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Thread: New here, just broke up

  1. #11
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    Break ups are going to suck. If they were easy, there wouldn't be forums like this or tons of songs, poems, plays about them. So what you are feeling is natural. On that note there are a few things that you haven't or will realize soon enough. You now have room in your heart and in your life for someone better. Yes I said for someone better. Ill be honest, this guy wanted out and it was all about him. I bet if you think about it, the relationship was one way. You make him happy first and if he is in the mood, he will do something small to make you just happy enough to stay. But if you think about it, you were not happy, you were just in a relationship and you had someone to talk to and show some feelings for you. This guy was not the one for you. There are others and better and now that you have room in your life for this person, in the end you will be happier than you were before.

    Don't be afraid of being single. I think this is important for anyone and not just you. People that are afraid of being single or think the status of being 'single' is a bad thing are more apt to get into another relationship that is unfulfilling. Don't get into a relationship just to say you are in a relationship. Use this time to work on you. Find that person that was happy and attracted your guy in the first place. Date, have fun, but don't rush into another relationship. Use this time for you.. spoil yourself.

    In the end, this is the best thing to happen to you. You are free of the drama and you don't have to worry about fights, arguments, what he is doing, what he is thinking or what he is planning. Now, this guy sounds like he is not going to go quietly. He loves the power he has over you so he is going to fish around and push your buttons. DO NOT fall for it. Remember how miserable you feel now and next time he wants to be sweet, just think about if you want to feel this bad again. Spoiled milk doesn't get better if you put it back in the fridge.

  2. #12
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    One helpful tip - try to do things you used to not be able to do because he was around, or because his bad mood or your anxious relationship patterns, would make those experiences not as good as they would have been. It will take some baby steps but the key is to reclaim your life as a single, independent person, with a world of possibilities, and a lot to offer to the world.

  3. #13
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Well....you lost a guy who wasn't right for you. Not much of a loss now is it? Just keep reminding yourself of that.

    Think of it this way - when you are in a relationship, you create a lot of little habits and when the person is gone, what you are missing is those little habits more so than the person. Best way to reduce the pain is to work on creating new habits. Focus on doing little things for yourself that make you feel good. Don't get stuck on just work and home. Step out. Go for a walk, join a rock climbing gym, check out meetup.com and join some active groups and start meeting people and doing some fun random things. You have to show to yourself that there is a really cool life outside of being with someone. Change your focus.
    Thank you. Yes, I have an exercise routine. I'm being kind to myself at the moment and giving myself 3 days to grieve and let everything slide. Today is the second day. I hope by tomorrow to go back to the routine.

  4. #14
    Originally Posted by Chloej123
    Sorry to hear youíre also going through the same thing as me. I think given what youíve said, he is a narcissist and manipulator, trying to use threats of a break to get to you.

    That isnít fair or right. You have to be strong now for you. It will get better.

    I have been trying to keep busy and focus on the gym.
    So sorry to hear this Chloe. How has it been for you? I'm trying to be objective and not label my ex as a narcissist because, well, we're all humans and we can be flawed. Sometimes when we're stuck in anger, we might only see the worst in people. I'm trying not to do that otherwise it may affect me and make me stuck in an anger phase.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    Yeah he doesnt sound like a good partner. Emotional blackmail and manipulation is pathetic and low. Keep the chump dumped.
    Haha thank you. Yes, it's just kinda hard right now. I'm used to having him around.

  7. #16
    Originally Posted by No1
    Break ups are going to suck. If they were easy, there wouldn't be forums like this or tons of songs, poems, plays about them. So what you are feeling is natural. On that note there are a few things that you haven't or will realize soon enough. You now have room in your heart and in your life for someone better. Yes I said for someone better. Ill be honest, this guy wanted out and it was all about him. I bet if you think about it, the relationship was one way. You make him happy first and if he is in the mood, he will do something small to make you just happy enough to stay. But if you think about it, you were not happy, you were just in a relationship and you had someone to talk to and show some feelings for you. This guy was not the one for you. There are others and better and now that you have room in your life for this person, in the end you will be happier than you were before.

    Don't be afraid of being single. I think this is important for anyone and not just you. People that are afraid of being single or think the status of being 'single' is a bad thing are more apt to get into another relationship that is unfulfilling. Don't get into a relationship just to say you are in a relationship. Use this time to work on you. Find that person that was happy and attracted your guy in the first place. Date, have fun, but don't rush into another relationship. Use this time for you.. spoil yourself.

    In the end, this is the best thing to happen to you. You are free of the drama and you don't have to worry about fights, arguments, what he is doing, what he is thinking or what he is planning. Now, this guy sounds like he is not going to go quietly. He loves the power he has over you so he is going to fish around and push your buttons. DO NOT fall for it. Remember how miserable you feel now and next time he wants to be sweet, just think about if you want to feel this bad again. Spoiled milk doesn't get better if you put it back in the fridge.
    Thank you so much! I needed to hear this. I've also decided to be kind on myself during this period. If I soften, it's not due to weakness but due to love. He did try to take care of me and he provided for me as much as possible. It's just the immature way he handles conflicts that I can't tolerate any more.

  8. #17
    Originally Posted by saluk
    One helpful tip - try to do things you used to not be able to do because he was around, or because his bad mood or your anxious relationship patterns, would make those experiences not as good as they would have been. It will take some baby steps but the key is to reclaim your life as a single, independent person, with a world of possibilities, and a lot to offer to the world.
    Thank you Saluk. This is what I'm doing - eating stuff that I like but didn't because he hated them.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. You know it's unhealthy and that's a good start. As long as you are his on/off yo-yo, you'll never meet a decent guy. He's a control freak and he using this to keep you down and under his thumb. "Used to" is not a good reason to participate in this nonsense.
    Originally Posted by DumperKoh
    I'm used to having him around.

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