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Thread: feeling sad and overwhelmed :/

  1. #11
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by caraviolin
    I am not angry over that. I am glad she's finally leaving me alone a little. I am angry over the fact she responded in such a way that morning when I told her I wanted space. Like, it was some sort of a travesty. Like I can't falter, be imperfect...
    First off, just like you she has every right to express her feelings.

    You arenít the victim here, Iím seeing right through all this, youíre just as attached to her and her drama and she is to you, this is a codependent relationship.

    You asked for space, the when she gave it to you your issues came out. She asked for time to process what you said.

    Is it drama to me? Absolutely but see Iím not codependent, so this woman would have never been allowed to get to this point with me, you get something out of this friendship, donít think i dont remember you blasting every minute detail of her sexual assault on this board...

    Time to be honest with yourself, you need to see someone.

    You are allowed to feel any emotion you want. But recognize your feelings are being tainted by the dysfunctional connection you have with her.

    If someone is annoying the crap out of me to the point that Iím going to snap and they finally leave me alone... Iím not noticing if it takes them a long time to text me back, I wouldnít have even texted them Ďare you madí because Iím the one thatís mad, Iím the one who needs space, so when they give it to me, Iím going to enjoy it because thatís what that means you need to leave me alone.

    Honestly I think youíre dramatizing a basic request, you didnít want complete silence you just wanted her to not vent to you so much, but again codependence, dysfunction and whatnot made you tell her what you did and made her react the way she did... you donít get to sit on a thrown looking down at her dysfunction when youíve been an active player, sheís selfish and self centered you always known this youíve accepted it.

    Get your space. Get some help for yourself, stop saving others when you need your own saving.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    First off, just like you she has every right to express her feelings.

    You arenít the victim here, Iím seeing right through all this, youíre just as attached to her and her drama and she is to you, this is a codependent relationship.

    You asked for space, the when she gave it to you your issues came out. She asked for time to process what you said.

    Is it drama to me? Absolutely but see Iím not codependent, so this woman would have never been allowed to get to this point with me, you get something out of this friendship, donít think i dont remember you blasting every minute detail of her sexual assault on this board...

    Time to be honest with yourself, you need to see someone.

    You are allowed to feel any emotion you want. But recognize your feelings are being tainted by the dysfunctional connection you have with her.

    If someone is annoying the crap out of me to the point that Iím going to snap and they finally leave me alone... Iím not noticing if it takes them a long time to text me back, I wouldnít have even texted them Ďare you madí because Iím the one thatís mad, Iím the one who needs space, so when they give it to me, Iím going to enjoy it because thatís what that means you need to leave me alone.

    Honestly I think youíre dramatizing a basic request, you didnít want complete silence you just wanted her to not vent to you so much, but again codependence, dysfunction and whatnot made you tell her what you did and made her react the way she did... you donít get to sit on a thrown looking down at her dysfunction when youíve been an active player, sheís selfish and self centered you always known this youíve accepted it.

    Get your space. Get some help for yourself, stop saving others when you need your own saving.
    I understand. However I will respectfully disagree with the throne part. Saying im on a throne looking down on her was needlessly harsh. No way do I feel like that, and I never will. I have more flaws than she. I know this and admit it. You had me up until those words...but I respect your opinion and appreciate the time you took to respond to me. I am getting help through therapy, I have been. I am trying to "fix" myself, yes. No way do I feel like im on a "throne". And I HAVE been getting help and therapy, thank you.

    You remember my posts well; however I guess you missed the parts where I said Iím getting therapy.

    As far as blasting every minute detail of her assault, she asked me to do that to get opinions. Yes she should have done that herself here. I was only doing that because she wanted me to. I would never have disclosed such personal info without her consent or desire.

    I respect you on the boards. Iím not sure why there is such a harsh tone withme? Did I do something for you to dislike me on the site?
    Last edited by caraviolin; 06-06-2019 at 11:16 AM.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by caraviolin
    I understand. However I will respectfully disagree with the throne part. Saying im on a throne looking down on her was needlessly harsh. No way do I feel like that, and I never will. I have more flaws than she. I know this and admit it. You had me up until those words...but I respect your opinion and appreciate the time you took to respond to me. I am getting help through therapy, I have been. I am trying to "fix" myself, yes. No way do I feel like im on a "throne". And I HAVE been getting help and therapy, thank you.

    You remember my posts well; however I guess you missed the parts where I said Iím getting therapy.

    As far as blasting every minute detail of her assault, she asked me to do that to get opinions. Yes she should have done that herself here. I was only doing that because she wanted me to. I would never have disclosed such personal info without her consent or desire.

    I respect you on the boards. Iím not sure why there is such a harsh tone withme? Did I do something for you to dislike me on the site?
    See you immediately go to thinking everything is personal and an attack.

    I donít dislike you, I donít know you to dislike you, but I do think you are attempting to paint yourself as a victim, even though you placed yourself in this situation, a situation that simply does not rise to victimhood but rather codependence.

    You are right and I do apologize for my choice of verbiage what I meant by sitting on your throne is it seems you donít see your part in all this. If I put my hand in the lions mouth, I donít get to act shocked when he bites me.

    This women is not in a healthy headspace, neither are you, you two connected, maybe because of that? I donít know, she overwhelmed you and you needed some space, you chose a very tactful way to say that which I am not at all faulting you for, I say good for you for standing your ground, but when you did it she distanced herself stating she needed time to process everything and instead of relief you feltbfear and insecurity, asking if sheís mad and now youíre hurt and angry.

    so what would have been a correct response to your request. Keeping in mind she is not in a healthy head space, why are you putting expectations on her that even you canít meet.

    Just leave it alone.

    Get space.

    Continue with therapy. Iím not paying super close attention to your words I distinctly remember that post in question because I remember thinking and responding I would be incredibly hurt if a friend did that to me, and Iím sorry gonna call a spade a spade here, that post was you asking advice for yourself, you were not asking advice for her. I think I made mention to how attention seeking those actions are typically seen. My impression based on this post and that one is quite frankly that, that is what you do... itís just drama...

  4. #14

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    Sounds like you are dealing with a lot right now and tensions are high on both ends. People always say things they don't mean when that happens. Doesn't sound like you can give her the help she needs except to be an ear to listen which sounds like its taking a lot out of you. You have to take care of you as well and it's ok to do that! Maybe after a short breather on both ends you both can sort this all out.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by caraviolin
    I respect you on the boards. Iím not sure why there is such a harsh tone withme? Did I do something for you to dislike me on the site?
    This statements says so much. You are very worried about how others view you; you almost approach a martyr-like syndrome. She sounds like she does not have a big support system, and you fill that void for her. She also fills that void for you! You told her that you were very overwhelmed and needed some time...this is very unusual to her--she is used to having you there at a moment's notice--you have trained her to be this way. So, yes, she does need to process this change. That is hard to understand for you because she has also trained you to know that she will be there for you at the drop of a hat! You are asking each other for the same thing, but you are both offended by it!

    Time to look in the mirror. Help others out of love, respect, and good will--not from needing to be praised or having someone commiserate and tell you how giving you are. If you are overwhelmed from being overextended, then take a break and regroup. Drama is addictive. Time to break the addiction.

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