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Thread: Would you expect to be taken out by your SO after exam period/finishing uni?

  1. #21
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    I totally agree, and I have answered the question on face value.

    Since there is a requirement to dig deeper into the situation, of which there is no history provided by the OP, and I will not go spelunking on past posts, the OP states in her original post, "It is in the nature of our relationship to celebrate so I took my SO out for a meal when they got a new job." I can reasonably assume that when it comes to other people, friends and family, who did so much as pass a test or graduated 3rd grade, there are bells and whistles coming from the OP's boyfriend (or significant other, SO), but when the OP completed her semester, finally finished her studies, her SO brushed it off or didn't acknowledge this accomplishment.

    She is justified in feeling hurt.

    Whatever else is going on is a completely different issue.

  2. #22
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    Where I stumble is over the word "expect".

    Would I like it? Absolutely. Could I possibly be hurt if it didn't happen? Possibly.

    But that's like "expecting" someone to buy me flowers for Valentine's Day or buy me a gift for my birthday. It's a nice thing to do, but I don't go around expecting anyone to spend their hard earned money on me.

  3. #23
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    If you typically celebrate these things together, then yes, it would be strange that he opted to do nothing at all. But I think you are (understandably) feeling extra-sensitive because of what you discovered a few days ago:
    [Register to see the link]

    There is much more to this than one missed occasion to celebrate.

  4. #24
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    The OP says itís in the nature of their relationship to celebrate.
    Which is kind of a BS statement tbh.

    She then proceeded to give one example of this where she took him out to celebrate him getting a job.
    Yet failed to mention any example of where he took her out to celebrate a success of hers. That kind of example would have been relevant whereas the one she gave is irrelevant.

    @purplepaisley, your assumption that he celebrates these events with others is not a reasonable one. She never said itís in his nature to celebrate and certainly gave no inclination that it was.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately everything about him upsets you and you are questioning all his motives. He sounds immature and this text exchange sounds like frat boy silliness. The real issue is not the coworker. It's that you are unhappy with him. You need a much more involved life outside of this and stop depending on him for all this. Go out and celebrate with friends, family fellow students, etc. Rethink this relationship. You are much more invested than he is.
    Originally Posted by newaccx
    he said that he is sure her boyfriend X will love her new boobs. whilst he was away the messages were not flirty to me and that upset me. surely he should be flirty with me.

  7. #26
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    I'm still not getting why completing your third year at Uni would be considered cause for celebration.

    And as such, she or anyone would be "hurt" if bf didn't celebtate it.

    Like I am seriously baffled by this, could someone explain the mindset?

    And not to invalidate anyone's opinions about this, but in my opinion it's not a reasonable expectation and also suggests a sense of entitlement.

    Reasons to celebrate:
    Graduation
    Promotion
    Birth of a child
    New Job
    Wedding
    Anniversary
    Winning a big case at trial

    Obviously there are others, but completing your third year at Uni is not one of them imo.

    OP, if there is something else, more serious, going on in your relationship that is causing this resentment and hurt feelings, please share!

    Otherwise, lower your expectations, and stop giving more than you receive in return.

  8. #27
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    Miss Canuck linked the other thread.

    There definitely is more going on than just "expecting" the boyfriend to take her out.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It just doesn't seem like she feels valued at all in the relationship. That's a painful place to be. I think the culmination of those issues will eventually lead to a decision to part ways. For reasons unseen to us, we cannot always know why others (as individuals) put themselves in compromising and painful situations when the outcome for pain is nearly certain.

    I think this is a path that the OP needs to walk and learn and grow from. I thought her question was rather simple and it was fairly clear that there were feelings of insecurity and lack of feeling valued because the question was so simple. I hope she gets to the bottom of it.

  10. #29
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    So why didn't you help him and ask him to go out and celebrate with you? Love is a two-way street.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by purplepaisley
    I totally agree, and I have answered the question on face value.

    Since there is a requirement to dig deeper into the situation, of which there is no history provided by the OP, and I will not go spelunking on past posts, the OP states in her original post, "It is in the nature of our relationship to celebrate so I took my SO out for a meal when they got a new job." I can reasonably assume that when it comes to other people, friends and family, who did so much as pass a test or graduated 3rd grade, there are bells and whistles coming from the OP's boyfriend (or significant other, SO), but when the OP completed her semester, finally finished her studies, her SO brushed it off or didn't acknowledge this accomplishment.

    She is justified in feeling hurt.

    Whatever else is going on is a completely different issue.
    Question to the Op: Did he celebrate you finishing exams and ending your second year at Uni? If he did and then skipped third year then I would agree with Paisley. If you guys didn't celebrate second year then I have to ask you why you would expect that he do something special for third.

    ... and
    It is in the nature of our relationship to celebrate
    if it is the nature of your relationship to celebrate milestones together then surely you are feeling valued in general rather than not valued at all... Yes? No?

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