Desperatly need someeone elses eyes on this

Sorry, this is probably going to come out as a bit of a ramble. I have trouble keeing my thoughts straight at the moment.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 and a half years. She moved in with me 6 months after we first met, and from a different country no less. We knew we where doing things to fast but as is often the case, we didn't care. A few important details about us is that even though I am 31 years old, she is my first romantic and sexual partner. She has had relationships before me and also been in a abusive relationsip (as the victim). We have struggled to get our sex life working because of me having had a unhealthy relationship with porn and masturbation since I was 10. We also find that we have very little in common in terms of hobbies and interests.

Despite of this we have lived in a extremely happy relationship up until recently. I did something terrible. I tried to have a porn, masturbation and sex detox period of three months in the hope it would help with my addiction. I did this with her blessing. Then i failed, first once, then another time and at the end I had failed about a dozen times. That isn't the worst thing. I lied to her face about being porn clean. I will never forgive myself for that. I told her a couple of weeks after the period was over and while she didn't like it she didn't seem to think of it as such a big deal and said she forgave me. Things got better and I thought we could try to but i behind us.

This woman has turned me from a depressed porn addict who hated children and never wanted any, to imagening growing old with this woman and exitedly thinking about what we where going to name our children and where we where going to live. This wasn't just me thinking about these things, we talked about them together often and where equally exited. She was planning to get a dog this summer and I planned to propose to her during a hiking trip next month. I have ordered a custom made ring that I knew she would freak out about.

Then it happened. I had noticed her spending more of her free time thatn usual going to visit friends and family in her countrythe past couple of months and when I asked her about it she said it was because she wouldn't be able to do so for a while because of the dog. When she came home after the next trip she sat me down and said she had doubts about our relationship. She said she didn't feel we got the whole sex thing to work and that she needed more intimacy. She also thought i was immature for my age (which I am, but I keep getting better). She then basically told me all the reasons for breaking up with me, only pausing to clarify that she wasn't breaking up with me. She says she still loves me and wants to be with me but that all these things has made her uncertain if we are a good match. She also said that she is struggeling with being away from her friends and family and that she needs to figure out if she might have made a mistake moving here.

But she keeps saying that she loves me and doesn't want to break up with me, but that we have to use this summer to figure out if we are meant to be. She is turning 30 next year and wants children so her thinking is probably that she is running out of time and that if she wants to have them she needs to be sure if we will work out forever after.

This conversation happened a week ago and she keeps mentioning the possible breakup in passing every couple of days, even joking about it once. She knows this upsets me and says she is trying not to do it but that it is her way of coping. Today she was talking about updating her work resume, and we wond up talking about the situation, She actually said to me that I didn't have to worry about geting somone else if we break up. And she is still insisting that she hasn't boken up with me and that she needs to figure it out over the summer. One of her reasons that she mentioneds today is that she has a very cynical outlook on life (which is true) and that I haven't, and that she is afraid of ruining me and turning me into what she is.

How the hell is this going to have a snowballs chance to work if the goal of the summer is to get closer and more intimate with each other when she is sending me every possible signal that she will probably break up with me in two months? Every time I try to plan something, she mentions something about the situation and I can't thinks straight for several hours, and is certainly not in a romantic mood for the rest of the night.

Sorry to hear this. It seems you are very incompatible and she is somewhat homesick. Additionally she wants a commitment and a mature relationship, family, etc. Not just playing house. Nothing you can do. She sounds done.

I think she's letting you down slowly and hasn't fully processed what the relationship being over means to her. Since her support network seems to be in another country it's not unusual that she's moving through the break up very slowly and trying not to burn any bridges quickly. It's painful for you and it's up to you whether you want to support each other during this transition period. I don't think there's any right or wrong in general. There's just what's good for you and what's not good for you. I don't feel that this is a hopeful situation in terms of a relationship for either of you as you do sound incompatible. She should be able to decide what works for her and you should be able to as well.

It's difficult to really tell when a person has a serious addiction to anything over the web. You shouldn't feel ashamed for your likes and dislikes but speak to someone (trained therapist or professional) who can help you uncover why you feel the need to turn to porn or why you find you may only be getting what you need to get from porn (unable to climax or feel turned on in live situations/partners). The matter seems to be about not enough intimacy and that may also be stemming from not being able to connect on a deeper emotional level with your partner.

I can't tell if you both have intimacy problems and the porn is an outlet or if it's the other way around: the porn is the cause of your intimacy problems. Only you're the judge of that. I hope you feel better soon.

Did you ever seek professional help for your addiction?

You two are totally incompatible and she's letting you down easy - I think she's signed out some time ago. Only thing she is doing wrong right now is not making a clean break. If she's done then she should just go already.

You need to get yourself sorted too before going into any future relationship if you ever want it to work.

How I'm reading the situation is, she checked out some time ago and you're broken up but she's selfishly stringing you along until she has got money together and a job sorted in her home country to leave you officially.

Sorry to tell you but you're entirely incompatible and the reason she brings up the "potential" break up every time you try and make efforts to fix things is because she doesn't want to fix things. She's already decided she's leaving she just doesn't want to tell you for definite because that would mean the inconvenience and expense of finding somewhere else to stay over summer until she has the means to move back to her own country. Who knows, she may have even met someone else over there.

Don't let her string you along with false hope and treat you like a mug. Tell her if she's sees issues with the relationship but isn't working to improve them then she's out. Return your focus on yourself, seek therapy for your addiction/intimacy issues and explore hobbies and mature. This could he very good for you!

agree with everyone else - this relationship is over. She just hasn't told you because she lacks the strength.

Learn some lessons though! Addictions, immaturity and lying = bad. Those are things women do not marry or want.

She is slowly weaning herself from you. Those who chose to leave often feel the loss as well. That and they second guess themselves. But if you'll stand by and slowly allow her to adjust to the idea of being without you, even better. . . For her . . not so much for you.