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Thread: Devastated after being ghosted after single date due to performance issues

  1. #21
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Dude, it's time to man up. For real. You say you're "trying" but you're sort of using this thread to indulge the very loop you claim to want out of. So, again: therapy.

    But also? This is just your ego. Not your head, your heart, or the schizoid head between your legs. Ego, ego, ego. Get intimate with that and, in the process, you'll just demystify all the absurd stories you're telling: about how she's perfect, about how you're not a man. You're just a dude walking the planet with a swollen ego and, in that, you are not alone. There are lot of dudes out there being tugged around by their egos, feeling like Hercules when the ego is stroked and like the World's Most Wounded Man when the ego balloon is poked with a pin.

    It's not a cute look. Be cute. Cute sleeps at night. Ladies like cute. Win win.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Dude, it's time to man up. For real. You say you're "trying" but you're sort of using this thread to indulge the very loop you claim to want out of. So, again: therapy.

    But also? This is just your ego. Not your head, your heart, or the schizoid head between your legs. Ego, ego, ego. Get intimate with that and, in the process, you'll just demystify all the absurd stories you're telling: about how she's perfect, about how you're not a man. You're just a dude walking the planet with a swollen ego and, in that, you are not alone. There are lot of dudes out there being tugged around by their egos, feeling like Hercules when the ego is stroked and like the World's Most Wounded Man when the ego balloon is poked with a pin.

    It's not a cute look. Be cute. Cute sleeps at night. Ladies like cute. Win win.
    Maybe so man, I don't know. Or being on my mind all day, I feel like I want to talk about our let the crap out. And this is the only method I know of at 1 in the afternoon at work.

    I guess it's ego? I definitely feel embarrassed and ashamed for sure. But that's not really what's stuck the hardest. It's wanting her and wanting this fantasy of what I was hoping I'd found or something.

  3. #23
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    And I've never been in a place where i think you'd call my confidence/ego "inflated" or even healthy for that matter. It took me years after my ex left to get the courage to go on another date.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ReaperOfGrim
    And I've never been in a place where i think you'd call my confidence/ego "inflated" or even healthy for that matter. It took me years after my ex left to get the courage to go on another date.
    Exactly. That is all ego. Ego basically holds onto pleasure and pain and "inflates" it into being more than it is, and so you swing wildly from high to low, "never" quite being in the place that is real, that is you.

    Therapy, my friend. It's waiting for you.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Exactly. That is all ego. Ego basically holds onto pleasure and pain and "inflates" it into being more than it is, and so you swing wildly from high to low, "never" quite being in the place that is real, that is you.

    Therapy, my friend. It's waiting for you.
    Jeez I've never thought about it in that way. I've always considered ego as being overconfident, cocky, ect. Maybe I do have an ego problem. Right now, I know my confidence is at an all time low, barely even able maintain eye contact in a conversation. This is something that wasn't even present closer to the actual event that led to this. Is this something that therapy can actually help me with?

    I called afew therapist offices on my insurance, but they far outside of my budget. I talked to a coworker today that recommended someone he's seeing that I will fall after work today. I also started wellbutrin today in hopes it would help my inability to focus, and clear the depression I've felt lately and hopefully quit smoking cigarettes.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by ReaperOfGrim

    I also started wellbutrin today in hopes it would help my inability to focus, and clear the depression I've felt lately and hopefully quit smoking cigarettes.
    Wellbutrin may help you with all that, but keep in mind, anti-depressants tend to have a somewhat negative effect on your sex drive (decreases it, impotency), did your doctor explain that to you?

    I was on a different antidepressant for awhile, it helped me tremendously at the time, but it did have a negative impact on my and my boyfriend's (at the time) sexual relationship. It took a real hit.

    I would hate for you to get into another situation with a woman you like and experience the same issue, due to the meds.

    And just my opinion and experience, I did not have a good experience with private therapy. I don't have time to go into why, but I found support groups (monitored by a therapist) among those experiencing the same emotional issues I was to be much more beneficial.

    So that might be something to look into too, if you're having difficulty affording private therapy.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 06-05-2019 at 04:55 PM.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Wellbutrin may help you with all that, but keep in mind, anti-depressants tend to have a somewhat negative effect on your sex drive (decreases it, impotency), did your doctor explain that to you?

    I was on a different antidepressant for awhile, it helped me tremendously at the time, but it did have a negative impact on my and my boyfriend's (at the time) sexual relationship. It took a real hit.

    I would hate for you to get into another situation with a woman you like and experience the same issue, due to the meds.

    And just my opinion and experience, I did not have a good experience with private therapy. I don't have time to go into why, but I found support groups (monitored by a therapist) among those experiencing the same emotional issues I was to be much more beneficial.

    So that might be something to look into too, if you're having difficulty affording private therapy.
    I appreciate the advice. I looked into it abit, and according to what I've read, alot of people switch to wellbutrin from other antidepressants due to the fact that it actually impacts sexual function less than others. And I've got about 30 erectile dysfunction "just in case" pills prescribed to me by my doctor (why couldn't I have had those 2 months ago?? I feel like my heart would be full at the moment).

    I talked to a coworker today and opened up a little about what I've been going through. Turns out he's going through the same thing. He's been going to a therapist that's on our plan, and can use an HSA card at. I'm attempting to make an appointment asap.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by ReaperOfGrim
    I a (why couldn't I have had those 2 months ago?? I feel like my heart would be full at the moment).

    .
    Dude, she was living with her husband. It would not have ended up being a relationship. It was a bullet dodged.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Dude, she was living with her husband. It would not have ended up being a relationship. It was a bullet dodged.
    I agree with this, and Reaper, when you begin your therapy you might want to consider talking with your therapist about why you allowed yourself to become so emotionally attached to a woman who was living with her husband and therefore clearly unavailable.

    You may not believe this, because much of it is on a subconscious level, but those who tend to form attachments to others who are married, in a relationship, or otherwise emotionally unavailable, tend to be emotionally unavailable themselves.

    Their emotions tend to be on a fever pitch when involved with such people, not rational and obsessive. Versus dating/getting involved with those who are open and available for a RL, who for some reason they don't find quite as intriguing or compelling.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Dude, she was living with her husband. It would not have ended up being a relationship.
    Right!

    C'mon, buddy. Let's say you had the magic pills in the back pocket that night? Cool, you'd have had some decent sex—semi-hot, semi-not first date sex—with someone who was married, not interested in a relationship, and leaving town.

    You can't bang those truths out of someone. You're not a conquerer.

    Had you gone down that road you'd be right here, at right about the same time, basically writing the exact same post, except the part where you didn't get it up would be subbed in with some pharmaceutically enhanced sexcapades after which...she ghosted and/or faded out and left you devastated.

    You hadn't dated in a good stretch and then pinned your hopes, hard and fast, on a woman who made clear she had no interest in a relationship. What's going on there? Those are the wires to untangle, and I'm standing by my earlier assessment that your penis was looking out for your best, and truest, interests that night.

    There is literally a whole different way to process this, and if you can find away to get the wisdom the head between your legs showed the other night into the head above your shoulders you are in for some golden stuff and some very hot sex with right person, at the right time.

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