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Thread: My family is still friends with my cheating ex and my fiancé is fed up

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    She already said NO. This ex was bad to her and cheated on her....would you want to go to a family function with this jerk hanging around?
    In her second post OP stated she doesn't get upset being around the ex, it's her fiance that gets upset and that she is fed up with not being able to spend time with her family with her fiancé due to the ex being there. I interpret that as she would go if it wasn't for the fiance making a meal out of it.

    I agree the sister and BIL are not being very sensitive about it but I would like to think after 4 years, 3 of them in a relationship with someone else who just proposed to me, I would be too busy being happy to care if the ex was there.

    Fiance proposed a week ago but now he's threatening to end it over something the OP has no say in? Makes no sense whatsoever. The ex presumably has been invited to events for the whole 3 years of their relationship so why try end it all of a sudden if it's a long standing irritation?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Then why the ultimatums and attempts to isolate you from family? Serious red flags. Stop and think. Why is it all about this current bf's feelings?
    Originally Posted by Genie123
    No, he's not controlling at all. It's not that he's upset about me seeing him, he's upset that he has to be around him.

  3. #13
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    He has taken back the threat to leave, it was something he said in the heat of an argument and now says he is just upset.
    He loves my family, his aren't the best so he loves having a family around that actually gets on unlike his. It's just been three years of putting up with this constant negative presence and he's desperate to bond with them but this guy is always getting in the way. I'm a really calm person but it doesn't mean I don't hate being around my ex, I can just deal with it better.
    My fiance doesn't insist on coming with me to things, we live together and I invite him because he's my friend as well as my fiance. I do plenty of things without him if he's doing something else.
    I think this is indeed going to have to be the case of him learning indifference as I have managed to. He wants to take him aside and speak to him next time we see him to see if any good will come from it.

  4. #14
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    The mere fact that you have not been invited to gatherings when your ex has , suggests the issue does not lie with your ex but your current partner.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    The mere fact that you have not been invited to gatherings when your ex has , suggests the issue does not lie with your ex but your current partner.
    My family think he's great, my ex is just closer with my BIL than he is. Of course I feel incredibly bitter about not being invited being the actual relative, but I assume it's a case of ex and BIL arrange something, sister goes along and assumes I won't want to go. My sister much prefers my fiance to my ex.

  7. #16
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Personally, I would just not go to my sister’s events. People’s choices come with consequences and for me the consequence of repeatedly having my ex invited would be me never showing up.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Agree, Seraphim.

    She and all of them will lose out on your presence and your boyfriends presence...that's their loss, not yours.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Genie123
    He has taken back the threat to leave, it was something he said in the heat of an argument and now says he is just upset.
    He loves my family, his aren't the best so he loves having a family around that actually gets on unlike his. It's just been three years of putting up with this constant negative presence and he's desperate to bond with them but this guy is always getting in the way. I'm a really calm person but it doesn't mean I don't hate being around my ex, I can just deal with it better.
    My fiance doesn't insist on coming with me to things, we live together and I invite him because he's my friend as well as my fiance. I do plenty of things without him if he's doing something else.
    I think this is indeed going to have to be the case of him learning indifference as I have managed to. He wants to take him aside and speak to him next time we see him to see if any good will come from it.
    OK that makes far more sense but the bottom line is that your fiance is exhibiting some not very pleasant behaviours around this ex and I agree with Billie that might factor in with why you're no longer being invited.

    Your family are your family, not your fiances surrogate for the family life he wasn't dealt. He has no right to get jealous that your ex has a better bond with your family than he does. The irony being that his controlling and jealous attitude to this scenario will only push your family away from him and your ex closer.

    I really don't think any good will come out of your fiance talking to your ex, especially if he already winds up your fiance. He will just become insufferable and make more of an effort to get under his skin. If he just speaks to the ex like any other person he vaguely knows the problem will be solved.

    The best solution I think would be for your fiance to be mature and focus on enjoying the events. Making a scene with the ex is not going to endear your family to him.

  10. #19
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I would say , sister I love you. But my fiancé and I have no interest in spending company with my ex who hurt me. Then leave it in her court . Invite her and the brother in law to YOUR house where they can’t bring the ex.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Again, agree, Seraphim. I am loyal to my partner and my family should be decent to him.

    Is it tough that your boyfriend is not happy with the ex always around? Yes, of course but it would be a hard pill for anyone to swallow.

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