Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: 8 months NC.. Bday?

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    73

    8 months NC.. Bday?

    Hi all,
    It's been a long time. I'm feeling like contacting my ex and saying Happy Birthday. I've grown a lot over this time, and I do still care for him, but its not as desperate as it was back then. Do you even try and send a caring message wishing them the best on their birthday? I thought it would be a nice gesture to "bury the hatchet"

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,320
    You didnít wish him a happy birthday last year.
    Because you didnít know him this time last year!
    In fact in the past year you only knew him for 12 weeks? Is that correct?

    You shouldnít even remember what his date of birth is never mind wish him a happy one???

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    11,261
    Try to be honest about why you want to do this. If not with us, at least with yourself.

    You are hoping to reconnect. Maybe even hoping he is delighted to hear from you and suggests trying again.

    You will say it won't bother you if he ignores you or just replies "thank you". But would it? Honestly?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6,328
    Gender
    Female
    Ok... this is going to hurt... but itís the thought that stopped me in my tracks from ever contacting my ex... we broke up shortly after my niece passed away (she was 22).

    Life is short. There are a ton of people who love me and WANT me around and to be a part of their lives. Friends. Family. The people I volunteer with would love more of my time and dedication to the cause. Heck! I could walk down the street and talk to the folks at the seniorís residence and they would LOVE to sit and chat. All those people would very much love and appreciate every ounce of energy I could bring their way.

    When you broke up (and he hasnít been in touch) - that was a very clear indication that he doesnít want you in his life. For whatever crazy reason, he feels his life would be better without you. Ouch.

    I donít think you should spend even an ounce more energy on people who donít want you around. Spend it on the people who DO want you around (and trust me, there are a ton of them).

    He doesnít deserve your ďhappy birthdayĒ.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,176
    It's never a good idea to contact an ex for any reason, if there's still even a grain of romantic feelings. If he replies, you might turn that grain of sand into a full blown beach again, if he doesn't reply, you'll be sad again.

    Ironically, the best time to contact your ex, is when you really don't want to. I'd leave it be.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    1,130
    Gender
    Female
    It would maybe have been harmless, but you just made a post on this forum about it, which makes it not harmless.

    Would you post here asking if it was okay to send a "happy birthday" text to friends and family? No? That's because those people are part of your life, love you, and want to hear from you.

    It's been 8 months. You don't have to be over it, but you do need to pretend that you are where he's concerned.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    I Can See The Sun!
    Posts
    2,368
    Gender
    Male
    It's been around 17 months for me....so I'm well beyond any 'NC = Reconciliation' stage....

    Last month I wished my ex a happy birthday, coz she always remembered mine.....

    About a week later she just replied 'Thanks'.....The indifference was palpable....

    That will hopefully be the last time I send any messages.....

    As the others have said, be very, very truthful with yourself about any agenda behind sending it......

    Our exes have moved on with their lives and buried their own hatchets*

    In the end though noone can guarantee any potential outcomes and it's up to you.

    Carus*

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    1,344
    Gender
    Female
    The part where you said you still care about him bothers me. It doesn't seem the general type of caring for your fellow human being and seems reminiscent of some other residual feelings you might have. I think if you mentioned you were curious or just for giggles or if it was an offhand sort of thing like SGH was referring to (not having to think twice about it), it might not be a big deal.

    I think if you still care about him or are wondering how he's doing or what he's up to, you're not completely over the relationship and it's not a good idea to start initiating any form of contact. I'd bypass this and keep meeting new people and enjoy your time with your friends and family.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    9,874
    Gender
    Female
    If you really think about it, the birthday wish is intended to benefit you more than it does him. He's moved on and you are hoping to either look like the bigger person
    (nothing wrong with that) or possibly crack open a door that's already been firmly shut.

    When the opportunity was there, did he wish you a happy birthday?

    Just don't.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    21,962
    Gender
    Female
    Naaaah. It's not important. If someone wants to move on from you by dumping you, they aren't interested in what you think of their birthday. If you're the one who initiated the breakup, then tossing them such a breadcrumb does more harm to them than good.

    There's really no reason to do it.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •