Emotional girlfriend

My girlfriend is too emotional sometimes. I feel like I’m either Insensitive or she is too emotional. I let a lot of things just slide so as not to argue (what is the point of negativity after all) but she won’t,let things go! everything is “you did this” then silent treatment ensues, or loud crying from the bedroom, and she won’t give in. I make the choice to just give up and agree with her so not to continue a stressful situation. It’s not bad all the time, I love her dearly. But, sometimes she won’t talk about what’s upsetting her. It can be as simple as me not facing her while we sleep (sounds insane I know) or a lot more complex.

I think my main problem is sometimes I feel like she is getting to be the way I was with an ex before I decided to end it. But, then, she says things like “promise you will never leave me”. How am I supposed to take that!? That end bit maybe my issue, maybe she is not feeling like I did back then, with my ex.

I know there is a lot of info and a lot of things lacking that would give you more insight to this story. Give me advice please! As best you can.

How long have you been together?

Look, this seems like someone who uses their emotions as a way to get everything they want. You let all the things bothering you slide while she has a full on outburst over even the slightest thing that bothers her. It doesn't sound insane, it is insane, and she gets you to eventually bend your knee on every tiny issue. It's not about being insensitive or negative, it's about being real and honest.

You can't resolve issues with someone if you can't have a simple talk about them. No one person is equipped to handle someone that has a full on tantrum over any weird thing they take issue with, but I honestly think she only does it because it works.

She gets upset if you go to sleep without facing her??

Too much speculation on our part. I think this could be an either/or situation like you've already stated above.

The bottomline is: if someone isn't adding to your life in positive ways and draining you mentally and emotionally, this is not the right person for you. It's not a matter of who's more wrong than the other or who's the biggest baddie. You're just not getting along or compatible. Respect each other to walk away and resist playing the blame game.

I do think there's a grain of truth in the emotional behavior being reinforced by you consistently giving in to avoid conflict, but I pretty much agree with Rose.

Relationships should be enjoyable at the end of the day. Frequent or constant conflict is a sign that the two of you are incompatible for whatever reason. Ask yourself if you're generally happy with your girlfriend or if you're typically on edge and walking on eggshells to avoid another blow up. Instead of worrying about whether she is going to end it, you should be asking yourself if this relationship is adding to your life or subtracting from it.

She sounds like a manipulative, insecure, dramatic mess! I would wonder why you would continue with this toxic situation?

I truly believe that some women behave like this because the men in their lives (probably going back to their own fathers) don't have a ba**s to stand up for themselves, and essentially tell her to knock that sh** off. In their own words of course.

Take for example, her whining because you don't face her while you sleep. Who the hell knows which way they're facing when they sleep- they're sleeping! Tell her that!

And then her "promise you'll never leave me." Again, who the hell knows whether or not you'll ever leave her, SHE may leave you!! No one should make that type of promise, and no one should expect their partner to make that type of promise. You can tell her that too.

Don't feed into it by coddling her, because when you do, you're actually fostering the very thing you dislike so much -- her continuing to manipulate you with these utterly ridiculous questions, that there are no real answers to.

We teach people how to treat us!!

My girlfriend is too emotional sometimes. I feel like I’m either Insensitive or she is too emotional. I let a lot of things just slide so as not to argue (what is the point of negativity after all) but she won’t,let things go! everything is “you did this” then silent treatment ensues, or loud crying from the bedroom, and she won’t give in. I make the choice to just give up and agree with her so not to continue a stressful situation. It’s not bad all the time, I love her dearly. But, sometimes she won’t talk about what’s upsetting her. It can be as simple as me not facing her while we sleep (sounds insane I know) or a lot more complex.

I think my main problem is sometimes I feel like she is getting to be the way I was with an ex before I decided to end it. But, then, she says things like “promise you will never leave me”. How am I supposed to take that!? That end bit maybe my issue, maybe she is not feeling like I did back then, with my ex.

