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Thread: I worry too much

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Thank you boltnrun, I like these four steps, especially #2, that's exactly what I need to learn, like it's not the end of the world. I've always been super responsible, as a child I would have nightmares about unfinished homework, and I was always a serious student. For me it's about having control over things, and I don't like the feeling when I lose control I guess. I'll definitely work on this.

    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I have anxiety and used to worry about all kinds of things.

    I've been able to manage it by telling myself:
    1. I can't possibly control everything and that's OK
    2. I imagine the worst possible outcome and then tell myself what the result would be. Amazon loses my shipment? They send another one! I forget to turn off the stove burner? Then the smoke alarm goes off, the neighbor calls 911, the firefighters arrive and put out the fire and my insurance covers the damage. I forget to clock in at work? I contact HR and they fix it. I forget to pay my rent? I pay the $50 late fee. None of those things are horrible, unrecoverable disasters.
    3. Remind myself that my worry is usually an intrusive thought and I can dismiss it whenever I want to.
    4. Laugh at myself. I can be ridiculous sometimes and that's OK too.

    If you have crippling anxiety see a therapist. I bet if you research you'd find a way to attend therapy. Work insurance benefits? Local college or university offers discounted counseling by therapists in training? Government programs?

  2. #12
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Originally Posted by kim42
    Thank you guys, I think I definitely need to let go of this vision of me being always perfect, I hate making mistakes and this does not help me to worry less. I can't afford a therapist at the moment, but I'll research some techniques and try to change my mindset.

    This is exactly what I am going through, I always believed that if I don't worry enough, it means I am not 'ready' for the outcome, or not responsible to handle the consequences. This has really opened my eyes and I now realize that I should not worry this much.
    I feel like you're in a similar place to where I was last year (and most of my life previous). Desiring to be in control of life events, catastrophising due to lack of confidence in my ability to handle unexpected or troublesome events and judging myself for making mistakes. I'm in a lot better place now, I still get the physical sensations of anxiety but I carry on as normal and my headspace no longer gets consumed by the what ifs. Here's what helped me that you could try.

    Moderate self talk, be your own cheerleader, I turned my internal monologue from things like "I can't cope" "They're so much better" "I don't know what to do" "This is too hard" "I don't have time" to "Come on girl" "You've got this" "Focus focus focus" "babysteps" "I'll figure it out".

    Working on my confidence and self esteem by taking up activities that are challenging to prove to myself I can do things I find hard. Having a little jog each morning and managing to get a little further each day gave me a physical and mental boost. I am scared of heights, confined spaces and water. I have done bouldering, climbing, wild swimming and caving (all 3 fears at once!) I know now I can do anything no matter how terrifying because I faced my fears! I will spend time focusing on my achievements which was hard at first because I set such a high bar for myself I felt I failed at everything. Lower that bar for yourself, recognise the positive things you have done and the good values you hold. We are human, no need to crucify yourself everytime you make a mistake, just accept it's a fact of life that you will often make mistakes, acknowledge your mistake, forgive yourself and see it as a positive, something to learn from and move on.

    If something in particular worries me and I can't shake it I write down a list of options. All of the various ways I could respond to the worst case scenario and then the worry reduces because I know I can deal with it in whichever manner produces the most positive outcome.

    Finding the positives, I try and see any obstacles in life now, not as something to be feared but a way to become better, learn, grow, improve. I almost feel glad for some problems as I see them as a route to personal growth and making me a better more successful person.

    I spend time doing mindful activities and engaging with the present moment, to get out of that worrying headspace. I pay attention to my physical and mental state. I practice recognising the switch from presence to being stuck in my head and use a variety of techniques to bring myself back to the real world. You can focus on physical sensations in your body, tastes, smells, look around and count things, observe the weather, colours, other peoples behaviour, join in conversations, take deep breaths and enjoy the sensation of breathing. Then when you have engaged with the present go back to what you need to do, chores etc.

    I try and be sociable as good relationships are a massive factor in your overall health. If you feel down or are overwhelmed make it known, seek support from your friends, tell your boss you need help to meet that deadline. You will be amazed at the feedback you get if you're willing to be vulnerable around the right people. Joining social activity groups is a great way to meet new people too.

    Self care. Make time to soothe and relax yourself, particularly during periods of high stress. Hot showers, guided meditation, relaxing or upbeat music, yoga and badminton have all worked well for me to feel a better overall sense of wellbeing.

    I recommend the audiobook feel the fear and do it anyway. A good option if you can't afford therapy. There is also a Dialectical Behavioural Therapy handbook which has lots of worksheets to help with anxiety and troublesome thinking. You should be able to find a free PDF download. Both of these helped me a lot. Good luck!

  3. #13
    Join Date
    May 2019
    I'm a worrier too. But one trick I use is to ask if worrying actually makes a difference. If it does, then worry away and use that anxiety to take proactive steps to reduce the chances of something bad happening in that context.

    If it doesn't make a difference, stop worrying about that particular thing.

    Baz Luhrmann is correct: the vast majority of things that really deserve worrying are the kind of things that blindside you on an idle Tuesday afternoon.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Thank you so much for sharing what helped you, I'l glad you are doing better.

    Originally Posted by thornz
    I feel like you're in a similar place to where I was last year (and most of my life previous). Desiring to be in control of life events, catastrophising due to lack of confidence in my ability to handle unexpected or troublesome events and judging myself for making mistakes.
    It's true I lack confidence in myself, like I'm afraid something bad will happen and completely overwhelm me. It's a little ironic as I moved to a different country 5 years ago, started from scratch, and I now have a pretty successful live. I think I'm too hard on myself most of the time, I'm such a perfectionist.


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