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Thread: Is it worth giving him a chance, or is he a player?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Jellybean9
    It could be a combination of all of that.

    I'm in my late 20s now and met with some old school friends a couple weeks back. Guess what we did we checked out social of all our old crushes. Remember thinking in school I would give anything to of dated my crush. I've had a look at him now and thank the Lord I didn't. Honestly complete and utter useless men now from what their social media says.

    So I can see why you would get fixated you got to get with your crush. That's something many girls your age dream about and long for. Like I said I did back then. Your views on him will change when you are older. Trust me.

    Some people don't feel a connection for the person they lose their virginity with. But where he was your crush for so long would only be normal to have those feelings which may even be amplified as he is your crush.

    My first bf I found it hard to walk away from as I had all thoughts. Will I meet anyone like him with my sense of humour and fears of intimacy with someone new.

    Guess what... So many people share my bizzare sense of humour. Doesn't mean they are the one. Also dating someone new is exciting. You are still young and you'll have all that.

    I agree with you! No one is too busy to text someone they are interested in.
    Thank you so much! I agree with everything you said :) I appreciate your time.

    Originally Posted by Cope
    You caught feelings and that's perfectly normal. Now please don't do what I always did and play it cool. Decide what YOU want from this, considering what you feel and what He's showed you as to his feelings, and SPEAK UP.

    You have control on this. You have the right to express your feelings and needs. All the questions you asked can only be answered by the two of of you.

    I've been down the path of playing it cool and not asking just to get heartbroken every single time. Don't do the same. Own your needs and express them, if he wants the same, cool, if not, cool again. Be yourself, when you want to text him, text him. When you want to reply, reply. You seem smart and reasonable, own that.
    So you mean I shouldn't pretend to be cool with things and just be up front, right? It's true, I have played it cool and acted like I'm fine with everything and am chill, but really my feelings exist for him and this does suck. I'll try out texting however I want to and not feel like I have to be or act a certain way just to be "cool" with everything!

    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    It really depends on what you can handle or can't handle. I'm responding to your questions in the second part of post #6. You should be the one to decide whether or not you can handle daily texting and when is an appropriate time to tell him how you feel (whether doing it long distance or in person is better).

    I don't think anyone can tell you how to time this or when is the most appropriate for you. Generally, it is a good idea to be honest about the way you feel and not waste your time or energy over relationships or connections that are one-sided or not reciprocated/unrequited. It would be a waste of time and counterproductive. Be a bit more confident in yourself and worry less over losing the wrong person. Don't be afraid of letting go and finding new connections and moving forwards.
    Thank you, very helpful, and also reminds me this person isn't the only human I can possibly get on with :)

    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    I know this is probably not really want to hear, but from my experience of FWB, not every person treats their FWB as a "wham, bam, thank you m'am". I've had guys who wanted to make it very clear that it's only sex and nothing else by just coming over, having sex, then leaving. But I've also had some guys who actually wanted to have the "friend" aspect of friends with benefits and actually talk, hang out and even do some sort of couple things like go to the movies and have dinner. I had an FWB for 2.5 years where we hung out and actually did stuff and also he actually is my real friend. I'm still friends with him now but we are both in a relationship with someone else.

    I think that when people want seeing someone to progress to a relationship, they would make that happen. How long have you been seeing each other? If you've been seeing each other for a while and he hasn't said it's a relationship and called you his girlfriend and stuff like that then I'm not sure if he's actually looking for that with you. But on the other hand if you've only been seeing each other a few weeks or something then he might just be taking it slow and just seeing where it goes and stuff. Some people don't like to put a label on things too quickly in case it doesn't work out.

    I agree that you should probably tell him you have feelings for him. And if he doesn't feel the same you might want to consider ending the FWB. I've been in your shoes before where the person didn't reciprocate my feelings but I was getting more and more attached. And when they found someone else I was incredibly heartbroken. At the start you tell yourself you're fine to keep it casual but the next thing you know, you're madly in love. So just be careful.
    You said it. That's pretty much my situation! And so far, him and I have hung out exactly 8 times, for about 4-10 hours each time. But, it's still too soon to be his girlfriend/expect that of him, right? But yeah, I can't continue on this FWB for very long when he's back if he doesn't also feel similarly, because it will just end up breaking my heart. "At the start you tell yourself you're fine to keep it casual but the next thing you know, you're madly in love" - well said, I am heading down that road way too fast and have to hit the brakes or be honest with him when he's back.

  2. #12
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    Do you mean Joel not Jim?

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Do you mean Joel not Jim?
    ďJoelĒ from my other question, right? If so, yes. I searched ďenotaloneĒ in my cellís inbox, and saw it on two different emails. Didnít even remember this old account. Got curious, logged on, and my regular account became automatically banned (didnít know this wasnít allowed or I wouldnít have done that, but itís fine), so here I am. Ah well. But know that I really appreciate what you (and everyone else) said. It helped wake me up. I canít be excited about people who donít excite me, and have to accept that itís my insecurity, rather than interest, that has kept me around those kinds of people. So, I decided to go with this person, someone whoís truly made me laugh so much. Iím obviously still insecure about my choices, hence my question, but I hope I can figure it out.

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