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My sister’s bf is getting on my nerves. Should I have a talk with mom?


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My sister (25) has a bf who is really getting on my nerves. I live with my parents still and so does my sister and her bf comes over everyday. I feel like he is invading our personal space but my mom likes him cause he likes to suck up to her. He always finds a way to come inside the house everyday and it’s just starting to get annoying cause there’s not a single day where he doesn’t come over. He also recently started picking her up in the morning cause they work close to each other. What I hate about my sister is that she treats my mom like crap but when her bf is over, she’s the “nicest” human being there is.

 

What my mom doesn’t know is that he sleeps over late at night but he waits until she leaves to work. During these late nights, I sleep downstairs but I always hear thumping from my sister’s room which I’m sure they are having sex and our dogs just keep barking. I literally just woke up while asleep after i started hearing all these thumping noises and dogs barking

 

This is kiddish but should I tell my mom that this guy comes over every time she leaves for work at night?

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All this would melt away when you get your own place and start dating again. Start right now looking for affordable house shares, roommates, apts, rooms, etc. Also start working more hours or a part time job. This would get you some money and time out of the house. It sounds like you resent that your sister has a someone in her life (and a life) but you don't.

 

The way to resolve that is not by tattling to your mother about her but getting out more, getting involved in your job, classes, courses, clubs, groups, sports and getting on some dating apps. If you feel this much inertia and resentment, maybe it's time to see a doctor to rule out some medical or biochemical issues and get treatment and a referral to a therapist. Tattling and envy/resentment are't solutions.

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Honestly, i would fling open the sister's door in the middle of the night or before mom leaves for work and i would very loudly say "oh, i didn't realize our parents allowed you to have sex in the house" so everyone could hear and "out" them so everyone can hear. I get what people say about moving out

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This may be why it bothers you so much:

" Like all I do is work and on weekends I never have plans other than gym, then after that I just stay in bed all day and look forward to dinner where I would usually cook a meal or order take out."

 

Sometimes even when we "don't feel like" going out and doing something we need to force ourselves. Otherwise you end up sinking further and further into a rut that can end up seeming impossible to dig yourself out of.

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This was from early May:

 

"Very annoyed with my mom

I’m very annoyed with my mom. It seems like she depends on me for everything. I’m 30 years old and work for my stuff and the thing that sucks is I still live at home with her and my siblings but my siblings always go out with friends or go to work and school.

 

I work a full time job but I want to go back to school to get a degree and get a paying better job since my trade is average in pay and I want to move out and at least rent an apartment so I can have my freedom. I’m paying her about 700 dollars a month in rent. Studios and one bedroom apartments in my area are $1600-$1700

 

I don’t mind helping my mom out but she asks for too much and if I don’t do it I feel like a bad son.

 

Things she would ask me:

 

Bring her to places even though the place is only 5 minutes away from the house and she even expects this on my Days off but I refuse cause I want my own time

 

Get her gas

 

Take out the trash etc.

 

Pack her meal for work and walk her to her car at night since she’s scared some stranger will come up to her

 

Today she wanted me to accompany her to bring her car to the mechanic and get a car rental after. I just felt awkward cause everyone at the rental place were all married couples with kids and here I am the 30 year old with his mom. How do I deal with this guys? I feel embarrassed whenever I’m with her alone. She still has my dad but he works 7 days a week."

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If you are essentially man of the house, then take on the role. tell your sister that you know that her boyfriend is spending the night - you hear them having sex and its disrespectful to your mother. Don't get mom involved, speak sibling to sibling. And if she knows that someone knows she might stop.

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Speak to your sister and forewarn her that if she and her boyfriend refuse to find a motel or hotel to have sex, then you will reveal this to your mother. It is not tattling if you give your sister fair warning first. I think it's unfair to your mother for your sister and her boyfriend to wait until she marches off to work to have sex in HER house. Your mother's house, your mother's rules. It is only fair. You pay $700., you contribute toward rent, so you have every right to have no sex noise and barking dogs while you're trying to sleep. I would definitely speak up as opposed to stewing in silence. Since all of you live together, the atmosphere should be at least peaceful and respectful toward one another.

