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Thread: Is it Possible to get Him to Chase Again after Being Too Available?

  1. #1
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Is it Possible to get Him to Chase Again after Being Too Available?

    Have you ever been so into a person that you just wanted to let them know how great they are all the time?

    Well, I wasn't even looking for love. This guy came into my life after a few unnoticed attempts from him in the past. I am glad that he kept trying, but now I feel like I have messed up a good thing before it even began.

    I became too overly complimentary of him. Constantly flirting and telling him how amazing he is. I point out his strengths when I see them. When he looks good that day (which is every day actually..), I let him know. I'm not the type to ask for a mans attention, be he told me to be open and honest about my feelings, and if I wanted to see him, let him know.

    Well, I kept asking him for his time. I already feel vulnerable enough by constantly putting myself out there. I HATE seeming pushy. I got upset because he constantly seems to forget the majority of my attempts to get in contact with him. So the other day I addressed the issue. I told him that I am less than thrilled by this and it caused somewhat of a big blow up. He said that he was stressed out between him home life and his work life. I backed off...

    2 days later, today, I sent him an I'm sorry text. I told him that I wasn't expecting an outcome or a text back. Hours later I receive a response back stating "Thank you for recognizing the problem. No hard feelings".

    I haven't responded, I wasn't going to.. I want him to want me as much as I want him. As much as he used to want me. Is it a possibility, to have a man chase you after the thrill of the hunt is done and over with? He knows I want him, but we've only been on two coffee dates.
    Last edited by ConfusedLady21; 06-07-2019 at 09:36 PM.

  2. #2
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    I am confused --- what were these "attempts" on his part. Do you work together or are in the same social circle and did he ask you out but not in a direct way and so you rejected him for a time?

    I really think you should not have sent him an apology and should not have had a 'talk' - when you are constantly asking someone out, you give them no opportunity to decide to ask YOU out. Even if you were dating, if you ask someone out every day during the week, it gives them no breathing room to get their own stuff done and then ask you on a date.

    I would back off and let him contact you next time and when he does, don't gush over how handsome or nice he is. Let HIM do the asking out IF he does. But he COULD be done with you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Your post is way too vague. I have no idea what "asking for his attention" means. I don't know how often you two were going on dates, for how long, or if you even were. No, don't come off as over-eager and don't let efforts be one-sided, but I don't know whether he was or wasn't putting in a healthy effort on his own, or if you were simply overcompensating.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    Have you ever been so into a person that you just wanted to let them know how great they are all the time?
    Well, not constantly or anything over the top but yeah, my boyfriend.

    But well, like, he's my boyfriend! Of almost 1.5 years!

    I am confused who this guy is to you. Did you ever actually date? Ever asked you out?

    Or is he just some guy who threw you a few glances that you mis-took as flirting? What's going on?

    In any event, leave the dude alone. It won't guarantee anything, but you have a hell of a better chance of attracting his attention again (assuming you once had it) if you leave him alone, versus continuing to chase him as you were doing.

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    It sounds like you came on a bit too strong for him, Even if he liked you at first, I'm not sure if it's a great idea to see really into him and upset from not hearing from him after just 2 dates. That plus he's giving you the "stressed" talk, I'd say I'd write this one off and just forget about him.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Well, I kept asking him for his time.

    Whether he asks you out again or if some other guy does, once you ask someone to do something and they can't, know that the ball is in their court to suggest an alternative date or to get back to you when they know their schedule. Wait for that invite, and if it never comes, you'll have your answer a lot quicker and can move on.

    In that way, you're not coming across as an overeager puppy without a life of her own--you don't want to be a red flag to him that you'll be a barnacle he can't pry off versus an independent woman full of joy who has her own fulfilling life that he'll be interested in finding out more about.

    Good luck.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I think you're perceived by him as very insecure. Try not to glom onto him so much. Don't make him your whole world by gushing with compliments and turning on the charm because you're perceived as insincere and pretentious.

    Love yourself more. Don't shower others with excessive attention. Focus on yourself and act natural. Work on yourself with your time, interests, hobbies, exercise, get fit and build your own self confidence. Then you'll be too tired to dispense compliments and attention on him or others left and right.

    He and people will take notice when you back off and get your act together.

    Don't create drama, trouble, then apologize and start over. Have an easy going relationship.

    You've only been on 2 coffee dates. If you wish to be pursued, don't be so eager. Always have an aura of mystery about you because this is what is alluring and very attractive. Most of all, be self confident and independent minded. Nothing is more attractive than self confidence because the message to others is, you don't "need" them in order to feel validated and whole. Be cool and self assured because that is highly attractive. Be secure because it will show. People love secure, smart people.

  9. #8
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    This guy isn’t interested, OP.

    Maybe he was at one time, but it’s clear that he doesn’t feel that way anymore.

    I would stop reaching out to him and trying to engage.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    To answer the question in your title: no.

    To say a little more: being chased, being wanted—yeah, it feels good. It's also the opposite of connection, and I'd take moment to explore that, why "I want him to want me" is of such value. Not just regarding him, but more generally, since I feel he (or his jawline, or his "amazingness") has triggered a preexisting condition. Can you not see yourself clearly in the mirror unless you are the object of desire?

    He's just a dude you've had two coffees with. You're having talks with him that, in years-long relationships, tend to mark the end, the moment the connection has become strained and fizzled out. You're equating "backing off" with "sending an apology text two days later," which is the opposite of backing off. It's basically saying, "Hey, I am thirsty—please quench it for me."

    I say back off now, for real, since he is backing off. An attractive stranger going from lukewarm to cold isn't something to get hot and bothered about. That's just a recipe for an even dryer mouth, more thirst. You have loads of value whether or not this particular man "wants" you. Maybe this guy, random as he is, has been placed in your life to remind you of that. Not as breathless a story as "the chase" and "being wanted," but perhaps a better one in the long run?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately he's simply not interested. This has nothing to do with hunt and chase. Just lack of interest.
    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    Is it a possibility, to have a man chase you after the thrill of the hunt is done and over with? He knows I want him, but we've only been on two coffee dates.

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