I know there is a lot of info and a lot of things lacking that would give you more insight to this story. Give me advice please! As best you can.

How should you take her manipulative and needy behaviour? Set a boundary and stop people pleasing. It’s not helping either of you to keep giving in all the time.

I agree with Katrina.

This is coming from someone who had only dated normal girls all his life, and finally ran into someone like this...and it turns out a lot of women are like this. So much so there are entire dating channels dedicated to dealing with this type of behavior. lol. It's so weird.

Just educate yourself on this...it will not only save this relationship, but prepare you for all future relationships.

The best advice I've read on this (and have applied it)...is to stand FIRM on things, and make it fun. Don't just stand your ground, but turn it into a game. See these actions as her way of seeing if you're strong enough to deal with her.

There's also a crap ton of reasons why she might be acting like this too. But really...there is a TON of power in walking away. Once she sees you care more about yourself...and will leave, she'll have respect for you and knock it off. You have to realize that love doesn't hurt. It's not supposed to be drama filled or painful...or stressful. Once you know this, you can leave situations that make you feel bad. This is how to have healthy relationships.

I truly believe that some women behave like this because the men in their lives (probably going back to their own fathers) don't have a ba**s to stand up for themselves, and essentially tell her to knock that sh** off. In their own words of course.

 

Take for example, her whining because you don't face her while you sleep. Who the hell knows which way they're facing when they sleep- they're sleeping! Tell her that!

 

And then her "promise you'll never leave me." Again, who the hell knows whether or not you'll ever leave her, SHE may leave you!! No one should make that type of promise, and no one should expect their partner to make that type of promise. You can tell her that too.

 

Don't feed into it by coddling her, because when you do, you're actually fostering the very thing you dislike so much -- her continuing to manipulate you with these utterly ridiculous questions, that there are no real answers to.

 

We teach people how to treat us!!

She needs to grow up. You, for your own faults (no healthy guy would put up with this for any stretch of time), aren't going to be the guy who snaps her out of it. Absent leaving her, you're likely not going to do much to push her in the right direction.

I'm not calling her evil incarnate, but most of us have some extent of toxic or otherwise unsustainable dating / relationship habits early on. The largest kindness that can be extended is often voting with your feet. The sooner the pattern is established, the sooner people start looking inward.

Oh no!!! She has googled that thing that says how your sleeping patterns determine your relationship lol!

I have never slept face to face with a partner, you know why? Because it’s uncomfortable lol!

She basically is not happy with the relationship and desperately seeking why she feels unloved by you?

Instead of her google searching why don’t you ask her? And chat about it?

Might boil down to the 5 love languages and she is not that crazy after all?

Communicate!!! Rather than have her second guess?

If this is new behavior and she was not like this in the beginning, yes, she's falling out of love with you. When their love level is dropping, they get moody, grouchy, and argumentative.

She sounds quite immature and insecure. By using these passive-aggressive stunts she manipulates you into knowing her emotion (pissed, hurt whatever) but not why. This makes you the perpetual bad guy because all she does is emote rather than express a specific thing in a context where you could address it.

You wouldn't have to play guessing games and have hours and hours of time hijacked to pay attention to her and her pouting. That is the entire point of this, not whatever the big sin you committed is (sleeping the wrong way, etc). That's why on it's surface it makes no sense.

Simpy do not indulge or reward this. Don't give in to tantrums. If she wants to discuss whatever is bothering her let her grow up and learn to talk. Suggest therapy when she acts out and express that she needs to articulate what's up and therapy may help her sort that out.

sometimes she won’t talk about what’s upsetting her. It can be as simple as me not facing her while we sleep (sounds insane I know) or a lot more complex.

I will tell someone upfront that I need lots of space when I sleep...but beforehand I love to cuddle! So the needing to sleep face to face would probably be the dealbreaker..lol.

Sorry, this girl needs to grow up and stop being so dramatic and needy.