Trust issues

Hi all. I have quite a rubbish situation and I need help to sort out what's going on.

Basically last month I found out that my girlfriend of almost 2 years had been sexting a guy that both us know from an online game. I immediately told her to stop contact and she agreed and said it had stopped. However 2 days later they were messaging again but this time not to do with sexting but just general chatting. He however proceeded to tell her he had feelings for her and mess her head up to the point she wasn't sure what she wanted. I wanted him blocked on everything which she agreed to. However 2 days later again I found out she had messaged him. I wasn't happy this time and told her it's him or me and she chose me and told me this would change. 2 weeks go by and I thought everything was going well until I find out that she had been sexting him all night when I was working nightshift. I lost it, I was so upset I told her to pack her bags and go back home. This was over. I was firm in my choice and I think she realised I wasn't going to be a doormat anymore. She asked for one more chance to prove that she wants me and only me. Her body language was different from the other times and she was doing all the fighting to keep the relationship together this time. I decided to give her another chance but told her if it happens again there are no more chances. I'm finding it very hard to trust her at the moment and question everything she does. I think it'll get easier but I feel she still harbours something for this guy. She claims she wants me and would never have met him. However she still listens to the songs he sent her. Is this just normal? Do we have a chance at this relationship

You already gave her more than once chance and she has continued to lie and cheat on you. You are having a "hard time" trusting her, because she isn't trustworthy. Stop being a doormat and actually end the relationship. Believe me, she'll do the same thing to the next guy and it really isn't worth the energy you are putting in.

As Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

Why in the world were you asking her to chose? Dude, where is your self respect you are being a total doormat! You should be gone! How foolish to give her another chance to disrespect and cheat on you.

You will have no one else to blame when she cheats again!

I really care about this woman and I'd happily give it a go as when it's working well it's great. She doesn't hide anything when I ask and she doesn't want us to break up. She said after the last time She felt more confident that this wouldn't happen again and never wants to see me hurt again. As brutal as it sounds she told me she felt she got it all out her system the last time. She's blocked him on everything and told me it was the feeling of the excitement that she enjoyed but she doesn't enjoy that more than she does being with me

I really care about this woman and I'd happily give it a go as when it's working well it's great. She doesn't hide anything when I ask and she doesn't want us to break up. She said after the last time She felt more confident that this wouldn't happen again and never wants to see me hurt again. As brutal as it sounds she told me she felt she got it all out her system the last time. She's blocked him on everything and told me it was the feeling of the excitement that she enjoyed but she doesn't enjoy that more than she does being with me

She cheated on and lied multiple times. She does not respect or love you. If it isn't him, it will be someone else.

Why did you come here for advice? it seems that you have all of the answers.

I guess I was hoping someone would tell me that there may be a chance she genuinely wants me for me. She's told me I'm a perfect guy and that she's really screwed up.

I guess I was hoping someone would tell me that there may be a chance she genuinely wants me for me. She's told me I'm a perfect guy and that she's really screwed up.

That's why she lied and sexted multiple times, after telling you that she would stop.

You are being played for a fool. She cares about this guy. If it isn't him, it will be someone else.

Were this a marriage, or even a 5 year relationship, I would likely have a softer take than the rest. But this after not even two years? Things should still be pretty smooth and peachy at this stage, not quite in the how-to-prevent nuclear war stage.

Which, hey, you tried to make happen. And I think that's awesome. You had your initial confrontation, asked for new boundaries. She broke that. Multiple times. Not good.

Realistically, here's where you are right now: You can give it a go, go into therapy—separately, together—and the best case scenario is that a year from now this chapter is just that: a dark chapter in an otherwise pretty good story. Odds of that? Very, very, very slim. I'd happily put 20K down right now on it not working, and I don't know you and 20K ain't chump change for me.

So, really, here's what you have to ask yourself: Do you want to basally spend as long as you've been with her in the state you're in right now with the hopes of beating odds? Or do you want to just call this what it most likely is, a relationship that has run its course?

She's told me I'm a perfect guy and that she's really screwed up.

When people tell you who they are, you should believe them. She's really screwed up and she has shown that she is capable of screwing you over multiple times. Do the math.

It doesn’t matter how much you care for her.

What should matter is how little she cares for you.

She said you are the perfect guy. You are for someone else but not for her .

Tell her that you agree you are the perfect guy for someone but that she is not the perfect girl for you.

And walk away, no argument needed, just facts.

Sorry to hear this. She is the problem not him. She is the one who is "messing with your head", he is not. You can not control what people feel, who they talk to or what they do. What you can do is observe all this and decide if you need an attention queen like this in your life.

He however proceeded to tell her he had feelings for her and mess her head up to the point she wasn't sure what she wanted. I wanted him blocked on everything which she agreed to. However 2 days later again I found out she had messaged him.

Is there some kind of financial benefit for her to stay with you? Do you support her financially, do you pay the mortgage or rent and she lives with you rent free? How about household expenses, do you pay all or most of those?

Is there some kind of financial benefit for her to stay with you? Do you support her financially, do you pay the mortgage or rent and she lives with you rent free? How about household expenses, do you pay all or most of those?

Good questions. Do you want to be a partner or a parent?

You can't police loyalty. She'll just keep pacifying you for whatever benefit she's getting out of the relationship while she just learns how to be sneakier about doing whatever she wants to do.