Boyfriend hasn't introduced me to a single friend/family member for eight months

My boyfriend is very popular and always goes to events with other couples. He tells me that his friends frequently say they want to meet me yet has never invited me out ONCE with him to meet them and resultantly it's always just me and him which frankly is awkward and boring for both of us.

I have never confronted him about this as I can almost understand why he hasn't invited me because i'm autistic and have bad social problems and I know his super-confident mates will not like me. I have a few friends they're not really coupled up so I don't really have many people to introduce him to.

We love each other a lot but i'm beginning to wonder whether this relationship is sustainable due to h

ow different we are socially. If he cant't even introduce me to his mates is this relationship destined to fail? Should I find a boyfriend who is very reserved/awkward like me?

You are a secret. How do you know that he tells people, this is only what he is saying to you? I'm sorry, but he does not love you. This has nothing to do with being popular or reserved, he simply does not want his friends/family to meet you.

Does he take you out, or are your dates in the house? How often do you see him?

You need to end this. Now! Please do not ever get into a situation where people do not include you in their life.

Is he really your boyfriend if he doesn't include you in his social life?

Don't put up with this. Tell him you want to meet his friends and be a part of his life. If he says no, then you have your answer.

Why does he say he doesn't invite you to meet anyone?

After 8 months, it's not a good sign, OP. Whatever the reasoning behind it, a relationship that is kept in the shadows cannot thrive and be healthy enough to last. You can ask him what is behind this, but if he isn't already motivated on his own to introduce you to anyone, I don't see how this can continue.

I have been with him when he's been on the phone to his friends saying he's with his girlfriend. I know he doesn't want them to meet me. I almost think he thinks they'd tell him to break up with me.

He does take me out for dinners/lunch etc. but also just stays over a lot of the time.

Yes I am inclined to agree with you sadly :( Thank you for your reply!

Yup...in my opinion if I was dating someone for that long, I'd be proud to introduce you to friends/ family. Would have done it months ago, autistic or not. I'm sure he's aware of your 'social problems' and should be willing to work around them. I agree with SarahLancaster - ask him. He should be open and honest about it. If he loves you and is embarrassed - shame on him.

Is he really your boyfriend if he doesn't include you in his social life?

 

Don't put up with this. Tell him you want to meet his friends and be a part of his life. If he says no, then you have your answer.

But I know he doesn't want me to be part of his friendship group because I know i'm a bit odd/socially awkward so its difficult. Perhaps I should confront him about it and just talk it out

Why does he say he doesn't invite you to meet anyone?

 

After 8 months, it's not a good sign, OP. Whatever the reasoning behind it, a relationship that is kept in the shadows cannot thrive and be healthy enough to last. You can ask him what is behind this, but if he isn't already motivated on his own to introduce you to anyone, I don't see how this can continue.

Yea i'm sadly inclined to agree. It won't be easy but I think I need to raise it with him

Yup...in my opinion if I was dating someone for that long, I'd be proud to introduce you to friends/ family. Would have done it months ago, autistic or not. I'm sure he's aware of your 'social problems' and should be willing to work around them. I agree with SarahLancaster - ask him. He should be open and honest about it. If he loves you and is embarrassed - shame on him.

Yes my previous boyfriends have been proud to introduce me to friends and family! Unfortunately I feel as though that is the case :(

for what it's worth, you deserve better...move on.

But I know he doesn't want me to be part of his friendship group because I know i'm a bit odd/socially awkward so its difficult. Perhaps I should confront him about it and just talk it out

I'm sorry, but there is nothing to talk out. You need to find someone who is proud to be with you and share with friends and family. This is going no where. You can't have a relationship inside one's home. I'm sorry, but you sound like a sex buddy.

You deserve much better. Do not allow people to treat you like this!

Yea i'm sadly inclined to agree. It won't be easy but I think I need to raise it with him

You can try, but I don't think he's suddenly going to be more comfortable with introducing you. Be prepared to walk away.

But I know he doesn't want me to be part of his friendship group because I know i'm a bit odd/socially awkward so its difficult. Perhaps I should confront him about it and just talk it out

If he actually cares for you, he won't care if you are "socially awkward" around his friends. I think the relationship is damaging, because it's causing you to repeatedly shame yourself.

Also, for all you know, he actually has another woman who his friends know as his girlfriend (so when he says he is with his girlfriend on the phone, they assume he is with her). I would get out of this situation and find someone who was proud to date me and show me off to friends and family.

If he actually cares for you, he won't care if you are "socially awkward" around his friends. I think the relationship is damaging, because it's causing you to repeatedly shame yourself.

This.

You said past boyfriends have shown you off, so you know how that feels, that it's possible. And what the heck is "socially awkward," really, but a lousy way of saying "unique?" Or, even better, "you?"

You should be with someone with whom all that—the thing that is you—feels cherished, not something that only "works" in a bubble. Whatever qualities any girlfriend of mine had—from being quiet and awkward to gregarious and outgoing—they'd be qualities I'd be thrilled to introduce to my friends. Because, you know, I would be super proud and lucky to have her as my girlfriend.

If he's embarrassed and ashamed to be seen with you in front of his family and friends, this is alarming.

I wouldn't want to be with a man who prefers to hide me in his closet.

He only wants to be with you based upon "conditions."

Be with a man who accepts you as you are and doesn't fear introducing you to his family and friends. That's what real, true, sincere love is. Anything else doesn't ring true IMHO.

Thanks for the advice everyone!

If you expressed that you are anxious in crowds, a caring boyfriend would introduce you one on one to a family member or friend so you don't get so overwhelmed, or choose a setting you are comfortable and at least briefly introduce the friend (ie you are at your favorite restaurant you are comfortable with and they join you for dessert). I agree with the others that you need to speak up about this because i don't think you ever have and if he won't introduce you, dump him. Wouldn't you have been at least been included in a holiday by now?