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Thread: My family is still friends with my cheating ex and my fiancé is fed up

  1. #41
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    I agree with the others. Tell your sister that you do not feel comfortable around the ex, and you will not be attending with your fiancé.

  2. #42
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    Originally Posted by Genie123
    There's a difference between being touchy feely and making people visibly uncomfortable. I've seen him get slapped multiple times in the past by women he wouldn't leave alone. That's the kind of guy we're dealing with.

    I've had a surprising conversation with my BIL today, instead of going through my sister. We were talking about what happened last night, then when I expressed how much I can't stand this guy being in my life he said he wouldn't invite him anymore. I didn't even specifically ask it of him. I don't know how much weight that holds but it gives me some peace of mind.
    That is good news. I wonder why your sister did not do the same?

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    So I’m going to give my interpretation, it’s a bit different from everyone else’s..

    You created this monster...

    To me, any logical person would assume an ex who treated someone horribly wouldn’t be around...

    You made a choice to overshare about an ex which was not a necessity, that is your baggage.

    You dragged your fiancé into it I’m assuming because you jumped into a relationship with him so quickly after ending it with this other ex, so you were in victim mode.

    Now you’re current boyfriend knows way too much of a story that may have been a bit biased because stories told of exes typically are and he’s acting accordingly.

    You did all that knowing full well this ex was still around and that you’re still cordial to him... what did you think was gonna happen?!?!?!
    It was better that she told her fiance who the dude was because he would find out sooner or later who he was to her.
    Also, its normal when you get into a relationship to at least give the cliffnotes reason why your last significant relationship ended. "my ex cheated a few times and i decided i was better than that". I think it was atrocious for her family to continue to invite him to events where family is invited knowing she has blocked him, does everything she can to sever contact. And he has prove himself to live up to his reputation and be a bit of a tool to her. would it have been better to be totally fake and welcoming to the ex and then its an unwelcome surprise when the fiance finds out that this BIL's friend is actually her most recent ex?

  4. #44
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are he and your BIL drinking buddies? Certainly he is not constantly there every weekend, every holiday, every time. Why not visit them when he's not there, if you want? At this point you are still acting like a victim. A victim of this ex's obnoxiousness, a victim of your sisters guest choices, a victim of your possessive controlling bf. Therapy could help you see how to make choices that take responsibility for your situations and help sort out the lingering residual victim mentality.
    Originally Posted by Genie123
    I told him to get off and had to physically overpower him to get him to let go.

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Glad to hear the BIL finally understood, though he might not have even been aware till now. Wonder why your sister was keeping mum?

    Good to hear too that you stood by your fiancee's side and understood his feelings. Well done!

  7. #46
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    It was better that she told her fiance who the dude was because he would find out sooner or later who he was to her.
    Also, its normal when you get into a relationship to at least give the cliffnotes reason why your last significant relationship ended. "my ex cheated a few times and i decided i was better than that". I think it was atrocious for her family to continue to invite him to events where family is invited knowing she has blocked him, does everything she can to sever contact. And he has prove himself to live up to his reputation and be a bit of a tool to her. would it have been better to be totally fake and welcoming to the ex and then its an unwelcome surprise when the fiance finds out that this BIL's friend is actually her most recent ex?
    I will read again, but I didnt get any of that from what was written, as others stated, other than stating her feelings, she has no right to tell a brother in law who he can remain friends with, its simply not her place, she also stated his presence doesnt bother her its the boyfriend, had she kept her past in the past, this drama simply wouldnt exist.

    To say one MUST share their past relationship experiences is simply not true in my opinion. In my experience one does so to excuse their own broken status, "I have trust issues because...." " I went through his phone because..." " I am insecure because..." None of that belong in a healthy relationship and lets call a spade a spade, he didnt simply know, "oh thats my ex who cheated" he knew every detail, unnecessary drama.

    Its your opinion she did nothing wrong, but look at this unnecessary situation. Its obviously too little too late since the cat is out of the bag, I'm just rolling my eyes at the whole thing because none of this had to happen. Avoid going on outings when hes there, easy fix, dont tell your new boyfriend every dirty detail of past relationships, easy fix.

    I dont mind being the lone one stating, the OPer really needs to tone down the drama if she intends to have a happy and healthy life...

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