How to deal with this

We dated for almost two months. He put in a lot of effort and acting very into me and acted like a boyfriend. He was also very sweet, patient and attentive. We had great sex too.

I did get mad over a few things over the time we dated and he knows I’m bit moody and am someone that needs to be cared for a lot and he did do that.

Lately I asked him if we were together he said we should wait and that he didn’t wanna rush into another relationship so quickly (he was six months out of a five year relationship) but said he promised wouldn’t be going after other girls.

I was upset about this and reacted a little (said that he was just playing / using me - angry basically). He tried to approach me several times to apologise and wanted to talk but I wasn’t ready to talk.

Then we met two nights ago. I realised his ex was calling him twice that night and he let me know but didn’t pick up. He called her crazy and still sounded mad at her. He said they were going to get married (five year relationship) but she did something six months ago and they broke up. I could tell he was still pretty mad at her, which means freelings for her. Then he sounded frustrated and confused both about me and her. He said annoyingly that he wouldn’t go back to his ex but I said he was clearly still not over her and that it was normal and okay. And he kinda just sighed and it felt like an implicit yes. I just felt he still liked her and never over her. When I left he said he would contact me the next day to meet at night.

He didn’t contact me, I reached out and he sounded cool - unlike before ever. No more sweet names or affection and enthusiam like before. He said last night felt weird and we shouldn’t meet tonight. So we talked on the phone about how he didn’t wanna hurt me but after the convo we had the night before he said I made him think maybe he was not ready. But then he asked if I’m free to meet Sunday so we could just hang out (and no sex). I ended the phone call shortly as I was with others and we later texted. He said we are looking for different things now. He said he was not playing me he really enjoy spending time with me. He said he thought he was “ready” but actually not and he was not sure when he will be ready for a serious relationship.

I know the reasons don’t matter and that he made it clear he does not want a relationship with me and not sure when he will be (means never?) But please can someone let me know why? I know I have a bad temper, and whilst I played it cool at first I got more invested and it became clear I wanted something more serious eventually (was it because I wasn’t nice and caring enough with him). *If he was truly into me, my bad temper and seriousness for something more wouldn’t lead to this would it?* Is he just not over his ex/ the ex is still lurking in the background or what is it...

He acted so into me and genuine and patient and care. He drove me picked me up text me every morning, replied quickly and called me every night. He got me teddy bear and lots of goodies when he went on holiday. Always in touch by texts and send me pictures and kept me close.

Was it my fault? Or it’s just him.

Should I wait?

No matter how "into" someone I am, I do not feel obligated to indulge their "bad temper", particularly if it's directed toward me.

We dated for almost two months. I did get mad over a few things over the time we dated and he knows I’m bit moody and am someone that needs to be cared for a lot

 

Lately I asked him if we were together he said we should wait and that he didn’t wanna rush into another relationship so quickly (he was six months out of a five year relationship)

 

he made it clear he does not want a relationship with me and not sure when he will be. But please can someone let me know why? I know I have a bad temper, and If he was truly into me, my bad temper and seriousness for something more wouldn’t lead to this would it? .

OP, I am not sure why you seem to be so confused. From the get-go he more or less made it clear that he does NOT want relationship with you. Add to that, you guys were barely into a "relationship" (6 weeks) and in such a short space of time you showed him your bad temper and moodiness etc - none of which would endear you to anyone. So no, he would not excuse your bad temper "if he was truly into you". No-one should have to excuse your bad temper, and it seems he really wasn't as into you as you were into him (sorry).

As to how to deal with this? I would suggest you seek professional help for your issues so as to help you get a handle on where it's all coming from so that you are in a mentally healthier place for future relationships. And no, you should not wait, but you should learn from this. Let him go and move on.

So was it my bad temper that caused this? Wasn’t he just not over his ex and using me?

*If he was truly into me, my bad temper and seriousness for something more wouldn’t lead to this would it?*

Look, you don't get to exhibit crappy behavior just because you've disclosed it or feel it should be expected. You have anger problems, you deal with your anger problems. Now I'm not going to pretend this dude with his baggage would have otherwise ended up the perfect boyfriend, but fact is you gotta take personal responsibility. When you got dudes who are pretty much bottom of the barrel in terms of emotional availability telling you you're too much, you can be pretty sure any healthy guy is gonna cut you off twice as quickly.

Handle your ****.

So was it my bad temper that caused this? Wasn’t he just not over his ex and using me?

Maybe you were a rebound, but it certainly didn't help you much when you showed him the other side of you in just 6 weeks.

If I had been perfect and controlled my emotions better would he have been with me?

My mutual friend said he was still with the gf and he’s just fooling around. And he still had her number saved and she was calling him at 1 am at night when he was next to me.

How can I ascertain if I’m just a rebound

I’ll improvr my temper and be nicer and he would want me?

This is a two month span of dating wherein he discovered that you are not the right girl for him. It happens. Dating is to find out if who you are seeing is a right fit, this wasn't.

Having sex with someone does not make a relationship.

If you are so concerned that your temper is what made him think the fit wasn't right then perhaps you should work on that anger and quit thinking that you can coast on a petulant personality....

I'm going to be blunt: I did get mad over a few things over the time we dated and he knows I’m bit moody and am someone that needs to be cared for a lot and he did do that.

How can I ascertain if I’m just a rebound

 

I’ll improvr my temper and be nicer and he would want me?

Why does it matter? What would it change? You're looking for reasons to obsess over this, and there's no point. Neither one of you is in a place where you should be dating.

Seek counseling or therapy to help you handle your emotions. As others have mentioned, yes having a "temper" is problematic and will affect future involvements.

If I had been perfect and controlled my emotions better would he have been with me? .

NO. He told you several times that he did NOT want a relationship with you. It was too soon after his breakup. He made it clear he was not ready for any relationship. Kudos to him for saying so. You were just something on the side - a temporary fix, but not relationship material. A fwb. He clearly still has baggage from his EX. That's your cue to head in the opposite direction.

So was it my bad temper that caused this? Wasn’t he just not over his ex and using me?

I think it's both, your bad temper and pushiness would turn anyone off. You wanted more than he was prepared to give. I dont think he's totally over his gf of 5 yrs in just a couple of months. It sounds like he was telling you the truth, he's not ready for a relationship just yet. I think you pushed him away and turned him off.

I agree, get some help with your attitude or you will keep pushing people away.

He wanted at first and sounded serious

You asked him if you were together .

You asked a normal question but far too soon , yet he responded with the perfect answer.

His answer being that he chose to exclusively date you.

You should have been over the moon happy with that response.

Instead you got upset?!?

Dating goes from casual dating to exclusive dating to a relationship, it’s a gradual process.

And it looked like things were going in the right direction.

However the reason we don’t jump from dating to “relationship” is because during the course of dating we learn more about each other which will lead either to progressing or ending things.

Your neediness and inappropriate reactions are what would have been red flags to him.

Once a red flag is raised you can’t undo it. Sorry.

I can’t change his mind anymore?

His ex was still calling him... he was not over her, were things really heading towards the right direction?

I’ll improvr my temper and be nicer and he would want me?

NO. He told you several times that he did NOT want a relationship with you. It was too soon after his breakup. He made it clear he was not ready for any relationship. Kudos to him for saying so. You were just something on the side - a temporary fix, but not relationship material. A fwb. He clearly still has baggage from his EX. That's your cue to head in the opposite direction.

My temper showed before I asked the question, and more so afterwards.

But if I was perfect for him, he would see me as more than a temporary fix, wouldn't he?

You serious, lady? Improve your temper because it's the grown up and decent think to do, not because it may have and likely ruined your chances with this guy.

I know and I want to for myself.

So was it my bad temper that caused this? Wasn’t he just not over his ex and using me?

Stop beating yourself up over this, it was mostly likely a lot of things combined.

But none of it really matters, you only dated a short while, two months?

