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Ex Gf Left me... Still loves and cares for me?! Help!


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I dated this girl for about 1.5 years. She was the best gf I’ve ever had. We did so much together in that 1.5 years. My family loved her and her family loved me. It was honestly the perfect relationship tbh! Yeah we argued from time to time, but overall just a fantastic time.

 

Now, about the last month or so of our relationship she started to act a little “off” nothing crazy, but noticeable. Then a few days after my bday she decided to move out and then break up with me.

 

I’m completely devastated. It’s been about to two weeks since the break up, I’ve spoke to her a handful of times. She keeps telling me

“I need space”

“I want to be alone rn”

“I don’t want to be together right now, but maybe in the future”

“I still love and care about you”

 

All this is messing with me mentally. I’m use to a big argument and a big F**k you! But I still want to be with her. She said something about being friends for right now, but I don’t think that’ll help anything.

 

I really want to be back together with her. I miss her crazy. She tells me she thinks about me all the time and is very sad right now.

 

Any suggestions? Tips and advice?

 

Update: I had been no contact for a little. I have a big job interview coming up and she texted me good luck. I was short and sweet and said “thank you.” But I am back with no contact.

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It's over, Dude.

 

She cares for you a great deal, but she doesn't want a relationship with you anymore. It's too painful to you to say that she doesn't want to see you anymore, so she resorts to the common trick of promising a crumb of hope in the future. That isn't going to happen, though.

 

It would be great if she could be honest, but she's afraid of hurting you more. Of course she is sad. 1.5 years of habit has ended.

 

Keep up the no contact, and give yourself some time to grieve the loss. Then start seeing other people.

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She either outgrew the relationship or met another guy and lost interest in you. Whatever the reason, she knows her actions could result in you permanently not being in her life and she's okay with that. The right woman will never let you go--not even once.

 

Why does she say the things she's saying to you now and staying in contact? She's possibly too cowardly to do a clean break. Maybe she doesn't want to be honest of why she's breaking up because it'll hurt your feelings. Maybe she's lying about getting back together in the future to avoid drama. Also, after being together a year and a half, sometimes it's hard to all of a sudden go no contact.

 

Don't let her call the shots. She didn't care enough to keep you in her life for a lifetime. Do what's best for yourself. So that you're not brought back to square one in closure if she reaches out to you in the near future or far future, you should tell her to lose your number so that you can move on.

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What kinds of things did you argue about? You're upset so maybe it'll help talking about the things that were painful in the relationship. You don't sound like you've had a chance to process anything fully yet or accept that the bad parts were not as tolerable as you thought they were. If you need to vent you can use this thread to share more about why the relationship ended and go through the processing stage.

 

When someone leaves there's a very large gap left behind, regardless of how far the relationship has broken down. There's something tangible that's lost and a completely vacant space. If you interpreted the relationship as 'fantastic' overall, that space and vacancy can be very painful dealing with.

 

I like what Sarah said about it being over. It is over and it's best to start there and acknowledge the relationship is over, no matter how you turn it around in your head and no matter how much your heart thinks it might not be. It is completely over. Process and start rebuilding and re-learning this new space/your home.

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The others have spoken the harsh truth...Sorry buddy*

 

What she is doing now is 'weaning off' you...it's not 100% easy for her either....Breakups come in different colours and this is hers...

 

Happened to me and yes it's extremely painful....Keeps that flame of false hope burning bright*

 

There's not really anything you can 'do' right now. She may come back on her own accord but you might as well go and buy a lottery ticket.

 

She will have to miss you enough to change her mind and that can only happen if you're not just a phone call away you feel me?

 

NC: Sometimes doing nothing is actually doing something*

 

Sending You Strength

 

Carus*

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Feel for you mate. Love lost is indeed a hard cross to bear and breakups happen every single day*

 

It Will all work out...one way or the other....

 

Just take good care of yourself. Eat and sleep the best you can. Cry when you need to. Show up for work and protect your income if you have one. Stay off the alcohol....You will need your health and strength to weather this storm*

 

Check out some of these videos for deeper learning and perhaps comfort ~ https://www.youtube.com/user/CameroneProductions

 

Carus*

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Our arguments would always be small petty things. For ex like whose wrong or right on something. Nothing ever major. We got along very well and knew each other very very well.

