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Thread: How to deal with this

  1. #1
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    How to deal with this

    We dated for almost two months. He put in a lot of effort and acting very into me and acted like a boyfriend. He was also very sweet, patient and attentive. We had great sex too.

    I did get mad over a few things over the time we dated and he knows Iím bit moody and am someone that needs to be cared for a lot and he did do that.

    Lately I asked him if we were together he said we should wait and that he didnít wanna rush into another relationship so quickly (he was six months out of a five year relationship) but said he promised wouldnít be going after other girls.

    I was upset about this and reacted a little (said that he was just playing / using me - angry basically). He tried to approach me several times to apologise and wanted to talk but I wasnít ready to talk.

    Then we met two nights ago. I realised his ex was calling him twice that night and he let me know but didnít pick up. He called her crazy and still sounded mad at her. He said they were going to get married (five year relationship) but she did something six months ago and they broke up. I could tell he was still pretty mad at her, which means freelings for her. Then he sounded frustrated and confused both about me and her. He said annoyingly that he wouldnít go back to his ex but I said he was clearly still not over her and that it was normal and okay. And he kinda just sighed and it felt like an implicit yes. I just felt he still liked her and never over her. When I left he said he would contact me the next day to meet at night.

    He didnít contact me, I reached out and he sounded cool - unlike before ever. No more sweet names or affection and enthusiam like before. He said last night felt weird and we shouldnít meet tonight. So we talked on the phone about how he didnít wanna hurt me but after the convo we had the night before he said I made him think maybe he was not ready. But then he asked if Iím free to meet Sunday so we could just hang out (and no sex). I ended the phone call shortly as I was with others and we later texted. He said we are looking for different things now. He said he was not playing me he really enjoy spending time with me. He said he thought he was ďreadyĒ but actually not and he was not sure when he will be ready for a serious relationship.

    I know the reasons donít matter and that he made it clear he does not want a relationship with me and not sure when he will be (means never?) But please can someone let me know why? I know I have a bad temper, and whilst I played it cool at first I got more invested and it became clear I wanted something more serious eventually (was it because I wasnít nice and caring enough with him). *If he was truly into me, my bad temper and seriousness for something more wouldnít lead to this would it?* Is he just not over his ex/ the ex is still lurking in the background or what is it...

    He acted so into me and genuine and patient and care. He drove me picked me up text me every morning, replied quickly and called me every night. He got me teddy bear and lots of goodies when he went on holiday. Always in touch by texts and send me pictures and kept me close.

    Was it my fault? Or itís just him.
    Should I wait?
    Last edited by floralprints; 06-07-2019 at 08:32 PM.

  2. #2
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    No matter how "into" someone I am, I do not feel obligated to indulge their "bad temper", particularly if it's directed toward me.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by floralprints
    We dated for almost two months. I did get mad over a few things over the time we dated and he knows Iím bit moody and am someone that needs to be cared for a lot

    Lately I asked him if we were together he said we should wait and that he didnít wanna rush into another relationship so quickly (he was six months out of a five year relationship)

    he made it clear he does not want a relationship with me and not sure when he will be. But please can someone let me know why? I know I have a bad temper, and If he was truly into me, my bad temper and seriousness for something more wouldnít lead to this would it?
    .
    OP, I am not sure why you seem to be so confused. From the get-go he more or less made it clear that he does NOT want relationship with you. Add to that, you guys were barely into a "relationship" (6 weeks) and in such a short space of time you showed him your bad temper and moodiness etc - none of which would endear you to anyone. So no, he would not excuse your bad temper "if he was truly into you". No-one should have to excuse your bad temper, and it seems he really wasn't as into you as you were into him (sorry).

    As to how to deal with this? I would suggest you seek professional help for your issues so as to help you get a handle on where it's all coming from so that you are in a mentally healthier place for future relationships. And no, you should not wait, but you should learn from this. Let him go and move on.

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    So was it my bad temper that caused this? Wasnít he just not over his ex and using me?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    *If he was truly into me, my bad temper and seriousness for something more wouldnít lead to this would it?*
    If he's got any self respect, it would.

    Look, you don't get to exhibit crappy behavior just because you've disclosed it or feel it should be expected. You have anger problems, you deal with your anger problems. Now I'm not going to pretend this dude with his baggage would have otherwise ended up the perfect boyfriend, but fact is you gotta take personal responsibility. When you got dudes who are pretty much bottom of the barrel in terms of emotional availability telling you you're too much, you can be pretty sure any healthy guy is gonna cut you off twice as quickly.

    Handle your ****.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by floralprints
    So was it my bad temper that caused this? Wasnít he just not over his ex and using me?
    Maybe you were a rebound, but it certainly didn't help you much when you showed him the other side of you in just 6 weeks.

  8. #7
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    If I had been perfect and controlled my emotions better would he have been with me?

    My mutual friend said he was still with the gf and heís just fooling around. And he still had her number saved and she was calling him at 1 am at night when he was next to me.

  9. #8
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    How can I ascertain if Iím just a rebound

    Iíll improvr my temper and be nicer and he would want me?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    This is a two month span of dating wherein he discovered that you are not the right girl for him. It happens. Dating is to find out if who you are seeing is a right fit, this wasn't.

    Having sex with someone does not make a relationship.

    If you are so concerned that your temper is what made him think the fit wasn't right then perhaps you should work on that anger and quit thinking that you can coast on a petulant personality....
    I'm going to be blunt: I did get mad over a few things over the time we dated and he knows Iím bit moody and am someone that needs to be cared for a lot and he did do that.
    That equals you being high maintenance and it's not a good quality to have to navigate through for most men I would venture to say.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by floralprints
    How can I ascertain if Iím just a rebound

    Iíll improvr my temper and be nicer and he would want me?
    Why does it matter? What would it change? You're looking for reasons to obsess over this, and there's no point. Neither one of you is in a place where you should be dating.

    Seek counseling or therapy to help you handle your emotions. As others have mentioned, yes having a "temper" is problematic and will affect future involvements.

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