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Thread: Defining relationship after less than two months

  1. #21
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by floralprints
    And it’s true I always gets mad for trivial unreasonable things and in order to get him to care and show affection for me
    Whoa.

    Well, now we get into chicken vs. egg territory. You've known this guy for six weeks, which is to say not very long. And already there is a history of you getting mad for things you yourself consider unreasonable in order to test his affection? That kind of contradicts your first post here, when you said you had "no doubts" about his affection.

    If I was dating someone who showed those testing tendencies that quickly, and I have, I'll be completely honest and say that I'd be very wary of making her my girlfriend. Doesn't set a good precedent for how things will go in a partnership. I don't reach for the gf/bf label to sate insecurities, but to celebrate a connection. The one time in my life I made the mistake of not following those rules was a "gf/bf" union that lasted another few days before the bandaid slipped off.

    If you doubt someone's feelings for you, you are free to (a) walk away to find someone who is a better fit; (b) continue to observe things; or (c) have a mature talk about things, while accepting that, early on, it is completely acceptable for someone to feel...whatever it is they feel about you. Those are all much more effective ways of dealing with that—and actually becoming close with someone—than lashing out at someone and hoping they'll show "feelings."

    A lot has been made about his desire to not use a condom. I'd keep your analysis to that pretty simple, meaning: he wanted to have sex without a condom and was okay with taking that risk. Doesn't have anything to do with feelings—just his boundaries, something he's cool with. Not your thing—cool, understandable. But I think you're stuck in a little loop where you're trying to turn unprotected sex into meaning something in his head and heart that it simply does not.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Most guys will quickly tire of attention queens. Learn to be more confident and get to know each other through dating. Do not demand attention like a child.
    Originally Posted by floralprints
    He told me it’s because I always gets mad at him that he wanted to not rush and see And it’s true I always gets mad for trivial unreasonable things and in order to get him to care and show affection for me

  3. #23
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    Where did you get this weird idea of "testing"?

  4. #24
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    He told you that he doesn't want a relationship with you.
    - it sounds like he's still hurt from the previous relationship, on the rebound - and not ready to love another yet.

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