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Thread: He tried it on with his best friend during our relationship

  1. #11
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    Any time you are seeing the hardcore drugs come out, it is time to move on. You did know that he was a heavy drinker, though. He does not sound like a dabbler.

    These things should have been deal breakers for you.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Great to hear about therapy. There's a mine of gold waiting for you that will help you see this differently and sharpen your compass for future relationships.

    I mean, him "liking" that you helped him do less drugs? I get how that felt like intimacy—made you feel "good" for "being there" and "helping him" be better—but it's not the sort of bond you want.

    Imagine a man saying he liked having sex with you because it "helped him" not have sex with other women all the time. Kind of the same thing, you know?

  3. #13

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    Are there posts on here about co-dependency?

    Possible I'm attracting these types of men, my ex of 18years was a dope user and he turned out to be emotionally abusive. My recent ex was only my second relationship ever.

    I want to learn more about myself and find the reasons I'm finding these types of men... I don't want to find a third!

  4. #14
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    YOU are attracted to them, it's not the other way around. You look for projects and losers to rescue.

    This is why you need a therapist to understand your co dependency.

    All you have to do is Google it. I will provide one for you: [Register to see the link]

  5.  

  6. #15
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    Oh, dear.

    You have discovered some pretty concerning information about him. I am sure there is plenty you don't know as well. He managed to hide this from you, so I would bet money that this is not the extent of his indiscretions.

    Get yourself tested, OP. I advise anyone who finds out their partner was searching for sex outside the relationship, regardless of whom it was with. You have just learned he's a secret-keeper. Don't take the chance that he was always honest and faithful with you.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Move forwards. This is part of your past now. Let it be part of the past and let it rest. I'm not sure why you feel drawn to these types of men but it's good that you recognize that in yourself now. Maybe look back at your childhood and try and understand why this type of lifestyle feels familiar to you. There is some familiarity there and it's not triggering normal red flags that would usually trigger others. For some reason this type of behaviour in a partner seems normal to you. I'd unpack why that is. Learn from your mistakes in any kind of relationship that is hurtful or negative to you, your well-being.

    Move forwards.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    The drinking, drugs and breakup would be enough 'closure' for me. I wouldn't even need the friend's accusation to seal that for me, much less a confrontation with the ex. Skip that, invest in your own healing. Over time you'll start to see ex from a new perspective as you reach higher ground. Your therapy can help you to build confidence in your resilience and ability to choose a better partner when you're ready.

    Head high.

  9. #18
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    This guy sounds awful..run and don't look back!

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get yourself tested. He may be prostituting for drug money or having M2M sex for pleasure. Educate yourself on the health risks of being with someone like this: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Lauelle
    Since the split I've had his best friend tell me he that ex asked him quite persistently for sex.

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