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Thread: Cheating spouse...to tell or not to tell?

  1. #11
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    Sometimes infidelity can be overcome. And sometimes itís best not to even know.
    Do you know for sure that your friend is unaware?

    I would tread carefully if I was you.
    You might be her best friend but he is her husband.

    She might be playing the happy wife for all you know?
    Or she might be completely unaware and shoot the messenger.

    If you do decide to tell her, make sure you have concrete evidence and not just hearsay.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    If my friend had suspicion that the spouse was cheating then I certainly would help her to find out the truth. I would not tell them that they were being cheated on though as like I said, without catching them in bed or somewhere necking in public, how could you even be sure? With today's romantic relationship boundaries as lax as they are and overstepping of platonic relationship boundaries, opposite sex friends hanging out one on one doing date like activities, you could be causing a whole lot of trouble for your friend and the relationship over nothing.

    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    If you discovered your best friend's spouse was cheating on her, should you tell her or keep it a secret if you thought they would never recover
    from it?
    If you thought they would never recover from it and you went ahead and told them anyway then IMO that would make "you" a cruel and insensitive twit.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I wouldn't get involved. It's their marriage, their problems, not mine. Whatever they do is their business.

    I would remain neutral like Switzerland. It's not my place to be a busy body.

    I enforce healthy boundaries with my best friend. None of us cross that line. I want to be a friend. However, I refuse to ever delve into anyone's personal, private life which is off limits to me.

  4. #14
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    Yes, there is solid proof. Like I said, I think she would be devastated. I tend to want to leave it alone. Maybe she already knows what he is like and prefers to keep it their little secret.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Have you seen him with the supposed other woman . What kind of proof can you present?
    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    Yes, there is solid proof.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    If you discovered your best friend's spouse was cheating on her, should you tell her or keep it a secret if you thought they would never recover
    from it?
    If she would never recover from it..... That's a tough one. What makes you think she'd never recover?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    Yes, there is solid proof. Like I said, I think she would be devastated. I tend to want to leave it alone. Maybe she already knows what he is like and prefers to keep it their little secret.
    If it was my bff and I have solid proof, yes I would tell. Knowing and not telling would be just another form of betrayal by yet another person who they believed is close to them and has their best interests at heart.

    That said.....you know your bff better than anyone here and life isn't black and white. I know that the close friends I have would want to know no matter how devastating that would be for them. I already know that they would feel incredibly hurt and betrayed if I knew and stayed silent. I know this in part because over the years, we've talked about these things, the what if's.

    So that may be a good starting point for you - maybe raise the topic at large. If your hubby is cheating, would you want to know? Then listen to her point of view. Who knows, she might be astute enough to realize that you are asking because something is up, so it might make it easier for you to disclose what you know and support her in whatever decision she makes about it. I think the most important thing for you is to let her know that no matter what she decides to do or not do, you will be there for her without any judgement.

  9. #18
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    Saw him and "other woman" at a fine dining restaurant 25 miles from here. They were holding hands and exchanging kisses. He saw me as they were leaving. I said nothing to him. I am really torn up about this and don't know what to do. I know she loves him dearly, by the way she talks about him. I hate putting myself in the middle of this. I wish I could pretend it didn't happen, then I ask myself, would I want to know, even if I would be crushed?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    Saw him and "other woman" at a fine dining restaurant 25 miles from here. They were holding hands and exchanging kisses. He saw me as they were leaving. I said nothing to him. I am really torn up about this and don't know what to do. I know she loves him dearly, by the way she talks about him. I hate putting myself in the middle of this. I wish I could pretend it didn't happen, then I ask myself, would I want to know, even if I would be crushed?
    How about you tell him that if he doesn't tell his wife, you will?

  11. #20
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    Why not ask your friend hypothetically speaking if you knew something harmful about another person's relationship would you tell, or would you want to know.

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