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Thread: No intentions for sex

  1. #1

    No intentions for sex

    So Im 20, Indian, male and in my first real relationship. Its still relatively new. Shes in my class, weve been best friends for 4 months, in a relationship for 1.5 months. Well start our senior year of college and were sure were going to head off to different countries next year for higher studies. Shes of the opinion that itd hurt more after parting if we get too close so she doesnt want to have sex. We kiss and touch, but she doesnt wanna get too close. When I brought up the topic saying its just my opinion and dont wanna start a fight, she got mad and said she doesnt think these activities matter for a relationship, and said she doesnt want to talk to me at all. Ive been having second thoughts about the relationship, so Im not sure what I should do. Am I chasing a dead relationship? This seems like a good relationship with us being best friends first, but Im not sure if itll serve me best in the future.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by newbielove20
    So Im 20, Indian, male and in my first real relationship. Its still relatively new. Shes in my class, weve been best friends for 4 months, in a relationship for 1.5 months. Well start our senior year of college and were sure were going to head off to different countries next year for higher studies. Shes of the opinion that itd hurt more after parting if we get too close so she doesnt want to have sex. We kiss and touch, but she doesnt wanna get too close. When I brought up the topic saying its just my opinion and dont wanna start a fight, she got mad and said she doesnt think these activities matter for a relationship, and said she doesnt want to talk to me at all. Ive been having second thoughts about the relationship, so Im not sure what I should do. Am I chasing a dead relationship? This seems like a good relationship with us being best friends first, but Im not sure if itll serve me best in the future.
    It's up to you whether it's a worthwhile investment.
    She prefers to abstain from sex and is not wanting to get attached to you seeing she plans on leaving.
    Are you o.k. with things staying the way they are in the meantime?

  3. #3
    I told her I want to do it, but Im okay with this because its not possible without consent of both people. So Im not okay with it staying the same even if I say I am, bc I believe that we are at the max of our relationship. I dont think this is a worthwhile investment bc I shouldve also mentioned, she has strict parents. So we also dont hangout and go on dates, just meet in college. So I want to get a second opinion from someone. No dates and no sex. Is it worth it?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by newbielove20
    No dates and no sex. Is it worth it?
    Noone's call but yours.

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  6. #5
    What would you do if you were in my place?

  7. #6
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    "So Im not okay with it staying the same even if I say I am, bc I believe that we are at the max of our relationship. "

    Then don't tell her you are. If you can't respect her decision to abstain, then you are barking up the wrong tree. If this is your first "real" relationship and you are only 1.5 months in, you would probably do well to wait a while anyway.
    Regardless, if you are not serious about her--wants and all--then move on.

  8. #7
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Noone's call but yours.
    What would you do if you were in my place?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You mentioned your nationality and assuming hers is the same. She comes from a strict family.
    If this is all so, isn't this a cultural value pretty that's pretty typical and to be expected?
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 06-19-2019 at 01:59 PM.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by newbielove20
    and said she doesnt want to talk to me at all.
    She doesn't want to discuss the subject or she isn't talking to you at all?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If I were in your place I'd be asking if you are in a relationship at all. Romantic relationships are usually characterized by intimate bonds, trust and some form of commitment. All three characteristics seem to be missing in your equation with her.

    This is not a relationship but a friendship of sorts, to me. If you have romantic feelings for each other it's different from actually conducting or maintaining a full blown relationship. It depends how you want to define what a relationship means. In my mind, this is far from it and a very pale comparison to the real thing. Your gut instincts are pointing you in the right direction. This is a waste of time. Move on.

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