My boyfriend wants me to move in with him and his mum

Hi, I am 28 and living in UK from nearly 8 years now. I am foreign and my boyfriend is British, he is 31 and still living with his mum. We are together for over 1,5 year now. I am currently renting a room in share property which I am not happy about, I am looking for my own place from months but all I can see are either properties placed too far away from my workplace or too expensive to afford on my own. A while ago my boyfriend's mum asked me why don't I move in with them and save some money at the same time. I ve heard it from her couple of times already + even my boyfriend mantioned it to me few days ago. I obviously had a conversation with him few times about us moving in together without his mum around, but he said it to me straight that as long as he isn't working full time he won't move out from his mum's. I want to add that he has an chronic illness. that makes it difficult for him to maintain a full time position anywhere really. What do I do? I keep thinking about it, but I like my independence and its really hard for me to make a decision.

Thank you for any help and advice I can get.

Kind regards

A.

I think that you should think about your future. Do you want to be with someone where you will be sharing a home with their mother? Also, will you be cool supporting him and your family? What happens when you have children? Are you all going to live in the mother's house?

You need to think long-term. I cannot fathom this scenario. What is his condition?

Find a roommate.

Do not do that. Find another young woman who is looking for a roommate first.

It is not good for your relationship dynamic.

Would you honestly be comfortable having sex when mom is right there?

And she is the lady of the house - its not like its his house and she is elderly and has moved in.

There may be another situation that is a house share that is a nicer situation for you. you just have to look harder. Stay where you are at in the meantime.

Also, it will give you time to find out if you really want to be with him long term.

Or you want to find a new boyfriend.

I don't think its a good idea to move in with your boyfriend unless you intend to marry and it looks like he would need you to support him because he won't work more than part time.

I'm not sure what you're hoping to achieve with this relationship. Go back and ask yourself what you see in your future. Are you looking to settle down? This person means something to you but whether we like to admit it or not, it's not always as simple as pure emotions. We look to our partners for pragmatic purposes also and are drawn to traits that we see beneficial to ourselves.

Ask yourself what this man means to you and whether you've got your priorities straightened out. You should be able to look long term as Holly says. Please be careful about your choices as your options in the future may be limited by the choices you make now.

I agree with the other poster, you are best to find a roommate so you can afford better accommodations. Now with this information you have provided about him, what do you expect your future to be like with him if he isn't able to obtain full time employment?? His illness is forever and possibly will get worse down the road...how can you expect him to ever be able to support a mortgage, kids, etc. also there will be medical expenses that I'm sure none of you will ever be able to afford. I think a year and a half is long enough to know whether this is worth investing in or not.

he may be lining you up to be his nurse and a purse.

I would not move in with an underemployed ill person. Sorry, it is too much responsibility.

I think y'all are being kind of harsh on the dude. He only works part-time and he has an illness. He wouldn't be able to afford living on his own, either. At least he was honest with her about it.

OP, him not wanting to move due to the circumstances that he mentioned seems okay - but they don't match your own goals and ideals. And that's also okay. It just means that it's an incompatibility, and I suspect that it'll be the reason for a lot fights if neither of you compromises.

I think y'all are being kind of harsh on the dude. He only works part-time and he has an illness. He wouldn't be able to afford living on his own, either. At least he was honest with her about it.

 

OP, him not wanting to move due to the circumstances that he mentioned seems okay - but they don't match your own goals and ideals. And that's also okay. It just means that it's an incompatibility, and I suspect that it'll be the reason for a lot fights if neither of you compromises.

It's not something he could hide. The dude lives with his mother and only works parting due to his illness. Seems like a lot to saddle oneself with.

Nothing is more important than you independence. Don't move in with his mother. Two is company, three is a crowd.

I wouldn't do it. Should a problem or disagreement enter the scene, keep in mind that blood is thicker than water. Having said that, and whether you're right or wrong, you'll still be the enemy.

Nothing is more important than you independence. Don't move in with his mother. Two is company, three is a crowd.

Yes. If you were married 35 years and your husband were to become disabled, that's one thing, but to take on a young man that cannot take care of himself and must rely on mom for his housing? Its not a high bar to find someone who is lookig after themselves

Don't move in with them and do not complain or talk about your living situation to him or his mother. You'll have no privacy and will be nothing more than a house guest. It also locks you into this situation way too much.

Simply keep looking for affordable house shares, apts, rooms, roommates, etc. Also you can not move in with just him unless you can handle much more than half of the all the living costs and supporting him unless he receives money from disability that he can put toward that.

he said it to me straight that as long as he isn't working full time he won't move out from his mum's. I want to add that he has an chronic illness. that makes it difficult for him to maintain a full time position anywhere really. I keep thinking about it, but I like my independence

There's no way I would ever do that. Period.