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Thread: Grand finale of why do I love someone so terrible.

  1. #1
    Member cmae26's Avatar
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    Grand finale of why do I love someone so terrible.

    If you have read my past post "why do I love someone so terrible", I have since had an eye opener. However it wasn't the eye opener in that I was self reflective and able to move on myself. I think every bad relationship or situationship has that one point where enough is enough. I don't know who needs to hear this (as well as myself) but things will end when you are truly ready. We all grieve and move on in different ways. I was frustrated in my lack of ability to stick up for myself and to stop getting myself wrapped in this relationship that was unhealthy and toxic for me. My inability to move on had an impact on my mental health and security. I felt hopeless and a failure that I kept going back to it. after a while, I became numb, I continued the routine and told myself that I'm just bored and it doesn't even matter anyways. I convinced myself that it was just for sex and I stopped caring so much about his antics. From time and time again, I recognized that I was hurt but it was less often. Instead of having break downs everyday , I was now every couple of months. It pains me to write this and be fully aware of this. Knowing that deep down I knew this was wrong and he didn't deserve me, but continuing. Hopefully for others you are able to move on and find the strength to do so and make sure you know your worth before the "grand finale".


    The grand finale....

    We we're supposed to spend the night together. At this point we had been together for about two hours before we decided to get food before it closed. He called the place and ordered us pizza. Like a good little compliant I took it upon myself to go pick it up and he gave me his card. He seemed relucant to give me the card as he complained of being broke. I asked him to come but he decided to stay. Either way I pulled in ten minutes before closing. I get a text message about how the stupid pizza guys called him to say they didn't have pepperoni and he's ing to them on the phone. I text him what do you want me to do? He calls me. He tells me to stay on the phone and to go in there and pretty much argue for things I don't even know what im arguing for. He tells me to make sure I get free dessert and other things as per customer service policy. I have no idea what transpired on the phone but the pizza man is looking at me like I'm an idiot. The man goes to the back. he's yelling at me to say such and such to the worker but I told him he's far away and I'm not yelling across the room. He then proceeds to get angry and says omg are you serious? He says he doesn't have time for him to make a whole new pizza, and says whatever and hangs up the phone. I tell him that it's already cooked and he's just cooking the chicken. Also I'm not one to be confrontational but I tried a few things. The man tells me he's giving me free chicken and I say okay you know what that's an alright deal. I go to pay. I pay half on my debit and half on his as I felt bad. I look at my phone after paying and he sent me numerous messages telling me to leave and this don't get the pizza and to come back. I tell him I already paid. He then tells me "bring my card back and go home". He also told me to grow some balls. Etc. I'm not getting into details as I received numerous text messages that were aggressive. Anyways that's pretty much all I want to explain as it was a huge thing for him except for me telling him what a***hole he is and so forth. Seeing me cry in my car while he is b*tch ing at me of how much I f**cked up until I had enough and Yell at the top of my lungs that I hate him etc and he treats people like garbage. ( In over four years I've never ever yelled at him or confronted him in person). After I yelled he walked away throwing his cigarette at my car. I sped away and he msged me " what my problem was". Then proceeds to Blame me on screaming and driving out of the parking lot like an idiot. I even offered to send him the money i spent on his card as he wouldn't take the pizza. 🤷. And I no longer felt like eating it either. It looked great though.

    The positive of this story- the pizza and other food included was given to homeless people.

    That concludes the drama about frikken pizza.

    At first I felt bad and responsible because when you're in abusive relationships you are Manipulated into believing you're always in the wrong, their behavior is warranted, and you are constantly feeling insecure about yourself and not too sure why...

    Then I realized I deserve much better. Just imagine a man who doesn't throw a fit about pizza and just wants to be with his girl 🤷🤦🤦

    Please no replies about you should have walked away a long time ago. I went through constant guilt and beating myself up because I didn't break it off.
    Last edited by cmae26; 06-11-2019 at 05:04 AM.

  2. #2
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    I hope this time you stay away forever.

    Block him from any and all ways of contacting you. Don't leave one method open "hoping" he sees the light and apologizes and declares his love. Just delete all of them.

    Then take care of yourself. He won't.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    At first I felt bad and responsible because when you're in abusive relationships you are Manipulated into believing you're always in the wrong, their behavior is warranted, and you are constantly feeling insecure about yourself and not too sure why...
    This. Try so hard to not forget this. If you forget, you'll get dragged back in, and you deserve more than to be someone's "problem".

    It took me a long time to learn this lesson too, and I am definitely not here to shame you. I am here to congratulate you on your first step of healing.

    Now go no contact forever and get to some kind of mental health professional. It takes a lot of self-hatred to stay in these situations, and you're more likely to stay away if you start working though it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    So Iím not getting an abused vibe here, Iíll go read your other post and edit to apologize but from what Iím reading it sounds like heís got some anger and maybe entitlement issues and you have your own and together itís just toxicity.

    I think relying on extremes is what keeps people stuck in toxic cycles. It did for me with my toxic as you put situationships, I donít think many realize but the anger phase youíre in right now? Itís all part of the cycle, itís as much a part of the addiction than the actual toxic events themselves. So I wonít bash you for going back, until you get off the roller coaster you will go back.

    It wasnít until I looked at my situation objectively, and not through dramatic eyes that I saw it for what it was and was able to walk away.

    Give it a try.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    So Iím not getting an abused vibe here, Iíll go read your other post and edit to apologize but from what Iím reading it sounds like heís got some anger and maybe entitlement issues and you have your own and together itís just toxicity.

    I think relying on extremes is what keeps people stuck in toxic cycles. It did for me with my toxic as you put situationships, I donít think many realize but the anger phase youíre in right now? Itís all part of the cycle, itís as much a part of the addiction than the actual toxic events themselves. So I wonít bash you for going back, until you get off the roller coaster you will go back.

    It wasnít until I looked at my situation objectively, and not through dramatic eyes that I saw it for what it was and was able to walk away.

    Give it a try.
    Same here. Been there, done that.
    You won't get a lecture from me either. You stay in abusive situation long enough you lose your way.

    An old psychology analogy -
    `Put a frog into a scolding hot pan of water and it will jump out.
    Put that same frog in tepid water and turn the burner on low, increase it in same steady increments, it will stay in it and slowly cook itself to death.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Better late than never. Good you ended it. Now you're free.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You go, girl! I'm proud of you. I'm glad you spoke up.

    You deserve a man who knows how to treat a lady with respect and love.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cmae26
    Then I realized I deserve much better. Just imagine a man who doesn't throw a fit about pizza and just wants to be with his girl 🤷🤦🤦
    Imagine it, then go get it. It's out there.

    I went out with a couple of girlfriends recently. One of them, who I know is with an assh*le of a guy, asked me, "Does your boyfriend get angry when you go out?" I said, "No. No way." She was dead serious. We're in our 40s. Her husband gives her the biggest bag of sh*t when she tries to go out with her friends. She's been with him for over 20 years now. They have four kids. She looked at me and said, "I can't leave now. Who would want me?"

    I have another friend who is with an abusive guy. She talks about the things he does matter-of-factly, like it's a badge of strength. No one showed up for her birthday party (which was held at a bar), he showed up at 1AM and then yelled at her in front of all the patrons. She didn't even seem phased. It's scary. I don't know how to understand her reaction. But she's gone from one abusive guy to the next, all of her life.

  10. #9
    Member cmae26's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I hope this time you stay away forever.

    Block him from any and all ways of contacting you. Don't leave one method open "hoping" he sees the light and apologizes and declares his love. Just delete all of them.

    Then take care of yourself. He won't.
    Haha thats what I sometimes waited for. Or even when I was doing fine without him and got that message about how sorry he is I always fell back. A lot of the times I felt guilty. I felt feelings of guilt always which made it hard to leave. I always thought I was at fault and maybe it I was someone else like he wanted me to be, he wouldn't treat me like that.

    And this is exactly how I felt with this pizza blow up. That maybe if I was more confrontational or "grow some balls" like he said, maybe he wouldn't have kicked me out that night. Maybe if I knew how to manage it he wouldn't be so mad.

    All those negative thoughts, I finally envisioned someone who didn't treat me like that. Someone who appreciated me and didn't put me down for not knowing what to do in a situation. Who would let a small thing go and not treat me like over it. Someone who wouldn't try to make me be their puppet and fight their battles and then blaming me for not being a person that I'm not.

  11. #10
    Member cmae26's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SGH
    This. Try so hard to not forget this. If you forget, you'll get dragged back in, and you deserve more than to be someone's "problem".

    It took me a long time to learn this lesson too, and I am definitely not here to shame you. I am here to congratulate you on your first step of healing.

    Now go no contact forever and get to some kind of mental health professional. It takes a lot of self-hatred to stay in these situations, and you're more likely to stay away if you start working though it.
    You're totally right. I need to get back on track with improving my self-esteem and sense of stability that had been shattered over the years. For me.

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