 

Then the reason she broke up with you had nothing to do with petty arguments, so there's nothing to fix, therefore nothing you can do that will "win" her back. Listen to Garth Brook's song, "Unanswered Prayers" and it might make you feel better.

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Our arguments would always be small petty things. For ex like whose wrong or right on something. Nothing ever major. We got along very well and knew each other very very well. So, I feel as if there is some hope? But at the same time I don’t know

 

Arguing about who is right and wrong doesn't sound minor or small. This suggests to me big incompatibilities. A couple should be able to express their differences but it shouldn't come down to who's right or wrong as that initiates blame games (pointing fingers), devaluing each other and other very negative outcomes.

 

If you think that may be a contributing factor in the break up, it's healthy to acknowledge this. It would be a wake up call or a reality check, so to speak. Be realistic if you both weren't getting along or were engaging in unhealthy patterns of communication.

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We were both people who didn’t like conflicts. I used that as an example. We might have that “type” of argument once or twice but it was on topics that weren’t serious and would resolve very easily.

 

I do find it odd she has mentioned multiple times in the future we could get back together but she doesn’t know what the future is. I’d understand that would be like “softening” the blow if said once. But she’s probably said it about 5 times in different ways. Leads me to believe she might want to in the near future? She’s a very indecisive type of person

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Indecisive is cute when deciding what type of ice cream to pick or what colour socks to wear for the day. It's not cute on anyone when it comes to relationship decisions and decisions involving others and others' feelings. I think you should be careful of the company you keep and try not to associate with people who treat you so carelessly.

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I do find it odd she has mentioned multiple times in the future we could get back together but she doesn’t know what the future is. I’d understand that would be like “softening” the blow if said once. But she’s probably said it about 5 times in different ways. Leads me to believe she might want to in the near future? She’s a very indecisive type of person

 

It is over. Quit trying to rationalize it by saying she is very indecisive because she is not. She decided that she no longer wanted to be with you right? It takes two to be in a relationship and she didn't want to be in one anymore. What you see as petty little arguments could have been huge issues in her eyes. So right now going back thru old arguments, discussions or having imaginary talks with her just doesn't matter. What you do is reflect what happened, admit that both made mistakes and learn from them. Then in the next relationship you try not to make those same mistakes again.

 

Now the other issue is that you are holding on to her words like they mean something. Talks about the future or possible future all have to be thrown out because they no longer matter. Saying things like "I still care for you" "I need space" "We might get back together, I don't want to see anyone else, I need time for me" are all sayings to soften the blow. It gives you hope that there is still a chance. would you rather have her tell you the truth and say "I don't want to be with you anymore its over"? She felt like she had to let you down easy or give you hope, be reality is... It is over.

 

This is okay, you have to remember that this is just a break up and you will take what you learned an make the next relationship better. but it wont be with this one. It will be with another girl who is more compatible with you

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  • 2 weeks later...

UPDATES:

 

I had been no contact for a little. I have a big job interview coming up and she texted me good luck. I was short and sweet and said “thank you.” But I am back with no contact.

 

She likes all my family’s social media posts. She’ll view my Snapchat stories that I post. She wished my dad happy Father’s Day with heart emoji. Her family likes all my social media posts as well. I’ve had some very vivid dreams about us getting back together in the near future and it almost seems like it will happen.

 

Also when she came to collect some stuff from my house she balled her eyes out and I cried a little too. It’s almost like someone is making her do this and she doesn’t want too? I know that’s not the case. She texted my mom the other day saying “sorry i just need space right not, but I do love him and care about him.” They had a decent conversation. Almost like she’ll want to try again at some point?

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How did she know about your job interview if you two are not talking? I can tell you right now that putting your heart and life on hold is going to hurt you and you will have nothing but resentment. You just put the skids on life so you can say "Im still here right where you can find me". To be honest with you, if you moved half way across the country, if she wants you, she knows how to find you. So quit looking for signs or hints that she wants to be back. Im going to tell you a great saying and hope this helps. "If they like you, they will let you know. If they don't, they will leave you confused" So leads me to ask you.. Where are you right now?

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She knew about it because I had been in talks with this company when we were together. It’s like she’s poking at coming back by these things she’s done. Because I feel as if she didn’t want me she or her family wouldn’t deal with anything with me at all

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