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Thread: Would you expect to be taken out by your SO after exam period/finishing uni?

  1. #1

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    Would you expect to be taken out by your SO after exam period/finishing uni?

    If you happened to be finishing exams and finishing uni after 3 years, would you expect your significant other to acknowledge this and take you out for a meal, surprise you (supermarket flowers) or just a takeaway? just something to say well done or something. especially if it has been tough for you?

    It is in the nature of our relationship to celebrate so I took my SO out for a meal when they got a new job.

    would you be upset if this didn't happen?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    No absolutely not, unless I expressly told them that I want to celebrate the occasion and go do x and y.

    If you expect people to read your mind, you'll be disappointed all the time.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    It's your accomplishment, not his. Why wouldn't you take it upon yourself to celebrate? Have some pride.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Your post gives no context for the situation so it's impossible to give a straight answer. There are 100 different factors that might come into play here.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    No.. ? I don't like it when people make a big deal about things I do. I think what you're experiencing is failed reciprocity. You engaged in certain behaviours and felt that you deserved the same in return. In this way, I completely understand what you're saying and perhaps it's not so much about the thing itself or whatever was done to acknowledge the fact but only the thought behind it that counts most to you.

    Do you feel your partner is callous or thoughtless around you?

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    Originally Posted by newaccx
    If you happened to be finishing exams and finishing uni after 3 years, would you expect your significant other to acknowledge this and take you out for a meal, surprise you (supermarket flowers) or just a takeaway? just something to say well done or something. especially if it has been tough for you?

    It is in the nature of our relationship to celebrate so I took my SO out for a meal when they got a new job.

    would you be upset if this didn't happen?
    I am confused as the comments in bold seem to contradict.

    On one hand, you say it's in the nature of your "relationship," to celebrate. Does this mean that, in the past, when either of you have accomplished something significant, depending on who it was, the other would celebrate it with you?

    I mean, being that it was the nature of your relationship to do that.

    That is what it sounds like to me, but now you imply, this time, he didn't?

    Is that what troubles you? That he didn't this time?

    And you're interpreting that to mean that he has stopped caring about you or something?

    Thus, the issue becoming not so much he didn't celebrate with you, but that you believe he doesn't care anymore?
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-07-2019 at 05:13 PM.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I am confused as the comments in bold seem to contradict.

    On one hand, you say it's in the nature of your "relationship," to celebrate. Does this mean that, in the past, when either of you have accomplished something significant, depending on who it was, the other would celebrate it with you?

    I mean, being that it was the nature of your relationship to do that.

    That is what it sounds like to me, but now you imply, this time, he didn't?

    Is that what troubles you? That he didn't this time?

    And you're interpreting that to mean that he has stopped caring about you or something?

    Thus, the issue becoming not so much he didn't celebrate with you, but that you believe he doesn't care anymore?
    She posted something a few days / weeks ago about him flirting with a co-worker over text. Maybe this is what is causing her to question his commitment to the relationship now.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by maew
    She posted something a few days / weeks ago about him flirting with a co-worker over text. Maybe this is what is causing her to question his commitment to the relationship now.
    Yeah, such conflicts are never really about the issue we think it is, is it.

    There is always, or typically, something lurking that goes much deeper than the issue at hand.

    I didn't read her earlier post, but I had a suspicion there was more to it than him not taking her to dinner or buying flowers to celebrate her graduation from uni.

    Perhaps she will return and address the real issue.

  10. #9
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    No but I would want him included in family celebrations if there was a graduation dinner or party, etc. In my family I did expect my parents to want to celebrate because I'm their child and they very much valued education/were proud of me. And they did!

  11. #10
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    No, I wouldn't expect anything. Whenever expectations fail to deliver, you'll only become sorely disappointed and hurt so I've since learned not to set my hopes up too high anymore.

    It also depends on who your SO is. If they're the celebratory type, add special touches to every life's event and pays attention to such details, yes, I would anticipate something for a special occasion. Also, if both partners reciprocate and never ignore rare accomplishments and recognize each other during the year, again, yes I would anticipate a joyous gesture of some sort. However, if this is not the nature of the relationship throughout the year, then no, I wouldn't hold my breath for flowers or dining out.

    I wouldn't be upset if this was the rhythm and beat of the relationship. However, I'm the type who does indeed recognize people's achievements with a greeting card in the postal mail, money, gift card, flowers, I cook for them, deliver meals to them or we dine out. This is my way. If there's graduation or a new job, yes, we celebrate where I come from. It's usually a party or dining out at a yummy restaurant somewhere. We don't simply ignore.

    I think if a person works hard after uni, attains a job or accomplishes something worth celebrating, it's heartwarming to do something as opposed to absolutely nothing.

    If there is a problem with the relationship due to zero recognition throughout the year, either both of you need to be comfortable with his arrangement or speak up if recognition, celebrations, flowers and food are important to you. Life is boring when there aren't special occasions and gestures to be had not to mention it can feel inconsiderate and downright rude. There are many relationships where one person does all the giving and the other person has no qualms doing all the taking which becomes problematic and burnout ensues.

    Whether it was my boyfriend at the time or my husband, if he completely ignored my achievements and never acknowledged any special occasion, yes, I'd feel upset because I've done a lot for him. I've baked and decorated cakes, gave me him amazing gifts, made my own embossed greeting cards, cooked his favorite dinners or we dined out at a fancy restaurant, I've hosted parties in his honor, cooked buffet food for our guests and never simply ignored. I've done the same for my sons, relatives and in-laws. So yes, when it was my turn and everyone was lazy enough to do absolutely nothing for me, yes, I would be upset!

    If everyone ignored each other and did absolutely nothing and these feelings and habits were MUTUAL, no, I wouldn't be upset but it's not this way in my relationship with my husband.

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