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Thread: How can I stop allowing myself to be treated like an option?

  1. #21
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    I am sorry you are dealing with this. Have you tried talking to him about they way this makes you feel? It is always best to be honest about what you are feeling so that there is no confusion. I hope everything works out!

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by baileyf14
    I am sorry you are dealing with this. Have you tried talking to him about they way this makes you feel? It is always best to be honest about what you are feeling so that there is no confusion. I hope everything works out!
    heís barely replying

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Gymgirl71
    thatís fine, but I tried to reach him by phone and again ignored. Even when I asked him to call when free-ignored. Then I get one word responses hours later
    Chuck him. He's jerking you around.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Chuck him. He's jerking you around.
    thatís what I felt..heís keeping me as an option and toying with me..bye bye.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Gymgirl71
    When Iím dating I tend to be too available..probably from my fear of abandonment
    Hi Gymgirl, I agree with the others, especially the last post from ThatwasThen, time to just ditch him.

    But re the above quote, I am trying to wrap my brain around this mindset.

    Because when you become too available, never challenging the way he treats you by asserting your boundaries, and doing all or most of the initiating, you have to know you will actually cause the very thing you fear the most -- abandonment.

    Why? Because your behavior suggests you don't respect yourself, and if you don't respect yourself, no man, no person, will either.

    And when a man doesn't respect you, it's only a matter of time before he will leave you in search of another woman he can respect, a strong woman who asserts boundaries, who won't tolerate his BS.

    I've seen it happen.

    Anyway, you're on the right path. Next step is just blocking him, can you do that?

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Hi Gymgirl, I agree with the others, especially the last post from ThatwasThen, time to just ditch him.

    But re the above quote, I am trying to wrap my brain around this mindset.

    Because when you become too available, never challenging the way he treats you by asserting your boundaries, and doing all or most of the initiating, you have to know you will actually cause the very thing you fear the most -- abandonment.

    Why? Because your behavior suggests you don't respect yourself, and if you don't respect yourself, no man, no person, will either.

    And when a man doesn't respect you, it's only a matter of time before he will leave you in search of another woman he can respect, a strong woman who asserts boundaries, who won't tolerate his BS.

    I've seen it happen.

    Anyway, you're on the right path. Next step is just blocking him, can you do that?
    i have to..I know he will be in touch when heís bored or whatever the case may be

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Gymgirl71
    thatís fine, but I tried to reach him by phone and again ignored. Even when I asked him to call when free-ignored. Then I get one word responses hours later
    OK - I understand -no need to be dramatic or label "NC" in your head which just escalates this beyond "this person isn't worth my time anymore" -just decide that you deserve someone who is more reliable and simply respond the next time he reaches out -in a polite way - "I got your message and I don't think we have enough in common to continue being in touch so I won't be responding after this. Take care." -that way you emerge the bigger person, the person of integrity and you don't feed his ego as in "oh she cared so much about me."

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    OK - I understand -no need to be dramatic or label "NC" in your head which just escalates this beyond "this person isn't worth my time anymore" -just decide that you deserve someone who is more reliable and simply respond the next time he reaches out -in a polite way - "I got your message and I don't think we have enough in common to continue being in touch so I won't be responding after this. Take care." -that way you emerge the bigger person, the person of integrity and you don't feed his ego as in "oh she cared so much about me."
    I know I can be a bit overwhelming with my texts..but to me itís like how hard is it to answer a text? It doesnít take 5 hours..but I need the mentality if they donít reply to leave them be until they do..not keep on..thatís like chasing a person and it looks desperate to any man or person..I just get anxious

  10. #29
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    It's not anyone else's responsibility to soothe your anxiety. It's yours.

    Therapy would most likely be the best answer if you are stuck in the mindset that you "can't help" doing what you do.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Gymgirl71
    I know I can be a bit overwhelming with my texts..but to me itís like how hard is it to answer a text? It doesnít take 5 hours..but I need the mentality if they donít reply to leave them be until they do..not keep on..thatís like chasing a person and it looks desperate to any man or person..I just get anxious
    You can get anxious AND choose to react a different way. The feeling is allowed to exist but you choose not to react by subjecting someone else to it with too much texting. Sometimes I miss texts entirely and often I have to prioritize when I respond. I agree he wasn't that into you. I get nervous and anxious too -happened just last night and my husband talked me down from my ledge of being anxious about a potential maintenance issue. In the past I might have kept on and on and stressed everyone out even more and now I know to stop and react in a calmer way even if I am still feeling anxious. Not at all easy to do. Can be so so hard. And so worth it each and every time.

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