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Thread: I gave up alot for him

  1. #21
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    Firstly, I would not have moved PERIOD unless your company had a branch in that country and gave you an amazing job offer or you were in a relationship where you both wanted to get married and there was a ring on your finger and you were both deciding where it would be best for the two of you to live and turned out to be the other country.

    I really am doubting that you cannot move back to where your family is unless you did something illegal and you are running from it.
    If that is not the case, you are too hard on yourself. if you burned a bridge with a friend, you can make new ones. Its YOUR country - you are allowed back there. You don't have to live exactly where you lived before. If you move back, you will have the advantage of citizenship, to travel freely within the country and with protections of a citizen. you have nothing where you live now and you cannot stay because you don't have a sponsor.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Perhaps it's better to wait for Memome to clear up the discussion and clarify what she's hoping for in terms of answers. It is, afterall, not about ourselves but about the OP. Let's see what she needs help with and go from there.

  3. #23
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    There are some countries that basically "punish" you for leaving in the first place. My former roommate could not visit her home country after she moved here (U.S.) to go to school because she would have been picked up and interrogated and possibly detained. Her family members that still lived there were being watched.


    We in the US enjoy so much freedom to move about that it's sometimes hard for us to understand it's not that way everywhere.

  4. #24
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    Why don't you move to your family, as this is not the country you were abused in?

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  6. #25
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    There are alot of things I canít say because of my status and how easy this post could be found. But I do see alot of you probably do enjoy having a citizenship and being able to travel. I had mentioned Iím a refugee. I do not have a citizenship. Nor can i travel to where my family lives and I canít really explain why.

    Just know Iím someone very different than all of you situation wise. And no I have never done anything illegal. Laws are just difficult for some people because of where they come from thatís all.

    I guess in the end I did say what my option was and I have to focus on that. I have left relationships before because of my situation and have always been clear about what I can and canít control. This time around I was pretty much helpess because of abuse and this guy was like a protection net. I wonít say he is a bad person. He actually DID stand by my side ALOT in our relationship. I guess my situation though is a lot of pressure. I wanted to believe everything can get resolved and the thing is I believe my ex has this elaborate plan of taking a year to himself then reconnecting with me if I stay. He let it slip the other day. I wonít stand for that though.

    Again please try not to get more info because I canít be very open here since posts canít be deleted. My family and I are not in our home countries. Focus on the fact iím a refugee and search what countries we come from youíd know why everything is quite difficult. I did search for protection in the country I was in but the abuse got so much and police did nothing. I was suicidal for a while. Refrain from jumping to conclusions or assuming things. Like I said the option I have now is to get sponsorship. My relationship I accept itís over now. No use in trying to revive it. I guess what I wanted to get from here is whether someone can be so overwhelmed and then maybe get back to their senses, to see if my ex could be like that. It hurts I have to lose someone because of circumstances I canít control. I was very clear from the start that this would be hard on our relationship. We did stick together through so much. I guess in the end it got a bit too much for my ex and people in his life were not very supportive.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you feel as though he owes you for moving there rather than your original destination. It seems you allowed him to be responsible for too much in your life from fleeing your country to being where you are without a work or student visa. Why can't you visit family/friends?

    Going to your other destination or returning to the 'friends and family you gave' up are options, but you would rather just stay and hope he fixes your residency problems. You are putting yourself at risk being there illegally and having unrealistic expectations that he owes you marriage and/or residency in exchange for "giving things up for him".
    Originally Posted by Memome
    I gave up on a future in another country for him and for this difficult process. I gave up on seeing my family for years. I gave up on having my friends around me..

  8. #27
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    You were a refugee in the country your family currently live in. That you chose to leave. And can choose to go back to.
    You chose to leave and chose to go to a country where your ex resides in because of a long distance ?online relationship.

    You are not a refugee in the country you currently live in. Correct?

    You are now applying for citizenship there, why?
    Because of hopes to rekindle your relationship with him?

    ďFew months in I realized that for me to stay there there was no way but to get marriedĒ
    What happened to that statement?? You arenít getting married and all of a sudden despite your prior research there actually IS a way to stay?

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Memome
    My relationship I accept itís over now. No use in trying to revive it. I guess what I wanted to get from here is whether someone can be so overwhelmed and then maybe get back to their senses, to see if my ex could be like that. It hurts I have to lose someone because of circumstances I canít control. I was very clear from the start that this would be hard on our relationship. We did stick together through so much. I guess in the end it got a bit too much for my ex and people in his life were not very supportive.
    When someone shows you how they feel, believe them. It's not good to live on hypotheticals. What I'm meaning is that it's not healthy to hope for what might be. It's more realistic to focus on what is right now. You haven't given yourself time to process the break up. Give yourself time. The answer you're looking for is crystal ball-worthy and none of us can tell the future.

    I would caution you though about the idea of him "coming back to his senses". He may have already come to his senses by breaking up with you and realizing this truly isn't a relationship he can commit to. You may not realize it but your thought patterns (although clouded at this time in sadness and pain) are not respecting his wishes. You're not seeing what he wants and awarding him his own autonomy and believing that this might be the best route for him.

    I'd also really caution the idea that you're losing anyone due to circumstances that can't be controlled as that puts you in a powerless position, suggesting, in other words, that you've "lost" and initiates a very unhealthy cycle of victimization or thoughts of being the victim. I understand you're in a tough position. Don't make it tougher on yourself with these negative thoughts and ideas that you are powerless. When a person shows you to be what they are, truly believe that person. When someone shows you that he/she can be "lost", there's a reason they're "lost" or out of your life. Most of the time it's for the greater good. When one door closes, another opens. Stay positive and don't let this throw you into a deeper and more negative way of thinking.

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