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Thread: Helpline said not abuse just incompatible

  1. #11
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Helpline said not abuse just incompatible

    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Have you gotten help for your health issues or are you making a choice to remain dependent on a man who from the sounds of it is resentful of having to be your caretaker?

    Im not saying he isnt horrible to you because he is, but you are failing yourself by not taking responsibility for your own health and emotional wellbeing.
    And I also echo this, after reading your first post I am wondering the same... what are you doing to take care of your issues?

    And why wonít your mum take you in until you get on your feet?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately shelters are underfunded and overcrowded. That means they only have room for the most severe cases. You don't need to rehearse a story or manipulate the system to come up with a story that will qualify during their risk assessment, they will need proof, such as police or hospital reports.

    They will take severely beaten women from hospitals, women who have multiple law enforcement interventions, women whose children are threatened, etc before they take someone who is in a less severely abusive relationship. Shelters are not hotels to go to during nasty push and shove fights. They are for women whose lives are in imminent danger.

    Many people will simply tell you to call a hotline without realizing how extremely limited the resources are. Also they don't hand out restraining orders without proof and documentation.
    Originally Posted by Moonlight37
    I feel it would help with finding a shelter or if I need to get retraining order I'm scared of him. Plus I'm married to him . being married ,I didn't know he would change.

  3. #13
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    OP,
    Iím sorry that people here told you before that you were in an abusive relationship when you werenít.
    I have read your previous post here and can see that you were told that.

    I was a member of a different forum back then and advised you back then on that forum that this was not an abusive relationship from your side but rather your partner is in a very frustrating one.

    You said back then that you started to only a year ago suffer from severe allergies. Sorry but that doesnít happen. Itís immunologically impossible.
    Iím sure your allergy testing you went for or at least said you were going for suggested so.

    You say Doctors (plural as in you went to more than one) dismisses your allergies.
    They were correct.
    Unfortunately you didnít go to the same Dr repeatedly about your supposed health issues.
    One visit to one Dr they canít diagnise you.
    Repeated visits to the same Doctor with the same complaints , they would have picked up on whatís actually wrong with you.

    And that is it seems to be pretty bad anxiety resulting in hypochondria.

    I told you this on the other forum! But you disappeared.
    Now I realise why!

    You hop from Dr to Dr , forum to forum , until someone agrees with you!
    Classic case of anxiety!

    You are actually lucky that this man has stayed with you throughout this and has not ever harmed you.
    Please go back to any of the Doctors you have seen and show this post avd my reply!!!

    I want to help you !

  4. #14
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    Ok this situation is so hard to explain ,I have limited resources no car friends that could help ect I have tried to book appointment s for my self my Dr is far away so I couldn't get there myself . I have tried to do things for myself not rely on him ,I asked him to do one favour print stuff off for me ,when I needed him to I wasn't anywhere near a printer and couldn't afford one.I offered to go to gp myself but he said don't be silly you wont get there. I have not wanted to dependant on him and I've done things by my self were I could. It was just his lack of sensitivity,I thought when times at hard or you need help ,that people help you not act one they don't care. I thought that's what people do if they care I don't ask for help only when I needed it! I have wanted to join new surgery but because he kept saying threatening for me to leave the house after conflict s so I thought couldn't make plans as I didn't know we're if he living in a hostel or on the street ,I've had terrible treatment by Drs and wanted to stay with the same dr who knows me if possible, it's not easy to just leave such a difficult seemingly
    impossible situation, I have thought of going to my mum s she won't have me I'm actually scared of him, I have phoned mental health helpline s ,support domestic helpline s ,done meditation ,you have no idea what's it's like being in my situation. I want to leave I don't want him to nurse maid me just support me but he obviously can't I've tried self help utube videos to improve my self and my own mental well being. I just needed understanding.

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  6. #15
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    What do you mean doesn't happen ?! With allergies? it did happen! I explained I was in a moldy house, mold can cause allergies known fact even my Dr and allergies specialist I phoned up confirmed this ,I've researched this . I don't know what you mean lucky he stayed with me the other posters said when you love some one they would what to do everything to make the house safe for me . He was being insensitive end of .I have had to wait months for referal and I got one next week.I came on here for support not judgement .

  7. #16
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    I'm not manipulating ! I got told to go to a hostel by the the people in my last post a while back. And by helpline s I phoned .it's not just for people are being severely batted but are at risk he already said he felt like smash ing me to pieces so I don't understand how that is seen as tame , I phoned outreach service she said verbal abuse leads to physical abuse.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    The question isn't defining abuse or that it's toxic and dangerous to stay. The question is finding appropriate resources that can assist you. Focus on getting out.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Moonlight37
    What do you mean doesn't happen ?! With allergies? it did happen! I explained I was in a moldy house, mold can cause allergies known fact even my Dr and allergies specialist I phoned up confirmed this ,I've researched this . I don't know what you mean lucky he stayed with me the other posters said when you love some one they would what to do everything to make the house safe for me . He was being insensitive end of .I have had to wait months for referal and I got one next week.I came on here for support not judgement .
    I have numerous allergies and have been tested for ďmouldĒ allergies. Guess what? I tested positive lol!
    Itís so common! You know what the symptoms are? Mild !
    There is no known severe symptom to mould allergy ever documented!

    And there are thousands of species of mould , ask your ďspecialistĒ which one of those thousands he is testing for?
    Aspergillus niger, Aspergillus fumigatus, Aspergillus nidulans, Aspergillus versicolour, Aspergillus flavus, Bipolaris species, Alternaria species, Curvularia species, Rhodoturula species , penecillium species , etc etc

    All of these and thousands more are present in everyoneís bathroom , in the soil and in the air.

    If you had a severe allergy you would have to live in a hospital room in a bubble with no air con or windows.

    Yet here you are telling your partner you need to open windows to relieve your symptoms of your mould allergy but all you are doing is inviting more in and claiming you feel better.

    I donít doubt that you are here for support. And I am not judging you. I hope I have educated you at the very least.

  10. #19
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    Why won't your mother help you?

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Moonlight37
    I'm not manipulating ! I got told to go to a hostel by the the people in my last post a while back. And by helpline s I phoned .it's not just for people are being severely batted but are at risk he already said he felt like smash ing me to pieces so I don't understand how that is seen as tame , I phoned outreach service she said verbal abuse leads to physical abuse.
    I donít believe you are manipulative either.
    You do however seem to be suffering from extreme anxiety and you are adamant you have medical illness because of that.
    The throat swelling you describe is classic of anxiety not allergy. But anxiety leads you to googling and when a GP finds nothing medically wrong with you , you think they are being dismissive. And so you donít go there again, you go to another.
    A GP will never diagnose anxiety if they only see you once! They can only diagnose you on repeated complaints of the same symptoms with no medical explanation.

    I want to slap you! And I donít have to live with you!
    That doesnít make me abusive, thatís me being mildly frustrated in comparison to how your bf must be feeling.

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