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Thread: Is it getting too far

  1. #11
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Sounds like you got your head on straight, you will do just fine with it.

  2. #12
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    Well, I think that's great that you don't want to rush anything too physical and that is definitely a good idea. Although I think that holding hands is a gesture of care and affection and it's technically not too invasive if you're supposed to be dating. When you're older things like holding hands and kissing would constitute a large part of a relationship. However if you're not comfortable to hold hands then are you sure you want to date this boy? Maybe you'd prefer to just be friends? Then all that pressure to kiss and hold hands would be taken away.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Well, I think that's great that you don't want to rush anything too physical and that is definitely a good idea. Although I think that holding hands is a gesture of care and affection and it's technically not too invasive if you're supposed to be dating. When you're older things like holding hands and kissing would constitute a large part of a relationship. However if you're not comfortable to hold hands then are you sure you want to date this boy? Maybe you'd prefer to just be friends? Then all that pressure to kiss and hold hands would be taken away.
    ^^My thoughts as well.

    You also stated this in your original post:

    At school heís tried to hold my hand a lot and Iíve rejected it because I had a bad past and so Iím uncomfortable doing that.

    You don't need to tell us what your "bad past" was but obviously it's having a negative effect on your ability to share the most basic form of physical affection -- holding hands - which even friends do.

    Have you sought any sort of counseling to help you through the emotions you're experiencing due to your past, whatever it was?

    Because it's not going to get any better, and as you reach adulthood, it may have an even larger negative effect on your relationships.

    Also, at 13 years of age, how did you even find out about love languages, let alone research it?

    I dunno, I suppose kids are growing up faster these days; I didn't become aware of love languages until in my 20s!

    So I was just curious about that.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    ^^My thoughts as well.

    You also stated this in your original post:

    At school heís tried to hold my hand a lot and Iíve rejected it because I had a bad past and so Iím uncomfortable doing that.

    You don't need to tell us what your "bad past" was but obviously it's having a negative effect on your ability to share the most basic form of physical affection -- holding hands - which even friends do.

    Have you sought any sort of counseling to help you through the emotions you're experiencing due to your past, whatever it was?

    Because it's not going to get any better, and as you reach adulthood, it may have an even larger negative effect on your relationships.

    Also, at 13 years of age, how did you even find out about love languages, let alone research it?

    I dunno, I suppose kids are growing up faster these days; I didn't become aware of love languages until in my 20s!

    So I was just curious about that.
    I have not gotten or even thought about any counseling because I had always thought that Iíd gotten over it and that it wouldnít affect me anymore sense my parents dealt with it years ago. I do want to hold his hand at times, it really just depends. The main reason why I donít like to is because of people watching and Iíve been bullied a lot over the past 3 years. Ever since my brother was diagnosed with cancer people have treated me bad, so that also keeps me from holding his hand at times because I feel like people will make fun of him, not just me.

    To answer your question about love languages, my mom taught me them through the Bible a while back and my family talked about what each otherís love languages are. I then talked about it at a Christian after school group once because the leader was teaching us about love languages and her daughter talked about her and her boyfriends love languages. Her daughter had also suggested thinking about the other persons love languages. Thatís what made me realize that i should think about what his are and try to show my love towards him by using a love language that he has and that doesnít always come easy to me.

    Thanks for the questions and help😊

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  6. #15
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    In what way do people treat you bad because your brother has cancer?

    My brother also has cancer, he's terminal in fact, and I have received tons of support from those I've shared this news with, including those on this forum.

    So I'm surprised by that and curious how people have treated you badly because of it.

    I dunno, it just seems with your "bad past" and now the disclosure about being bullied, and your perception that people treat you bad because of your brother's illness -- all of which apparently prevents you from feeling comfortable doing something as simple as holding hands (which again friends do) and believing people will make fun of you for doing so -- again I strong advise speaking with your parents, sharing this with them, and getting yourself some therapy.

    Good luck.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How old is he? You don't need 'advice on being romantic". It sounds like he's pushing you to be more physical. Only do what you are comfortable with. If he gets too pushy, break up. You should not be feeling "uncomfortable". That's a red flag.

    Don't let guys paw you up and tell you you need to let them to "show your love". That's a line and a lie. You don't need to prove or show your love with gifts, getting too sexual, etc. Just be you.
    Originally Posted by pmerrill4650
    I love him soo much but I just donít know how to express that i love him without getting touchy. His love language is by touch and words, but mines by gifts. Itís been really hard trying to make him the perfect gifts with notes showing that I love him because I donít know if heíll read one a day or whatever my gift says to do.

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