For whatever reason, after two months, he realized you weren't the right fit. Happens all the time.

It could have been your temper, could have been your accusing him of "using" you, could have been your desperation and neediness, could be he's not over his ex, heck it could have been because he didn't like your shoes! lol

It does not matter.

It appears you're quite aware of your various "weaknesses," so learn from this, and strive to be better in your next relationship.

That's all you can do. Good luck.

My temper showed before I asked the question, and more so afterwards.

But if I was perfect for him, he would see me as more than a temporary fix, wouldn't he?

Wow you dont get it. A bad temper is not something anyone wants to deal with. You werent perfect for him, he was not ready for a relationship, you pushed the issue after just two months dating! Work on fixing yourself so you are a nicer person who is not prone to getting angry and you will stand a better change with guys and people in general. This guy is gone and you need to understand that.

Wow you dont get it. A bad temper is not something anyone wants to deal with. You werent perfect for him, he was not ready for a relationship, you pushed the issue after just two months dating! Work on fixing yourself so you are a nicer person who is not prone to getting angry and you will stand a better change with guys and people in general. This guy is gone and you need to understand that.

He still asked if I was free to hang out this Sunday - perhaps it is not over?

I could definite manage and control my temper better. And I know it is something that I need to fix for my betterment.

I know you said he still wants to hang out , but I would like to advise you to be very careful from this point forward.

Processing a breakup happens in weird ways. At the beginning, he probably felt like he was ready to open up to a new person, but now it looks like he just started processing the breakup. He may still have feelings for his ex that he needs to get over, yet he still enjoys your presence as a distraction. It doesn’t really matter at this point that you had a bad temper. He’s not ready to be with ANYONE right now.

You can hang out with him, but you need to understand that you most likely won’t be the girl he’s going to date next, at least not any time soon. It sounds like he still has a lot of communication with his ex and still has a lot of drama surrounding all of that to go through and it can take awhile.

If you’re up for sitting back while he does all of that breakup processing all while putting you on the back burner and you crossing your fingers that he will seriously date you after it’s all over , go ahead but in my opinion you are far better off forgetting about him.

When you find the right guy, it will not be this complicated.

It sounds like he brings out the worst in you. Whether or not you have a temper is anyone's guess and that's just your opinion of it. I don't think you should blame yourself that much and take your self-esteem out of the gutter (it is colouring your view and perspective). The fact is when someone is still texting or hung up over their ex, that person is not appropriate dating material. Marketing himself as anything of the kind was asking for trouble, even if for one second he let you believe he was in love with you or lovey dovey at the start.

From the way your post read I'm understanding that it was the inconsistency of it all that turned you off and upset you. It happens and it's more common than we all like to admit, unfortunately, but it's not the end of the world. There is a lot of confusion out there and a lot of people using others as rebounds or for other means or posing as ready when really that person is not ready at all. Just older/wiser going forward and learn to screen your dates better, be a little more cautious and don't take things so personally. Definitely do not internalize and believe that you're not allowed to be PO'd if you're duped.

I think what he got from you he had coming. His inconsistency and confusion (and the fact that you were likely used as a rebound) is already grinding you into the ground - job complete. Your job is to pick yourself up off the ground, dust yourself off and tell yourself that this person is not ready for a relationship and move on.

Your self-confidence is completely shattered. Pull yourself together and move on without him.

OP, being desperate is not cute either.

He told you he's not ready for a relationship. Your crappy temper is a turn-off. You can't be "perfect" for him now without it looking totally insincere. That ship has sailed. Hanging out with him on Sunday is a terrible idea, too. He doesn't want what you want. There is no point being friends.

You need to get yourself together, girl. No man with much self-respect is going to tolerate your moodiness just because you're open about your tendency to have tantrums. That's not how it works. I'm not sure where you got the idea that a guy who really likes you would stick around for that anyway, but it's incorrect.

Is this the same dude who tried to have unprotected sex with you or are you latching onto every guy you meet

Serious question because I think it could be either...