This girl whom i met in US is planning to come here for school - advice?

So i met this girl through mutual friends a bit back while she was visiting her family and we hit off pretty well - we met twice in 3 days.

We have kept in touch for the past month since she came back and she is now considering applying for school here. One of the topics when we met here was if she were to come here how she would develop. She said she wouldn't mind the man being breadwinner but she definitely want to have her own job too, and she recognizes coming here and go to school is probably "best bet" to have a good paying job. I offered to help her with some preliminary research - timelines etc. since I went through the exact process as she would when i went back to school.

I really felt we had a connection and would love to find out if she would like to go from long to short distance with visits in between BUT i don't know if asking directly is good idea especially she hasn't applied to anywhere yet. Is there a subtle way to find out from her to see her interest? Should i send her some flirting emojis and see her response? I mean if she wants to do long distance then short i am game. However, I dont want to wait ~ year then find out she's not interested but also dont want to pressure her into anything.

I just felt really good about her and i actually dont mind going there and i know she will be here in a few months to visit family again. I felt we kicked off really well compared to others locally i have talked to recently.

Yes, ask her directly albeit respectfully. Be kind and considerate with your wording whether verbal or in writing.

She told you her thoughts regarding the man being the breadwinner, still working, plans to enroll in school, etc.

Never waste your time on someone who doesn't share the same vision for your future together. Never guess nor assume.

Please do not send "flirting emojis"! That is grade school stuff.

You went on two dates? Is that correct?

I get that you're eager to find a wife, but finding out if you're compatible and more important, if she's interested in dating you, would be the first steps.

Just be an adult about it and ask directly. It needn't be a bad thing.

Just say something sweet like "I really like you and was wondering if you would like to pursue a relationship with me". Or " I had a great time with you and am hoping we can date"

It's not easy to ask, but no point in guessing and hoping.

Just be an adult about it and ask directly. It needn't be a bad thing.

 

Just say something sweet like "I really like you and was wondering if you would like to pursue a relationship with me". Or " I had a great time with you and am hoping we can date"

 

It's not easy to ask, but no point in guessing and hoping.

Yeah i feel it would be hard for her to give an answer now though since she's still planning to come here. I dont even know if she wants to "play the field" when she comes here since going back to school and being here long term can have more choices. Is there a good time to do it? Maybe after she gets into a school and i ask her if she likes to pursue something? Or that might be too late since it would be up to half year down the line for her to know. In terms of timelines I believe she is coming to US to visit in Augustish. Her birthday is october. Maybe it is not a bad time to ask her in August while i keep up the communication/support till then?

Please do not send "flirting emojis"! That is grade school stuff.

 

You went on two dates? Is that correct?

 

I get that you're eager to find a wife, but finding out if you're compatible and more important, if she's interested in dating you, would be the first steps.

Yeah we went on 2 dates. It was pretty quick because it was her last week here. We met for dinner first time then went to a festival 2 days later. At that time she mentioned it was unrealistic to say yes to anything since shes going back. But since she is considering to come here permanently, i don't know the right time to ask her if that changes anything? Before she left i did say we can build more connection by continuing our communication which we are doing now.

Why are you making another thread about one of the same women you have already talked about? Is this one woman #1 or woman #2? Is this the one who has a good career in China and will be coming for a degree she really doesn't need to see if she can find a husband? Or a different one? The story remains the same -- if she gets a student VISA it doesn't mean she can stay any longer. If she has not even applied to a school - she might not even get to come here, period. If she actually does move to the United States, then consider her one of many dating prospects until you zone in on who is the right woman for you.

Why are you making another thread about one of the same women you have already talked about? Is this one woman #1 or woman #2? Is this the one who has a good career in China and will be coming for a degree she really doesn't need to see if she can find a husband? Or a different one? The story remains the same -- if she gets a student VISA it doesn't mean she can stay any longer. If she has not even applied to a school - she might not even get to come here, period. If she actually does move to the United States, then consider her one of many dating prospects until you zone in on who is the right woman for you.

Because it is a bit different discussion - maybe hindsight i shouldve used that one? Yes she is the same one. Her parents are in US and citizens so i think she can get a green card under them so there's no visa issues(or very low chance). I understand she needs to take the exam and apply to schools but I dont know if i can wait for a while if there's uncertainty on her side. But i dont want to prematurely ask her when not much has set in stone either. If she wants to i can wait till she comes here but if she doesnt want to she could remain as prospect when she comes here but i will be aggressively looking elsewhere.

