Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 54

Thread: Don't know how to deal with my boyfriend's anger management issues

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    16

    Don't know how to deal with my boyfriend's anger management issues

    For the past few months (3 months or so) my boyfriend has had multiple outbursts. What I mean by that is that something silly happens like me not ordering the right coffee for him and he just starts yelling and overreacting over nothing.

    His personality is like that with everyone around him, that's just how he is and I've talked to him about it but he won't change and I know that by now.

    I don't know what to do anymore, I can't just accept it and move on because it's not okay. The worst part about it is that every time he has an outburst a few minutes after cooling down he acts as if nothing happened and everything is fine and I'm left there thinking that am I supposed to be okay right now? It just gets me in such a bad mood and I pretend I'm fine but I'm not.

    It is making me hide things from him because I believe he'll get mad and that's not healthy. It's also not healthy that there were times when I thought he'll hit me. Thankfully that never happened and when I told him that, he swore that he'd never do anything like that, but that's what everyone says and he obviously can't control his temper so there is no guarantee about that either.

    I feel like it's hopeless to talk about it with him, but even thinking about breaking up is just so painful from any point of view.

    I've also told him that every time he has one of his fits I think about breaking up and he was so shocked. Ever since that he has been calmer I have to say, but I still can't act like everything is perfect when I clearly am not.

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,697
    Gender
    Female
    You don’t “ deal with it” you leave .

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,038
    Gender
    Female
    I can't tell from your post whether you're both communicating effectively at all. His reaction to you finally saying something and appearing shocked seems to me like he had no idea you think or feel a certain way. He may be angry with you for stonewalling or not sharing enough of your feelings. I'm not excusing his behaviour and I don't believe any kind of force or aggression is a good sign. You should (for yourself) learn to be more communicative and don't feel so afraid from this experience that you shut down completely.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    16
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    You don’t “ deal with it” you leave .
    It's not that easy we've been together for two years and in general he makes me so happy and we have a lot of fun together and I love him and he has many good qualities. And it's obviously not always bad, but I also feel like whenever something like that happens it's slowly eating me up inside.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    52
    Posts
    36,697
    Gender
    Female
    Look up the cycle of abuse and see if it fits.

    Originally Posted by Sge57
    It's not that easy we've been together for two years and in general he makes me so happy and we have a lot of fun together and I love him and he has many good qualities. And it's obviously not always bad, but I also feel like whenever something like that happens it's slowly eating me up inside.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    16
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I can't tell from your post whether you're both communicating effectively at all. His reaction to you finally saying something and appearing shocked seems to me like he had no idea you think or feel a certain way. He may be angry with you for stonewalling or not sharing enough of your feelings. I'm not excusing his behaviour and I don't believe any kind of force or aggression is a good sign. You should (for yourself) learn to be more communicative and don't feel so afraid from this experience that you shut down completely.
    That's true I only share my feelings when it gets too much, but now I've talked about it and it did get better but not where I want it to be you know?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    2,850
    Gender
    Male
    How long have you been together?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    2,123
    Originally Posted by Sge57
    It's not that easy we've been together for two years and in general he makes me so happy and we have a lot of fun together and I love him and he has many good qualities. And it's obviously not always bad, but I also feel like whenever something like that happens it's slowly eating me up inside.
    No relationship is all bad or all good. But there are signs here that the bad is going to outweigh the good.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    16
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Look up the cycle of abuse and see if it fits.
    I looked it up and it doesn't really fit. First of all, he isn't criticizing me or putting me down, he just gets angry and he yells and i shout as well it's not like I'm a victim and I just sit there and listen to him. Secondly, there is no reconciliation phase, after we fight a few minutes pass of us not talking and when everything calms down he just acts normal. And when I talk to.him about it we both acknowledge what we did right and what we did wrong. Plus I never thought for one second that it's my fault he has anger issues.

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    16
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    How long have you been together?
    We've been together for 2 years

Page 1 of 6 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •