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Thread: Is it getting too far

  1. #1
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    Is it getting too far

    Hi, Iím new to this and Iíve never posted anything before. Iím 13 yrs.old and I am dating a boy right now. Weíve been together for 8 months on the 11th. Iíve never dated before so this whole relationship has been a little difficult for me. Heís dated a girl before but she was trashy and inappropriate towards him, so heís glad that he has me now because Iím the total opposite of her. I kissed him on the cheek once during play practice at school and we had never done that before. Ever sense heís kissed me on the cheek whenever he gets the chance to. We donít see each other much at school and now itís summer break so we wonít get to hangout much. At school heís tried to hold my hand a lot and Iíve rejected it because I had a bad past and so Iím uncomfortable doing that. Heís kissed me on the lips a couple of times but Iíve kept it to a limit because it can be uncomfortable. He respects my wishes but I know he still wants to do it. During band class weíd watch movies sometimes and get free seating, especially after our last concert of the year. Heíd always come and sit by me and try to hold my hand or but his arm around me. At first it was extremely embarrassing because my friend was next to me and she didnít like that I was dating him and she thought I was too young to date. Eventually I let it happen but I felt uncomfortable with his friends watching us and the teacher looking at us occasionally. I love him soo much but I just donít know how to express that i love him without getting touchy. His love language is by touch and words, but mines by gifts. Itís been really hard trying to make him the perfect gifts with notes showing that I love him because I donít know if heíll read one a day or whatever my gift says to do. Please give me advice on what you think would be a good gift that would mean a lot to him and that heíd actually do. I also want to know if you think itís gotten too far or if I should tell him to lay it back and a bit. He knows Iím struggling so he tries to give me advice on how to be romantic, but he doesnít understand how hard it is for me. Iíve told him what happened a long time ago thatís affecting our relationship today, and he says he understands, but he still wants me to snuggle into him or kiss him. Please help me decide what to do. Thanks for your time!

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Donít do anything you are not comfortable with, ever.

    But also with love languages you give the other person something that THEY need like hand holding not a gift which is your need or love language.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It doesn't sound like you are comfortable with his approaches towards you. I must ask you if you feel that he is genuine. Do you feel he is genuine in his feelings and actions towards you? What are your gut instincts about this person?

    His gestures may be a little too practiced and rehearsed for you and it's triggering red flags and warnings. If you feel like you're being punched in your gut every time he touches you or you start to panic and want to leave the room, these are not positive signs. You don't always have to rationalize the way you feel but you should be in tune with the way you feel and the way someone makes you feel when they're around you. Trust yourself and do what's right for you.

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    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    You don't need "advice" on how to be romantic, and I think you are wise to not rush a physical relationship! You are pretty young to even be in a relationship with someone. Don't ever let someone pressure you to do anything you do not want to do. If you don't feel like you can say "no" to this guy firmly, you aren't ready to date (and that's okay). Protect yourself. You have the rest of your life to try this stuff out.

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    I really do feel like heís genuine towards me and I know heíd do anything for me. I know him really well and I know that he doesnít want to make me feel uncomfortable. I love it when he loves on me itís just that heís very outgoing and doesnít care what others think but Iím the other way around. Iíve rejected him a couple of times, mainly because his friends were staring at us. Iím going to tell him that I think we shouldnít do that but that we can hug when we see and leave each other. I want him to know I love him but I donít think snuggling and kissing is the way to go. Iím going to tell him we can hold hands and he can have his arm around me but thatís it until weíre in high school or later. Thanks for the advice!

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    I understand why heís trying to give me advice, but he doesnít really realize that Iím not like most girls. I can talk ďromanticĒ as he calls it, over text but not in person because then I feel like Iíll mess up or stutter. Iím going to text him when we talk tonight about how I think we should slow it down a bit. Iíve asked him not to kiss me on the lips before and heís respected it. Heíd ask me if he could but heíd also reassure me that heís not pushing me and just wants to live on me. Iíve said no before even when heís said that and heís understood. I hope that summer break will help with this and that he realizes that romance isnít my top priority or my talent. Thanks for the advice

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Youíre way too young to comprehend love languages or any of that. It makes me sad that youíve had time to even research it, you should enjoy being a kid because you are one, thatís precisely why all this is making you uncomfortable you arenít there yet, donít push it.

    I love him so much.

    He would do anything for me.

    All this idealistic language is just not at all based on anything but ideals and fantasy right now, these concepts donít fit with your first boyfriend you see inbetween class and chat with on messenger and canít even see over break because your mom wonít drive you.

    You have to kinda stay grounded with all this so you donít prematurely learn unhealthy relationship habits.
    Never do anything you arenít comfortable, even holding hands, learn what your boundaries are and how to
    Communicate them. And please no more 0-100. Just enjoy things for what they are. A first boyfriend and girlfriend. This is supposed to be fun. I would be devestated if my child was putting this much thought and stress and effort into a romantic relationship at 13, you have so much time to explore all that, it shouldnít be anxiety inducing this young...can you maybe talk to your parents and get advice?

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Good for you. It sounds like you know what to do. Don't undercut yourself so easily. It's one thing to be humble and it's another to sell yourself short. I think you're fine in the romance department and are navigating the waters very well. I hope it goes smoothly and, again, trust your instincts.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by pmerrill4650
    I really do feel like heís genuine towards me and I know heíd do anything for me. I know him really well and I know that he doesnít want to make me feel uncomfortable. I love it when he loves on me itís just that heís very outgoing and doesnít care what others think but Iím the other way around. Iíve rejected him a couple of times, mainly because his friends were staring at us. Iím going to tell him that I think we shouldnít do that but that we can hug when we see and leave each other. I want him to know I love him but I donít think snuggling and kissing is the way to go. Iím going to tell him we can hold hands and he can have his arm around me but thatís it until weíre in high school or later. Thanks for the advice!
    Good good good

  11. #10
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    Thanks Rose Mosse!

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