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Thread: New here, just broke up

  1. #1

    New here, just broke up

    Hi everyone,

    I'll keep this short. My ex was always using the timeout/breakup card whenever we got into an argument. It became a very unhealthy relationship and, for some time already, I knew it wasn't what I wanted. I just didn't have the courage to end it.

    During our last argument, he again threatened me with it and said he didn't want to continue. Yet, he did things that indicated he hoped I would contact him so we could work things out.

    I don't want to.

    But the hell of missing him sucks. I think of him all the time. Why is this happening when I wanted out? It's so painful. I've been crying and keeping a journal and not much else apart from work.

    Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cope's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry you're going through this.

    I know it doesn't make sense right? I'm going through something similar. He treated me badly, I also wanted to end it and yet here I am still missing him.

    If you concentrate on the negatives, it helps. There's no quick fix unfortunately. Don't push yourself too hard to get over it, you need to go through the whole process.

    Have you gone NC?

  3. #3
    Member DimaDemerzel's Avatar
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    It's normal to miss the relationship or even him. You probably have lots of good memories together, and we tend to recall the good times better after a breakup. All I can say is that this breakup is clearly beneficial to you - I'm glad you got out before it could damage you both even more. Now it's best to (immediately or passively) cut off contact with this person and slowly get back into the pace of your life before him, and things will definitely get better once you focus on yourself again. Cope's suggestion of focusing on the reasons why you had to break up and the ty parts of the relationship is good advice if you want to try to get yourself out of these feelings sooner. Best of luck! ♥

  4. #4
    Hi Cope, yes. Completed the first day. We had the argument 2 nights ago and he left yesterday.

    You're right. It doesn't make any sense. He 'wanted out' and I wanted out because I couldn't stand it any more. And it still hurts like hell.

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  6. #5
    Member DimaDemerzel's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DumperKoh
    Hi Cope, yes. Completed the first day. We had the argument 2 nights ago and he left yesterday.

    You're right. It doesn't make any sense. He 'wanted out' and I wanted out because I couldn't stand it any more. And it still hurts like hell.
    Trust that it will pass. :) Remind yourself of it, if you must.

  7. #6
    I tried to previously when I had the first thoughts of wanting out but they made me so angry, I couldn't do NC at all because all it did was made me want to lash out at him. So I stopped.

  8. #7
    Originally Posted by DimaDemerzel
    Trust that it will pass. :) Remind yourself of it, if you must.
    Thank you so much. I hope so. Right now all that I see is the loss.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Well....you lost a guy who wasn't right for you. Not much of a loss now is it? Just keep reminding yourself of that.

    Think of it this way - when you are in a relationship, you create a lot of little habits and when the person is gone, what you are missing is those little habits more so than the person. Best way to reduce the pain is to work on creating new habits. Focus on doing little things for yourself that make you feel good. Don't get stuck on just work and home. Step out. Go for a walk, join a rock climbing gym, check out meetup.com and join some active groups and start meeting people and doing some fun random things. You have to show to yourself that there is a really cool life outside of being with someone. Change your focus.

  10. #9
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    Sorry to hear you’re also going through the same thing as me. I think given what you’ve said, he is a narcissist and manipulator, trying to use threats of a break to get to you.

    That isn’t fair or right. You have to be strong now for you. It will get better.

    I have been trying to keep busy and focus on the gym.

  11. #10
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    Yeah he doesnt sound like a good partner. Emotional blackmail and manipulation is pathetic and low. Keep the chump dumped.

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