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Thread: Mixed signals and mind games?

  1. #11
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    She's not in love with you anymore and you will probably never get back together.

    However, she's trying to ween herself off you with this sporadic contact and of course that leads to fighting, drama, and rejection again and again, and she beats you up emotionally.

    This is why sometimes it's best to cut contact.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Stop communicating with her while she processes her decision to break up with you. I promise you are only making things easier on her and reassuring her that she made the right choice.

    Her uncertainty and erratic behavior should be a turn-off. Ask yourself why it isn't and if you want to still be waiting around when she starts dating someone new. It will destroy your self-esteem if you do wait, I promise you that.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Your first paragraph describing the relationship from her view is a bit telling. She said she relies on you too much. To me, this indicates a person who isn't confident in her own abilities and her rollercoaster emotions add to what she's telling you (she is very insecure about herself and where she stands especially in relation to you).

    How old is she? Has she lived sheltered most of her life? There is something incredibly skewed about your dynamic and I think the power dynamics are completely imbalanced. She seems unsure, rife with confusion and lack of self-confidence and in a lot of constant pain. You shouldn't feel like it's on you to fix that. You cannot fix someone who as self-esteem issues. I think you can be a friend but considering your relationship history with her this is not in your best interests.

    I'd move forwards and remain positive about your own future. She has to heal herself and catch up on a lot of growth and self-exploration. That growth has to come from within her.

  4. #14
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    This is not complicated at all. You two broke up, you should not be talking to her. That is how you get off the crazy train.
    BUT if you want to make sense of it all it is also very simple. She is outgrowing you and you are not listening to what she is telling you. She is conflicted, she loves you but hates how the relationship is. I am sure she has told you many times or given hints about your behavior or the constant arguments or how she feels trapped or how you make her feel and you have either not listened, or you dismissed it. And how is it I know this? Because after she told you that she wanted independence from you, you two still argued.. Doesn't matter about what, you wanted to prove your point instead of understanding hers.
    Not saying its a controlling thing but if someone says give them space and even if they want to see you, you give them space. Right now she is confused and by you being available is making the situation worse. So let her be, let her grow and see where she wants to go in her life, this might take months or years to do. You in the mean time, take time off and learn from this, learn about he arguments, the relationships, if you made mistakes how you not do them again. Grow from this ..

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It may be a simple case of you just don't get along. Leave her be and stay no contact so you can reflect on how to best move forward.

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