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Thread: Devastated after 6 year relationship ending - ex is already dating

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by limichelle
    I also would disconnect from him if you want to move forward. Going no contact will help make things easier!
    Thank you. I'm realizing more and more that as much as I don't want to, I'll probably have to go no contact.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by irka000
    I am very sorry to hear your story....been there too and I can guarantee you that no contact is the only way forward.
    It is a torture to stay in contact with someone who checked out and on top of this seeing someone else.
    He feels less guilt and you will be reopening your wounds each time he will get in touch.
    There amazing videos on you tube about no contact. They helped me so much.
    If you will respond to his breadcrumbs,he won't even will notice your absence and will never reallise what he lost.
    Things will get easier after some weeks.
    Imagine if you were actually pregnant and this would happen.
    I think you doged the bullet at this point of your life.
    Be strong....you will get better quickly but only if you will start no contact. Otherwise you will prolong this heeling.
    Hugs
    Thank you so much for your reply. I didn't want to go no contact. It feels so odd just cutting someone out of my life who was there for 6 years (don't know how people do it with longer relationships and kids), but being in contact has made things very painful and so I'm realizing that I need to do the no contact thing. How does one go from loving someone and seeing them every day to never seeing that person again? I'm grappling with this so hard and hopefully time and therapy will help.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I would also go No Contact here, OP. Being friends right now is an unrealistic prospect, and will prevent you from moving on.
    Yes, everyone is saying the no contact thing and it must be for a reason. I wanted to be there for each other during the breakup, but I seem to be the one suffering the most.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Blonde1993
    Evie- I have been there too, about a 3 year relationship too which I kept going back too. In a way each time I went back I felt less and less for him, because of how he treated me I had less and less respect for him, it then made walking away very easy because I knew I had given it chance after chance but nothing changed. I know it feels impossible but honestly you will get through it.
    I wish I felt less and less each time after leaving - somehow the pain is still just as great every time I leave, though I believe this will be the last time. It's obviously not going to work. Thanks for your encouraging words.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by irka000
    If you will respond to his breadcrumbs,he won't even will notice your absence and will never reallise what he lost.
    SO true and a great way to look at it.

