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Thread: The phone is a big secret...

  1. #21
    Bronze Member wgmitch's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I checked with a trusted source in the Spanish Embassy. According to him, Spain is not going anywhere anytime soon and is best visited, either alone or with someone, when the heart is beating soundly and the head is cleanly attached to the spine.

    Kidding aside—and, well, I'm not really kidding—I'd really focus right now on how you feel inside, being honest about that, and seeing how a frank talk with her leaves you feeling. Does it bring calm, connection? Does it feel like a bandaid? Does the feeling just get worse?

    Look those questions dead in the eye, and step forward from there. Spain is waiting, ever patient, lovely at all times of year, all the years.
    Thank you Blue. You make me think and smile. :)

  2. #22
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    I'm going to go against the grain here and say if my partner made it known they didn't trust me I would be defensive too, potentially angry depending on what/how much they accused me of.

    I have actually added a password and hidden notifications on my phone before whilst in a relationship, would turn away from him whilst messaging/typing and take phonecalls outside because I value my privacy and don't like my messages being read over my shoulder. It's rude to be on the phone whilst in company etc.

    Behaviour aside, what does your gut tell you? And do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is on their phone all the time?

  3. #23
    Bronze Member wgmitch's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thornz
    I'm going to go against the grain here and say if my partner made it known they didn't trust me I would be defensive too, potentially angry depending on what/how much they accused me of.

    I have actually added a password and hidden notifications on my phone before whilst in a relationship, would turn away from him whilst messaging/typing and take phonecalls outside because I value my privacy and don't like my messages being read over my shoulder. It's rude to be on the phone whilst in company etc.

    Behaviour aside, what does your gut tell you? And do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is on their phone all the time?
    Thornz, thank you. You are absolutely correct and I would be mad as well if I was being accused of cheating. I only brought this up once after the restaurant. I noticed the changes in the phone privacy over a couple months. The culmination was the night at the restaurant as I described above. She distinctly saw me turn around and she put the phone right down on the table face down. I walked away and turned back and she picked up the phone. After that my gut said something is happening on the phone that she doesn't want me to see. Yep, I have a lock on my phone and I too like my privacy. I asked her about what I saw immediately when we got home that night and she started what I have heard and read as being classic deflection, blaming, and defensive verbiage. Her body language was nervous and her response was immediately defensive. She was a completely different person. She said using your phone at the table is rude. As I stated above I have seen her answer her phone at the table while we were at dinner. Besides I was the only one that left the table, all her friends were sitting around her talking. If it's so rude why do it around your friends. The words coming out of her mouth were not what I expected. Her body language was not what I expected.

    Someone asked if it were me being accused and I was not doing anything wrong, what would I do? I would have asked her, "why do you feel I am cheating or deceiving you?" I would have handed her my phone and try my best to put her fears aside. Yes, I'm sure a part of me would have been pissed off and maybe even be thinking, do I want to stay with someone that doesn't trust me? But I didn't get any of that from her. I know everyone is different.

    No, I don't want to be with someone who is on their phone all the time. I know what I need to do, I do.

    Thank you to everyone that replied. Mitch

  4. #24
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Well, if her phone behavior has changed recently to this weird laying the phone face down thing, she's probably cheating. She definitely sounds like a lair. Both are in the same ball park, lack of integrity.

    Since it changed since she went to the Bahamas, maybe she met somebody there - if that's the case, it's probably long distance, and nothing other than pen pals will likely happen.

    Some people cheat because they lack integrity. The other half cheat for revenge. If it's a revenge cheat, you may have taken her for granted in romance, respect, affection, or trust. Make sure you are treating her the way you did in the first few months of the relationship.

    Other than that, I'd get a backup woman, just in case.

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  6. #25
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    I'm on my phone all the time. But I'm usually just on here or Facebook or video game forums etc.

    My wife has my email passwords, can log into my social media, can use my phone if she wants etc. I have nothing to hide. If she was concerned I'd let her look at what I'm doing.

    Maybe she's not up to no good. It's quite possible. But she's certainly acting like she's up to no good. And for me personally, I don't have room for that nonsense in my brain. I wouldn't want, or accept a partner that's going out of her way to make you crazy because she's acting crazy.

    I would simply tell her this. Either she's hiding things which is a deal breaker or she's acting like she's hiding things which is a deal breaker. So stop it.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by thornz
    I'm going to go against the grain here and say if my partner made it known they didn't trust me I would be defensive too, potentially angry depending on what/how much they accused me of.

    I have actually added a password and hidden notifications on my phone before whilst in a relationship, would turn away from him whilst messaging/typing and take phonecalls outside because I value my privacy and don't like my messages being read over my shoulder. It's rude to be on the phone whilst in company etc.

    Behaviour aside, what does your gut tell you? And do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is on their phone all the time?
    So in other words you like playing games.

    I can see not wanting your partner to be on the phone while you're with them but going out of your way to make it look suspicious is crazy.

  8. #27
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    yeah she's cheating on you. All the red flags are there. Next time you're with her look her right in the eye and say "I know the truth." Then wait

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Rabican
    So in other words you like playing games.

    I can see not wanting your partner to be on the phone while you're with them but going out of your way to make it look suspicious is crazy.
    I don't play games. There's nothing suspicious about exercising my autonomy, having basic manners to take a phonecall outside and protecting my privacy when others don't have the manners not to read my business over my shoulder. I added password and notifications because of juveniles at work messing with each others phones. Perfectly legitimate behaviour which was my point. The actions themselves don't tell you a lot without context. Your gut will tell you the truth.

  10. #29
    Bronze Member wgmitch's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by spunkmire
    yeah she's cheating on you. All the red flags are there. Next time you're with her look her right in the eye and say "I know the truth." Then wait
    Okay. What am I waiting for? What a look? Something she will say?

  11. #30
    Bronze Member wgmitch's Avatar
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    Okay, more...

    So we were supposed to go to a wedding this coming Sat., Jun 8. Last Monday when we spoke she said she wanted to go alone and that she RSVP'd for 1. We were to ride up to NY with her parents. I said ok and we decided we would just take a break and think about things. Last night I got a text asking if I wanted to still go to the wedding and that her mom would call her aunt and ask if it was okay. I thought about it and said yes I would go. She said okay and that her mom would call. I did not hear back so this morning I asked if I was coming to her house tonight Friday? It would be easier for me as I'm over an hour from her and then the 2+ hour drive to NY for the wedding. I got this response.

    "Hi. I have had a terrible week. Last night was bad with my son. I'm completely worn out. Tonight isn't good for me. Can you come tomorrow afternoon? We don't have to leave til 4-5."

    Part of me feels I'm being used to fill a seat. I'm pretty sure she didn't RSVP this late, as we have had this wedding plans on our schedule for over 2 months.

    Mitch
    Last edited by wgmitch; 06-07-2019 at 10:15 AM.

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