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Thread: Defining relationship after less than two months

  1. #1
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    Defining relationship after less than two months

    Hi all, I have been seeing a new guy I matched on a dating app for 1.5 months now.

    He has been nice to me and I had no doubts about his affection for me. He planned dates, picked me off work, wanted to extend dates and started calling me every night and texting good morning daily. Heís attentive and patient with me.

    After around five or six dates we got intimate. I have doubts about him as he tried repeatedly to want to have unprotected sex for his pleasure when he knows I donít like that.

    Long story short, I feel he was pretty into me howevee recently I brought up in text whether Iím his girlfriend (after he said I was his baby and only baby). He said that he didnít want to rush into another relationship (he had gotten out of a long term relationship half a year ago) but that he wonít be going after any other women.

    This, combined with his repeated requests (to have unprotected sex) make me doubt whether I was just used and if heís a player (he was when he was young).

    So my question is - is he not into me and just taking me for a ride? If heís into me why not give me the label? He knows I can easily go out and meet new guys. Is he just taking his time before committing??!

    I know month and a half is too short to know someone, but Iím asking to be a gf not wife.
    Last edited by floralprints; 06-02-2019 at 01:32 PM.

  2. #2
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    He's into you, all right. As much as he can manage.

    He doesn't want to give you the girlfriend label, because he doesn't want you to be his girlfriend. There's no mystery here. He can call you his one and only baby until his head falls off, but he's showing you through his actions that you're nothing more than a booty call.

    Moving forward means moving forward. Start seeing other guys and fade this one out.

  3. #3
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    Iím only a booty call here ?

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    I wouldn't want to continue with someone who repeatedly pushed for unprotected sex. To me, that says a lot about his character and it would be a turn-off. Whatever you do, do not give in to this. You don't know him well enough to know where he's been before or if he might expose you to something you cannot cure.

    I prefer to build relationships with men who respect my feelings and don't try to push the boundaries when I've already been clear that I am not comfortable with something. That type of entitlement and lack of consideration usually isn't limited to the bedroom, in my experience.

    Next.

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  6. #5
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    My take, as a guy, is that this is doomed.

    I'm not saying he doesn't care about you...but he's made it clear about 2 things:

    1 - You caved on the unprotected sex issue. That's kinda a red flag about his character, and yours to be honest. He knows he can have his way. I.E. you're not someone he respects. I.E. he will get bored with you.

    2 - He TOLD you he's not ready for that next step. It could be because he's still healing, or because he's not into you enough. Either way - listen to this.

    I think if you just make him less of a priority, he'll regain his interest in you, and maybe go the GF route. It's game playing, but it kinda works. It sounds like he likes you enough...but isn't ready to commit. Just be less available...make dates with other guys....don't invest fully in him. I know it sucks when you really like someone, but you have to protect yourself, and you also have to show him that you're WORTH him making his mind up. He has to know you'll walk.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    The unprotected sex requests don't make him a player but they do indicate that he is selfish, irresponsible and doesn't respect your boundaries so it is a yellow flag. As for whether he is into you or not, he told you that you two are exclusive so I would not necessarily rule out that he likes you. If you feel used, then stop giving whatever benefits you feel uncomfortable giving out. If you feel that you need the girlfriend label when it comes to certain benefits then explain that to him. And do it in person. Communicating such serious issues through texts is immature and a recipe for misunderstandings. Share your thoughts and wishes with him in person and see what happens.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Sorry to say this, but you tried to have the relationship talk and he said he is not interested in you being his girlfriend. Believe him. Words are cheap and he is enjoying the ride but doesn't want to commit. I doubt that will change. I personally hate this era of "casual" relationships and understand your frustration. He wants you to make excuses for him and invest, despite him not giving you what you want.

    Draw the hard line. Let him know that you'd love to keep seeing him and have been having a great time, but that what you are looking for is a serious relationship. If he can't be that guy, it's time for you to bounce.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    The unprotected sex thing is a red flag to me. I don't think he's that into you in terms of relationship potential (or he wouldn't have ruined his chances of a future relationship with you by saying he doesn't want it outright), but at the same time I don't think these conversations should be had by text. The fact that he wants a casual relationship doesn't mean that he only wants you for sex or only using you for sex though. Believe me, I want to find a life partner and all I've been coming across is this "casual vibe" guys. They like your company, think you're great, plan dates, text, it's not just "sex and bye" and all that, but never want to take the next step to commit or get all nervous and scared if you have a conversation with him about the status of the relationship.

    I think that after 2 or 3 months of consistent dating a guy that is interested in a relationship won't be scared of such conversation. I never understood the panic, the "it's too soon" 3 months down the line when people date consistently. It'd be another story with sporadic dating, not having meaningful conversations or in the first weeks of dating (that's too much too soon).

    But now that you know where he stands the ball is on your court. If you can live with a casual relationship that's all fine, but if you want something more serious, I wouldn't expect it from this guy.

  10. #9
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    I asked after only 1.5 months and not 2 or 3 months though.

    Would your view be any different?

  11. #10
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    I think 1.5 months is PLENTY of time to date before having "The talk."

    Honestly...once you start having sex with someone on a regular basis exclusively, you're basically bf/gf...even if you don't have the talk.

    When you like someone, you like them and want to be with them only. If you want to date and have options with others...then you're just looking for someone better.

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