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If your sister was 16 I would understand the concern, but she’s not she’s a grown woman and is doing something that is totally natural. Your mother must be a prude like you, if she thinks your sister and BF are not making love in her bedroom as two healthy adults would. I have sex in my parents house when I visit on holidays. They are in their 70’s and make jokes about it the next morning, with some humorous sexual innuendo.

 

I’m a parent of a 18 year old son and a 20 year old daughter. Both are in committed relationships and as a responsible parent who doesn’t live in the 1950’s, I installed locks on their bedroom doors for privacy and talked to them about birth control. The last thing I want them doing is having sex in a seedy motel or the back of a car.

 

Until your mum says no sex is to happen in my house (highly unlikely), respect your sisters privacy as an adult..... this is the problem. Your mum has 2 adult children in her house and one should have moved out years ago.

 

This is an issue with you, not your sister or her BF..... you’re frustrated and get annoyed, you’re living with mum at 30!!!, by your own admission have no social life and are watching your sister enjoying a healthy sex life that you probably want.... I had 3 kids of my own, started my own engineering business and had bought a house by your age. You’re failing to launch and projecting this frustration on others.

 

I’m now divorced at 43 and despite achieving a lot in life, I have regrets and one is not experiencing different (sexual) relationships in my 20’s.... ohh!!! what I’d give to be your age and single.

 

Forget what others are doing, don’t be jealous of your sisters love life and live a happy life full of great experiences. You’re bitter at the moment, but that with change to regret when you hit 40 and realised you didn’t make the most of your youth.

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Thanks for all the replies guys. I decided to just keep this to myself and not let it get to me. I’m just going to keep working harder and save up more to move out soon. Going to use this as motivation to get out of the nest. I’m sure I’ll be a lot happier

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This may be why it bothers you so much:

" Like all I do is work and on weekends I never have plans other than gym, then after that I just stay in bed all day and look forward to dinner where I would usually cook a meal or order take out."

 

Sometimes even when we "don't feel like" going out and doing something we need to force ourselves. Otherwise you end up sinking further and further into a rut that can end up seeming impossible to dig yourself out of.

 

I try my best to. Like stuff just gets old fast. On my days off I just go out with a friend to eat, gym. Everyone else is just occupied with their significant others and kids now at my age

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Thanks for all the replies guys. I decided to just keep this to myself and not let it get to me. I’m just going to keep working harder and save up more to move out soon. Going to use this as motivation to get out of the nest. I’m sure I’ll be a lot happier

 

Yeah, you will feel so much happier out on your own !!

 

I totally get why having to hear your sister sneaking around like a teenager and having sex above you would get on your nerves. What a way to a slow insanity!

 

It's just time for you to have something that you built as your own!

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I try my best to. Like stuff just gets old fast. On my days off I just go out with a friend to eat, gym. Everyone else is just occupied with their significant others and kids now at my age

 

Clearly it's not "everyone" if there are profiles of every age on dating sites. There are other 30 year olds out there who don't have kids or significant others. I'll bet there are even quite a few of them who still live with their parents, and are sad about not getting out more and doing more fun things.

 

(Of course, it's also possible to hang out and have a good time with people who have both significant others and kids)

 

You are lonely and bitter, so get completely fixated on couples and people having sex. That your sister is one of those people feels even worse. This kind of obsession has a way of closing you off to any opportunities that may be out there. Try to have a more open mind and start looking for what you could do rather than what you can't.

 

And yeah, moving out would be a great first step.

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Clearly it's not "everyone" if there are profiles of every age on dating sites. There are other 30 year olds out there who don't have kids or significant others. I'll bet there are even quite a few of them who still live with their parents, and are sad about not getting out more and doing more fun things.

 

(Of course, it's also possible to hang out and have a good time with people who have both significant others and kids)

 

You are lonely and bitter, so get completely fixated on couples and people having sex. That your sister is one of those people feels even worse. This kind of obsession has a way of closing you off to any opportunities that may be out there. Try to have a more open mind and start looking for what you could do rather than what you can't.

 

And yeah, moving out would be a great first step.

 

Well said. Any other advices?

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Facebook usually has events, also check the local papers. You can go beyond an app though. For instance I used to play cello in high school and joined a community orchestra last year. Look for things that provide you a reason to keep going out and interacting with people. Music or dance are good for that, volunteering, biking club, I don't know what you are into but you can find these things on more than just meetup.

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