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Thread: What is going on here?

  1. #1

    What is going on here?

    What is going on with this guy?
    Please be gentle.
    Me and a guy at work seem to get on well, have done since I moved over to where I am. Once I have handed over my shift to him, we end up chatting for a while in between him doing his jobs and me getting ready to go home. There have been numerous times that I have picked up his eye contact with me, he gets quite close at times when we are also talking to a fellow colleague and he seems to face towards me a lot.
    I end up leaving a good hour after I have clocked out. We have text each other here and there about random stuff including work but he isn't always the quickest to reply.
    He seemed disappointed when I said I would move if the company we're at opened up somewhere close to my home.
    He knew I was angry with another manager a couple of months ago and sat with me and calmed me down. (Despite me putting a guard up making out I was ok, he saw through it)
    Recently something strange happened... I got a text from him a few weeks ago apologising for seeming awkward in our staff room before I left and he thought I felt uncomfortable, because as I looked up from what I was doing, he was eyeing me up. I honestly didn't pick up that he was staring/ eyeing me up. I was shocked as to where this came from, didn't think he saw me as anything but a friend.Anyway I text him back and we became quite flirty, lasting right into the early hours. I did ask him where this came from and within the conversation he said that we do get on, just didn't realise.
    When we next saw each other it was clear he wanted to talk to me in private but our staff kept following him like a lost puppy dog. Eventually he waited with me until the staff left. We spoke about the flirting and he said 'see where this goes' within the conversation and he hugged me.He messaged me again later on that day.
    The next day he seemed off with me when I text him and I didn't think I would hear from him again until I saw him at work next( I've been on holiday ) How wrong I was, he asked if I was still in the UK a couple of days later and askex if I was excited.
    Last Friday we were texting back and forth for hours, ( even though I was a tad piddled and almost admitted how I am feeling but said I didn't want to scare him off) he even said he'd speak soon after saying night. He wanted to know who I had gone on holiday with.
    I asked him if he fancied going for coffee at some point and he said he wasn't sure when but possibly and would let me know when he is free.
    It seems that one minute he's all interested, then has a change of heart. I would tell him how I feel but it could make things awkward and I've been knocked back/ embarrassed by admitting to a guy in the past how I feel, don't want to go through that again.So what is going on here?

  2. #2
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    It sounds like he's just playing with your mind and thoughts. I would back off and consider him just a colleague. Remain professional, cordial yet safely distant.

    It's too awkward when you can't figure someone out and when their behavior is inconsistently confusing.

    Err on the side of caution and don't obsess over him anymore. Be polite yet cool.

  3. #3
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    He might be reluctant about dating at work but nevertheless the ball is in his court since you asked him to have coffee. I'm sorry it doesn't sound like he's interested in dating you (I met my husband at work by the way!)

    I would not share personal stuff with him about issues at work.

  4. #4
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    If he were interested, he would jump at the chance to go have a coffee with you, not babble about whether or not he's free.

    This seems like a lot of cat and mouse to me. I'd say lay off the texting and let him make all the moves from now on.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Unless you know more about his personal situation (is he single?), pursuing anything beyond what you've already done doesn't seem like a good idea. I agree with the others and your own thoughts that the hot and cold is a red flag.

    If you knew more about his background or his life or him in general, I doubt these questions would be coming up. The problem is you might not know him as much as you initially thought you did. Go easy and be a bit more cautious. I wouldn't let on any feelings outright without knowing more about what's going on. Good luck.

  7. #6
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    Agree with Rose, you haven’t mentioned if you actually know if he is single or not.

    You have already let him know your feelings towards him by flirting and asking him out.

    So for now, no more texting unless he confirms a coffee date.

  8. #7
    Hi and thanks for your replies. He is single, never heard a woman being mentioned.
    Some one said to me once that prehaps he is just shy, or un sure himself what he wants or even unsure of how I feel.
    Why did he even intiate the flirting etc

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He either has a gf/wife or doesn't really want to initiate for fear of sexual harassment or simply is not interested in much past casually hanging out.
    Originally Posted by Sarahcoleman
    We spoke about the flirting and he said 'see where this goes' within the conversation and he hugged me.He messaged me again later on that day.

    I asked him if he fancied going for coffee at some point and he said he wasn't sure when but possibly and would let me know when he is free.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Sarahcoleman
    Hi and thanks for your replies. He is single, never heard a woman being mentioned.
    Some one said to me once that prehaps he is just shy, or un sure himself what he wants or even unsure of how I feel.
    Why did he even intiate the flirting etc
    Just because he never mentioned a woman doesn’t mean one doesn’t exist.
    So you actually don’t know if he is single.

    Who is the “someone”?
    Another colleague? He is definitely not shy! And he DOES know how you feel. You flirted with him AND asked him out on a date. So I’m not sure you should trust that ”someone”?

    Why did he flirt? Some people just love flirting. Especially when it’s returned.

    You asked him out, he said “possibly” and would let you know when he is free.
    If I asked someone out and that was their reply, I would assume no genuine interest.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Sarahcoleman
    Hi and thanks for your replies. He is single, never heard a woman being mentioned.
    Some one said to me once that prehaps he is just shy, or un sure himself what he wants or even unsure of how I feel.
    Why did he even intiate the flirting etc
    Well no - many people love to flirt and have no intention of wanting to date the person - and if the person flirts back it's of course fine and fun! I once asked out a colleague who'd been flirting heavily with me. Asked him to have lunch and at lunch it was so obvious he felt awkward -because he liked flirting at work and getting my attention and being the center of attention. He had a girlfriend. I never knew.

    He's not shy or unsure of how you feel. He flirts -he is not too shy to flirt - you asked him for coffee so unless he is so painfully shy that he can flirt but not accept an invitation for coffee he is not shy -and if he is "that" shy why in the world would you ever date someone who was comfortable flirting with you but not comfortable accepting an invitation to have coffee -seems like a remote possibility.
    He very well could have a girlfriend. Perhaps he sees the flirting as harmless or not flirting or perhaps he and his wife or girlfriend love to flirt at work and come home and tell each other about it.

    All you know is right now he is not interested in dating you because he is not asking you out on a date - most men even shy ones (my husband, my former coworker, was painfully shy back then and asked me to lunch while we were coworkers) and moreso because he didn't jump at the chance to have coffee with him -you made it so easy for him!

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