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Thread: Female friend

  1. #1
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    Female friend

    I hope I won't be crucified on here. I do however would like to know your views on this...
    My partner has a very close female friend who had no idea about me until a few days ago. I heard her name mentioned before here and there but that was it.
    She now wanted to meet my boyfriend for a dinner on Saturday.
    I never asked any questions about her or their friendship. He only said they met at work 24 years ago and were friends ever since.
    I feel like Saturday night sounds more like a date than catching up with friend.
    It feels bit strange....I have male friends but when any of us have someone we will talk over the phone, that's it.
    I am concerned she may wants to be more than a friend.

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Going to dinner on Saturday night IS a date. Why aren't you invited?

  3. #3
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    She wanted to catch up with him. He does not even know well her partner and when I asked how come he said " I am friend with her ,not her partner" which indicates he won't be rushing to introduce me anytime soon.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    The good guys introduce you to their lady friends. Or at the least, they don't go on what looks like a date with them.

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  6. #5
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    It could be just what he says it is. I have a female friend and we'll go for drinks once in a while just the two of us and it's just a catch up - it's far from a date. But my wife knows her really well now and knows our history and they also catch up together now and again. Without that part, I can definitely understand it being something you would be uncomfortable with and it seems like that should come first - that you should be there as a couple and get to know her and where she fits in your partner's life.

    But then I think, what if I asked to meet a friend to catch up and they turned up with their partner? I'd probably rather want to catch up with my friend alone. I can understand them wanting to meet, just the two of them. It doesn't mean there is anything going on. It doesn't mean there is anything you should be worried about. But I get it that it can feel uncomfortable. Can you suggest you also meet and get to know her? If you're his partner and she is his friend, you have something in common right there.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Before becoming exclusive with someone, it's important to discuss relationship boundaries. If they don't match, it's best to end things. Since you're not comfortable with this, speak up and tell him your boundaries now. If he starts spewing negativity like you don't trust him and you're being ridiculous, dump him. People who have close friends will want to introduce their partner to them. You're seeing the red flag that she had no idea you existed until now. Wouldn't you tell a "very close friend" that you have a boyfriend? When things don't add up, there's a reason. How long have you two dated?

  8. #7
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    Thank you for your responses.
    I don't know why he didn't mention me earlier. I didn't ask. It does makes me wonder why not. Maybe because we take our time. About month ago I met his male friends and their partners. A few weeks ago I met his sister. Recently he mentioned his adults kids that they could meet me.
    Maybe the female friend didn't see him for a while and wanted to catch up but suggesting Saturday dinner is almost a test for me as how will I handle it.
    We are together for about 7 months. I don't think they met during our relationship but I heard her name etc. I knew she was there somewhere.
    I wonder if feelings between can sparkle now...if they maybe waited for the right time....or of they are friends with benefits. Will I ever know ?
    If I will say something, he will just conceal it all and will sneak around.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    If you can't be open with your partner, the foundation of your relationship is sitting on sand instead of solid concrete. What would I say? I'd ask: Have you two ever been in a romantic relationship. Have either of you had a crush on one another? If I asked that of my man and he said yes, I'd tell him, "I don't believe in staying in contact with exes and being friends with someone who has a crush on me, because to me, it's bad for my primary relationship. If you feel differently, this relationship doesn't work for me."

    I'd also say: I'm not comfortable with you spending time with a female friend unless I've met her.

    Don't stuff your reservations about someone's actions just so you won't lose a guy. Your feelings matter. Don't be a doormat to things that aren't settling right with you.

    If he doesn't take your reasonable concerns to heart, he's self centered and will operate exactly as he wishes, regardless of your feelings.

    If you join the two, you will see if she's a champion to your relationship, happy that her "buddy" has found a great girlfriend. If you see other than that, you have some decisions to make. That's the point of dating. To see who matches you in all the major ways, and if they don't, move on. Life's too short to settle.

  10. #9
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    You've been extremely insecure throughout this entire relationship. In fact, on 5/3/19 you reported that he broke up with you. So I CAN understand feeling insecure. But if you do, why continue? Other than the old "but I LOVE him!!!!" excuse, of course.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by irka000
    I wonder if feelings between can sparkle now...if they maybe waited for the right time....
    I think having those fleeting thoughts is normal sometimes. But I feel if my man could be that easily influenced, then he was really never mine to begin with.

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