  7. #26
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    Thank you everyone so much for your feedback. I really appreciate it.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Evie25
    Yes, everyone is saying the no contact thing and it must be for a reason. I wanted to be there for each other during the breakup, but I seem to be the one suffering the most.
    You're learning the hard way that an ex cannot serve as a therapeutic device for grief from the breakup. They're the last person you need in order to stabilize and 'normalize' a new life beyond that person. Head high, most of us have made this mistake. Consider it a learning experience, and focus instead on making good memories for friends and family while you're unable to enjoy much yourself. It will prevent them from worrying about you, and your focus on THEM instead of yourself will lift you UP instead of allowing you to drill yourself down. You'll thank yourself later.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Evie25
    I've only been in a few relationships, but I tend to feel things very deeply and have always been sensitive/emotional. My recent break up has completely wrecked me. My ex and I dated around six years, but broke up at three times in between. I have never quite understood the power he has over me and why I am so drawn to him, although he is very self assured and driven and doesn't overthink like me. I suspect my daddy issues and his qualities that I don't have might be partially why I feel addicted to him like a drug. I know I love him, but there is also something else going on because I have never been incredibly happy with him. I like to communicate and talk things out and he was never willing to really do so with me and wouldn't go to therapy, so I struggled with feeling very alone in the relationship. He also tended to ignore my feelings and dismiss me and I felt very neglected emotionally, though the sexual chemistry was very strong and we went on some great trips. The last time we got back together we decided to try to have kids - we had always wanted kids, but this time it was just more of a clear goal as I was 37 and he was 44. I moved back in with him and bought a car to be in the suburbs with him and we started trying to have kids. After about five months, he told me that he changed his mind about having kids because he feels he's getting too old (almost 45). I was crushed as I moved back in thinking that he was committed to having kids and our relationship has been very exhausting in the past with us breaking up multiple times. He said that he was incredibly sad as well about changing his mind as he always wanted kids, but that he couldn't help feeling his time had passed for having kids. I ended up moving out again a month ago and it was a horrible experience with me crying while I was packing and him telling me that he wants me to be happy and that if I stayed I would just be resentful. I mentioned adoption, but then he said that we would have to be married for that and he was never too keen on marriage. It's been a month since I moved out and I am still completely heartbroken and can't even think about dating other guys. We agreed to remain friends so keep in touch (he told me that he is not an easy person to get along with and that he has never had an amicable breakup and that he loves me and wants us to at least remain friends). I recently found out that he started dating weeks after I left. I am completely crushed by this and can't get it out of my mind. I don't understand how he can date and move on so quickly when I can barely get through the day. I'm hurting so badly and am repulsed by the thought of myself dating so soon and don't intend to because it would not be the right move for me. He said I am very dear to him and always will be in that he will always love me. I just cannot comprehend how he can date so soon after we ended and have a lump in my throat the entire day just thinking about it. I don't know what to do to get over the hurt - I'm trying to keep myself busy and it's just so incredibly painful. I just don't understand why he has this hold over me and why I feel like I would do anything and sacrifice all of my needs just to be with him. It's this sick twisted thing. I am seeing a therapist and working through it, but I am just wondering if anyone has gone through something similar and has any advice.
    ThnNks so much for your post. Very honest, courageous. Basically you described the end stage of my relationships also. When I am in the relationship, many times I just want to be out. It's horrible. I know that deep down it's something that I have to face - and I am seeing a therapist. But what I really resonated with is your "pain." For me, breakup pain is just not bearable. You seemed to describe it very well, and I am sorry that you are going through that right now. The feeling is agony. All I wanted was to BE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND. That would fix it. So I obsessed about her, and how it would be when we got back together. I was sort of an amateur stalker. Parking on the street near her house for hours. Obsessing about to call/not call. Pain. But I guess that pain wasn't bad enough because I did the same thing again, and again.....I see that I am a sex/love/relationship addict. When I can't access the "drug" (her) I agonize. Only one thing will make it better. I wish I had just given myself "permission" to be in that much pain. I can see that it was really "OK" that I was going through that Hell. Maybe you ocan give yourself permission to exist in that pain right now.....

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. On/off relationships and moving in/out is sheer chaos. Give yourself more credit and less labels. Instead be glad you are financially free of this indecisiveness and roller coaster. Now that he is gone and you are free, after a while you can start meeting and dating decent men who aren't this indifferent, superficial and generate this much instability, drama and pain in your life. Continue therapy. Stay no contact and delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps.
    Originally Posted by Evie25
    I suspect my daddy issues
    He also tended to ignore my feelings and dismiss me and I felt very neglected emotionally
    I was crushed as I moved back in thinking that he was committed to having kids and our relationship has been very exhausting in the past with us breaking up multiple times.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by lark265
    ThnNks so much for your post. Very honest, courageous. Basically you described the end stage of my relationships also. When I am in the relationship, many times I just want to be out. It's horrible. I know that deep down it's something that I have to face - and I am seeing a therapist. But what I really resonated with is your "pain." For me, breakup pain is just not bearable. You seemed to describe it very well, and I am sorry that you are going through that right now. The feeling is agony. All I wanted was to BE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND. That would fix it. So I obsessed about her, and how it would be when we got back together. I was sort of an amateur stalker. Parking on the street near her house for hours. Obsessing about to call/not call. Pain. But I guess that pain wasn't bad enough because I did the same thing again, and again.....I see that I am a sex/love/relationship addict. When I can't access the "drug" (her) I agonize. Only one thing will make it better. I wish I had just given myself "permission" to be in that much pain. I can see that it was really "OK" that I was going through that Hell. Maybe you ocan give yourself permission to exist in that pain right now.....
    Sorry for just responding, haven't been on here in a while. You describe the agony very well and I also relate to everything you said minus the amateaur stalker part :) I wanted out of the relationship so badly while I was in it and would even secretly hope that he would cheat on me so that he would be happy, but I would have a "legit" reason to get escape. Pathetic, I know and cowardly. The pain of losing him is so severe it's indescribable, but you seem to know. I am seeing a therapist, but I'm sure I am a relationship addict as well as I have an addictive personality. Right now I am just letting myself feel the pain for the most part. I'm sorry you went through this too. How long did it take you to get over?

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