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Thread: Husband caught gay dating site

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    There is nothing noble, respectable or inherently human about being deceitful, being on the down low and exposing a partner to the consequences of high risk sex.
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I think you owe it to yourself to still respect him as a human being and respect that his vulnerability has been exposed. I believe that we are all created perfect as we are, meant to be exactly as we are. He is exactly what he is meant to be and all this pain will one day mean something to you.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    My heart goes out to you. I would tell him that if he threatens self harm again, you're calling the police, and actually do it, as they are trained to deal with this situation. Do you have family where you and your children can stay with while you sort through this?

  3. #13
    I feel exactly as you mentioned your acquaintance felt, like heís wasted my life. I donít know if I can forgive the fact that he has had my best years and that Iím now facing the possibility of a life as a single mother to 4 children while he will probably get over this and move on and have a new happier life be it with a man or a woman.
    I love him so much and my heart is telling me to believe that he hasnít actually met up with anyone although my head tells me that he is just owning up to what heís been caught doing which is messaging and pictures.
    I just donít feel I could ever trust him again.

  4. #14
    He has begrudgingly left the family home and is staying elsewhere. I donít feel that I can talk to anyone about this. I have told a close friend that Iíve caught him on a site arranging to meet women. I just donít feel able to share the full extent of it with anyone.

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  6. #15
    Bronze Member EternalOptimis's Avatar
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    I'm sorry this has happened to you. As others have said, he's a deceptive cheater and whatever internal issues he has, he chose himself over you and the family.

    Originally Posted by Heather98765
    he has had my best years
    Technically, you had his best years too. Seriously, never look at it that way or you will grow bitter and resentful. See a therapist, just for you. To help you understand you couldn't have seen it coming.

    Originally Posted by Heather98765
    Iím now facing the possibility of a life as a single mother to 4 children while he will probably get over this and move on and have a new happier life
    Unless he's a complete sociopath, I don't think he can simply forget his 4 kids and the happy times he had with all of you. This will be very hard on him too (and rightly so).

    Therapy will help. Distance from him will help. You may learn to trust him again, but you won't know that now.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Heather98765
    I feel exactly as you mentioned your acquaintance felt, like heís wasted my life. I donít know if I can forgive the fact that he has had my best years and that Iím now facing the possibility of a life as a single mother to 4 children while he will probably get over this and move on and have a new happier life be it with a man or a woman.
    I love him so much and my heart is telling me to believe that he hasnít actually met up with anyone although my head tells me that he is just owning up to what heís been caught doing which is messaging and pictures.
    I just donít feel I could ever trust him again.
    You shouldn't have to trust anyone like this again. Listen to your gut instincts. You don't sound like a hateful or vindictive person. I'd just caution you not to internalize that kind of hatred or anger for your children. Like I've said, nothing in the world can change what has happened. He's owned up to what he's done and that's enough. Whether you want to open up more communication with him and see if the marriage works for you is really up to you.

    When you enter a forum, many people will have differing ideas on what to do as we all come from different backgrounds. Some have been cheated on, others have been witnesses to it and others still have cheated too so there will be a range of emotions and views. You do what's right for you and your family.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Heather98765
    He has begrudgingly left the family home and is staying elsewhere. I donít feel that I can talk to anyone about this. I have told a close friend that Iíve caught him on a site arranging to meet women. I just donít feel able to share the full extent of it with anyone.
    Please be honest with your closest friend. I can understand not wanting to tell everyone, but have one confidante at least that you can be totally honest with. It is for your own mental health. Choose a friend wisely who doesn't gossip/holds your best interests at heart.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Y I'd just caution you not to internalize that kind of hatred or anger for your children. Like I've said, nothing in the world can change what has happened. He's owned up to what he's done and that's enough. Whether you want to open up more communication with him and see if the marriage works for you is really up to you.
    .
    I disagree -- punch or scream into a pillow. let it out. ******

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    My heart goes out to you. I would tell him that if he threatens self harm again, you're calling the police, and actually do it, as they are trained to deal with this situation. Do you have family where you and your children can stay with while you sort through this?
    You got kids, I would call the police the second he threatened to harm you or himself.

    I don't even know what to tell you about the rest.... Get tested, get an attorney, therapist for you or him or both.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Agreed with the other advice: test, therapist, and police if he threatens himself or anyone else.

    This is NOT your fault. Find someone to confide in, even if itís just the therapist. You have no reason to feel ashamed, so donít feel that if you choose to share with a friend.

    I would encourage you to watch Grace and Frankie on Netflix. Itís a similar situation and may help you cope while adding some humor too.

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