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Thread: is this jealousy and a red flag?

  1. #11
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    'Remember, there's cute jealous and then there's Othello.'

    In my view, your girlfriend's behaviour isn't 'cute jealous' at all. If you text colleagues (whether male or female) about work related matters or even if you were talking to them about a recent movie you have seen, it shouldn't matter. Your girlfriend either trusts you or she doesn't. But giving you the third degree? Major red flag.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007

    Insecure, manipulative and controlling! Wanting to move in after a few months. Good Lord! Red flags are blaring, dude!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    It does sound like you like her and it is early on.

    You've noticed these things, she's admitted it's an issue, but I too think you should give her a chance.

    If these behaviors continue, let her know that it can't work like that.

    But no one is perfect and she might have been really hurt in the past. I'm not condoning this behavior but maybe she needs a bit more time to feel safe with you.

    As for the moving in, no, far too early and that shouldn't even be a discussion right now.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Agree. Red flags. This is a high maintenance headache that will grow and get worse. No amount of reassurances will assuage this woman's insecurities and baggage. On this trajectory, you can expect to be policed, interrogated, accused and snooped on. Your life will no longer be your own. Be grateful this stuff has shown up soon enough to escape fairly easily.

    It's only a few mos, so cut your losses. Don't give her a specific or critical reason. Use the 'It's me, not you' approach. This sounds like a key the car, boil the bunny, show up at your work place and make a scene type. Having someone like this move in would be like inviting a prison guard to commandeer your home and sanity away from you.
    Originally Posted by meat50
    She felt that she shouldn't be texting me outside of work
    she said that I barely spoke with her and ignored her.
    she said that I was looking at another woman
    she also told me that she was considering asking to move in - already!


  6. #15
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Wilds of Texas
    Nothing wrong with your instincts at all. This woman is bat shaite as they say.

    The biggest red flag is that after barely two months, she is already angling to move in with you. That alone should send you running. The rest, I can't dismiss as she is a bit insecure give her a chance, because she is also manipulative and punishing. An employee texted you, she didn't like it, made her feel insecure, so she punished you for that. That's a dangerous mentality and yeah, bunny boiler, slash your tires variety. These are more than red flags, these are flashing bright neon stop do not go further signs.

  7. #16
    Member FleurDeLys's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    As others have said, sounds like big red flags. Relationships are based on trust and if your partner can't trust you from the beggining while you've done nothing wrong, it's not likely not to get any better. She sounds pretty clingly and toxic, imo. If she's getting mad at you for having conversation with your friends at a social event, what is she's going to do next? Forbid you from seeing your friends? I'd honestly leave her before it gets too late, controlling relationships usually start with small things like these before it escalates into bigger things.

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