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Thread: Any advice

  1. #11
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    I agree w itsallgrand, this is very toxic relationship (and clearly a dangerous one as well) and it's best it ends, sooner rather than later.

    And moving forward OP, make sure you carry your phone and enough cash or credit card to make it home safely, at all times. That's on you.

    But still, if the bf were posting, I might advise that no matter what went down between you that night, make sure you both make it home safely and then discuss, yell, scream, whatever your dynamic is, in the safety of your home.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    @ j.man, I am a bit confused by your post, perhaps you can clarify.

    You start off by saying obviously no man should err on the side of leaving a woman (in this case a woman he claims to love) alone in a public place (that she's not familiar with, at midnight no less).

    Fabulous, I agree!

    But then you go on to suggest that her behaviour may have given justification to him doing so. And until you know what happened, no one is the bad guy.

    Those two comments contradict, and since I value your opinion, if you could clarify, would appreciate it. It's possible I misinterpreted.

    My opinion is it doesn't matter one iota what she did, a stand-up man doesn't leave the woman he loves in a dangerous situation like that, and it was very fortunate she made it home safely.

    Same as there is nothing that would justify a man physically striking a woman, and I would feel the same if roles were reversed too. No woman should ever strike a man either, unless in self-defense.

    This wasn't akin to that -- a physically abusive incident, but equally as dangerous imo nonetheless.

    And to add insult to injury, he chose to leave her sitting in the cab, versus walking downstairs (or out the door assuming they live together as OP stated) and paying the driver the extra money for the cab ride.

    I acknowledge, there are always two sides to every story, but my goodness, in this case, I'm not sure how anyone could not deem this "bad" behavior under those circumstances, regardless of what she did (if anything) but willing to admit I may have misinterpreted your post.
    Insofar as someone might want to argue a man has that responsibility and that a woman should be entitled to it, so then does such a woman to follow their lead in lieu of having secured her own safe way home and to not treat it as a license to act as much a fool as you'd like. Guys aren't responsible to be unquestioning bodyguards. It's one thing if he's shoving her into the crowd to make his escape or apparently throwing down his ninja smoke bomb the moment she wouldn't take his hand. It's another if she wants to pitch a fit at the crosswalk and leave him beholden to her safety in exchange for the privilege of being a party to her public fit. If someone you for some reason depend on as your safety is going home, you go home with him. If you're confident in carrying on and getting home on your own fine without him, then don't. At the end of the day, OP's a grown woman, not a kid who'd just been ditched in the bread aisle.

    The whole babysitting a publicly dramatic woman trope is as tired as it is infantilizing. At some point, I think a guy is well within his rights to say he's going, and she's either deciding to come with or she isn't. At the end of the day, I think it runs an exponentially higher risk of simply not enabling crappy behavior than it does getting anyone physically harmed. But again, whether this guy would meet the criteria for what I'd consider having reached "some point" is a matter of detail. That's all I'm saying.

    Basically, yeah, all conduct considered relatively decent, it's a good idea for dudes to take for women, particularly in a massively social setting. If a woman wants to be a nuisance for it all, she should make sure she's got the full $20 cash on hand for a cab.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980

    You start off by saying obviously no man should err on the side of leaving a woman (in this case a woman he claims to love) alone in a public place (that she's not familiar with, at midnight no less).
    Correction: Any man

  4. #14
    Silver Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Whether man or woman, a person shouldn't leave anyone alone at night regardless of whether or not there was an argument. It's called doing the right thing despite the fight. He should've done the right thing by ensuring your safety. It has nothing to do with chivalry. It's about one's conscience and not leaving a person alone to fend for themselves while knowing there is risk of danger. How he can sleep at night is beyond comprehension.

    The true test of to any relationship is when it goes awry and how does one behave? Will they still care about you or allow their emotions to get the best of them while they storm off in a huff? People can still fight and argue. However, there needs to be safety priority so the fight and the remainder of the night can still be safe for both parties.

    I don't think you're overreacting. You saw how he can be when life isn't smooth as silk. Sure, everyone is sweet while life is rosy. However, when there are challenges in the relationship, this is when one's true character is under a microscope.

    Or, since he apologized, hopefully he was sincere and he'll behave better in the future. However, what's alarming is that he thinks it's minor which would bother me. Both of you are incompatible and not thinking on the same wave length. I say walk away. You can choose better.

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  6. #15

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    @jman he was in a bad mood because we couldnít get a cab at that time and he tried to grab my hand to walk into a road and I pulled it back because he was being a idiot. There was no abuse or arguing on any side, and Iím certainly not like that to cause a big scene in public. We didnít argue until after all this has happened.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Trust your instincts. He's bad news. Cut him out of your life for good this time.
    Originally Posted by Kayls21
    he stormed of leaving me in crowds of people in a place I wasnt familiar with at 12am I was lost walking round in circles I managed to get a taxi home. I was short of taxi fair so asked him could he come and pay the rest for me he refused and the taxi driver wouldnít let me out the cab. I right in thinking that I deserve better than this and should walk away...

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