I think just the timing of asking her this is bit troublesome. It would be good in person maybe if she comes in augustish or on our weekly phone calls?

Because it is a bit different discussion - maybe hindsight i shouldve used that one? Yes she is the same one. Her parents are in US and citizens so i think she can get a green card under them so there's no visa issues(or very low chance). I understand she needs to take the exam and apply to schools but I dont know if i can wait for a while if there's uncertainty on her side. But i dont want to prematurely ask her when not much has set in stone either. If she wants to i can wait till she comes here but if she doesnt want to she could remain as prospect when she comes here but i will be aggressively looking elsewhere.

 

I think just the timing of asking her this is bit troublesome. It would be good in person maybe if she comes in augustish or on our weekly phone calls?

We have been through this conversation before. I believe it was Snny who chimed in about it and made very good points.

Her parents are not an automatic path to a green card because she is not a minor. If she were to apply for a visitors VISA, yes having parents here would be a totally legit reason to visit and she is more likely to get one but a green card she needs to come on her own merits -- and if she comes as a student - which is highly competitive, she doesn't get a regular green card

Because it is a bit different discussion - maybe hindsight i shouldve used that one? Yes she is the same one. Her parents are in US and citizens so i think she can get a green card under them so there's no visa issues(or very low chance). I understand she needs to take the exam and apply to schools but I dont know if i can wait for a while if there's uncertainty on her side. But i dont want to prematurely ask her when not much has set in stone either. If she wants to i can wait till she comes here but if she doesnt want to she could remain as prospect when she comes here but i will be aggressively looking elsewhere.

 

I think just the timing of asking her this is bit troublesome. It would be good in person maybe if she comes in augustish or on our weekly phone calls?

If she has not applied to schools yet,the likelihood she will come in august is small. Lots of people have applied all the way as early as last fall to be accepted for this august. Time is very short.

If you were set up as a matchmaker, i would be very upfront and ask if she were to come as a student, would she be doing it to get a better job or would she also be doing it to date you to see where it went. If she really is coming for school regardless thats one thing, but if she is coming to date and see where it goes, you should visit her in China and she should come on a visitors VISA just to visit.

I still think you need to meet American women!!

If you were both knowingly introduced by a matchmaker then i think you should take the bull by the horns and ask if she were coming over as a student regardless of anything or is she coming over to also potentially date you and see where it goes.

If she has not applied to schools yet,the likelihood she will come in august is small. Lots of people have applied all the way as early as last fall to be accepted for this august. Time is very short.

If you were set up as a matchmaker, i would be very upfront and ask if she were to come as a student, would she be doing it to get a better job or would she also be doing it to date you to see where it went. If she really is coming for school regardless thats one thing, but if she is coming to date and see where it goes, you should visit her in China and she should come on a visitors VISA just to visit.

 

I still think you need to meet American women!!

 

If you were both knowingly introduced by a matchmaker then i think you should take the bull by the horns and ask if she were coming over as a student regardless of anything or is she coming over to also potentially date you and see where it goes.

I think you misunderstood about her August trip. Her august trip is simply visiting family because of holidays. I and she knows that realistically next August is when she would start school. I am willing to do a long distance plus short visits if she is up for it. It is just when to ask her that question and that's why i thought maybe August. I do have someone i talk to 5 hrs away and we planned to meet during july 4th weekend but that doesn't guarantee anything either.

I agree taking the initiative and ask but just not sure best time - when she visits in august, when she got into a school, or? Getting into school is probably end of year..

I think you misunderstood about her August trip. Her august trip is simply visiting family because of holidays. I and she knows that realistically next August is when she would start school. I am willing to do a long distance plus short visits if she is up for it. It is just when to ask her that question and that's why i thought maybe August. I do have someone i talk to 5 hrs away and we planned to meet during july 4th weekend but that doesn't guarantee anything either.

 

I agree taking the initiative and ask but just not sure best time - when she visits in august, when she got into a school, or? Getting into school is probably end of year..

When she visits in August, ask her "So, If you have never been to the United States before now, what makes you interested in living here? How will you know you like it" A stranger making small talk at a coffee shop when someone says "i am thinking of moving to the area" will even say that. Don't be afraid. What's the worst that can happen??

When she visits in August, ask her "So, If you have never been to the United States before now, what makes you interested in living here? How will you know you like it" A stranger making small talk at a coffee shop when someone says "i am thinking of moving to the area" will even say that. Don't be afraid. What's the worst that can happen??

No she has been here many times already. thats how i met her through routine visit to her family.