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Thread: I want to leave my sons father.

  1. #1

    I want to leave my sons father.

    I have a beautiful, kind toddler. Iíve renounced countless proposals from his father because heís an alcoholic and is incapable of comprehending the problems that stem from that dependency. I deserve better and so does my son. I just feel so very bad at the thought of leaving him with nothing, no one. I know no single parents or anyone that wants to be with a single parent. I long for a companion .

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    There are 1 million and one single parents who have gone on to meet a much better, more stable partner. You will not be leaving him with nothing as he still has rights to his son even if that means seeing him while supervised by a court ordered supervisor (due to his alcoholism.)

    Your son's father can get himself into rehab and go through a 12 step programme as well as personal therapy to help him to keep sober and come to terms with his childhood (I suspect he had a bad one in one way or another).

    Good on you for having the good sense to know that you and your son can do better than an alcoholic that isn't in treatment. Now, don't stay with him which will only give him reason to not seek treatment. To stay is to enable his drinking.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Seek professional AA help for your toddler's father.

    I grew up in a single parent home. My mother kicked my father out. He smoked, drank, knocked my mother's teeth out more than once which was one time too many. I saw permanent blood stains on the living room rug.

    Being a single parent is better than having miserable parents in an abusive, toxic and dysfunctional home life.

    My mother worked 3 jobs 7 days a week to put food on the table and raised 3 children successfully all by herself. She is the toughest woman I had ever known. My mother is made out of steel. If you feel entrapped, remember this: Where there is a will, there is a way.

  4. #4
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    Time to think of your child. Your are hurting your child by keeping him in a abusive and toxic environment.

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  6. #5
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    Good on you for doing the right thing by your child. It would be more damaging to your son to stay in this environment.

    I hope the child's father gets help for his addiction.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok that's fine and it's done all the time. All you need to do is get a court ordered supervised visitation arrangement and child support. Do not allow an alcoholic to be with your child. An alcoholic's only relationship is with alcohol. Everyone else is a pawn to that end. So in effect you don't have a relationship. Right now start emancipating yourself an your child from this hell. Make sure you are working, can arrange child care, have a good place to live, etc. get this booze-guzzling non-partner out of your life.
    Originally Posted by Wavefinder
    I have a beautiful, kind toddler. Iíve renounced countless proposals from his father because heís an alcoholic and is incapable of comprehending the problems that stem from that dependency.

  8. #7
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    Another child of an alcoholic here. You are absolutely 100% doing the right thing here. Until he kicks alcohol, his life will be ruled by it and it will affect the lives of everyone around him, whether he likes it or not. And while I absolutely wish him well and hope that he does just that, you also can't hold on to any hope that he will - and even if he does, it will be a very long journey. It's his journey. You have a child to look after and you can do this.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wavefinder
    I deserve better and so does my son. I just feel so very bad at the thought of leaving him with nothing, no one. ...I long for a companion.
    You're clear about what you and your child deserve, but don't allow your mind to skip over the steps that it takes to get there.

    Don't allow fears about depriving an alcoholic of his enabler to stall you into codependency. Partner is a grown man and fully capable of getting the help he needs, but why would he do that if he's already got a comfortable life with you?

    Often the best thing you can do for an alcoholic is to walk away. This can disrupt their comfort bubble enough for them to reach for the help to change. Otherwise, you're just maintaining whatever shell you've built 'around' your partner's disease--and that's not helping partner, and it's not helping yourself or your child to live a better life.

    If partner is ever capable of climbing his own road to sobriety, he may meet you on higher ground someday. Meanwhile, you can start your own climb to higher ground on your own. The only way to bring a healthy companion into that picture is to learn how to stabilize on your own, first. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up for more dependency on another, and dependent-minded people don't own good enough judgment to hold out for healthy partners.

    Head high, and one step at a time. Consider attending AlaNon meetings for help with your own climb.


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