Didnt Know She Was Pregnant Before We Met

[Bulldogge]

So I had this girl who has had a crush on me for years I finally got with. First time I was intending to date her before we went on a date she found out she was pregnant by her ex so we stopped talking after that. Fast forward a year later we start talking again mid March and we go on a date on a couple dates and first have sex on the 20th. She tells me she hadnt had sex since November with the childs father after I said I hadnt since December. When we met it was the best chemistry I've ever had with someone and she had me catching feelings after telling me how its nice to feel wanted and talked about future plans and all that. A couple problems started when she unexpectedly would ghost me after a couple weeks on and off saying she didnt know what she wanted then would want to come back and have sex. At about week 3 she tries to get birth control. This would normally only be for a day or 2 and she would contact me after I'd go no contact apologizing.

At about 5 weeks into the relationship she did this but didnt contact me first until I wrote her a letter after about 2 weeks of no contact. She responded and started vaguely taking interest into talking to me until the following Monday she calls me saying shes pregnant with my kid and that the reason her birth control was rejected was because she was already pregnant. At first I'm thinking man I dont want a kid at my age (were both 22) and I didnt think she did it on purpose either with the not being sure how she felt stuff and I really liked her a lot so after a couple days I got used to the idea of her being my family. That first week after we found out she was super girlfriend, great intimacy and we talked about baby names, gender reveal party and all of that. I would buy her stuff to help with morning sickness and take her out to eat what she craved. When she said the first kids dad wasnt helping I went and bought her son formula because I saw him a lot and grew attached to him and figured I'd raise him like a son because he'd be my kids older brother. Then when I was supposed to stay the night and meet her mom the first time at about week 7 of our relationship she looked me up and saw I got in trouble as a teenager and even though Im in college and am not in trouble as an adult automatically didnt like me. This whole time by the way she kept me a total secret from her ex as well. After an argument about her not trying to talk to her mom to change her mind I brought up how they didnt like her ex either and she got real defensive about him. Week 8 I decided to message him and tell him the truth about her being pregnant. Apparently she lied about when the ultrasound to find out how far along she was and it turns out she last had sex with him and still lived with him a week before we started seeing each other and she was too far along for it to be mine. She tells me this after screaming how I have no right to talk to the father of her kid ect.

Guy calls me and we both ask each other the truth as she was lying to us the whole time about each other and he confirms they last had sex a week before me and her had sex. From here, break up and move on right? Well thats what I've done so far but after a week no contact I still feel devastated at the potential relationship we could of had and the idea of us having our kid being stripped away hurts very much. But honestly after time has passed I'm not super mad she lied about when they broke up cause she was just trying to not sound like she was easy and I think she truly wanted it to be mine because they are still not together and she really didnt like him. She did tell me I was a know it all and how that gets on her nerves but I feel like I just never got to know the real her.

She was 14 weeks when we broke up and she started dating me right after moving back in with her mom so I only knew rebound and pregnant hormone her. Even though I dont want to be a couple right now I feel like she could be my match later down the road when shes not pregnant or fresh out of a relationship. But after telling the dude the truth about me and her she got mad and blocked me on everything but my phone number. At this point I just dont want to pretend like we didnt exist because I do have love for her and her son and I want to be on good terms and have an open door to at least be lovers again in the future because I know she isnt getting back with him. The day before we got in the argument about her mom she first told me she loved me, keep having that memory.

Any advice as to what I'd say to her that would get her to at least unblock me on social media and not think of me negatively? I can't get her out of my mind, I even slept with someone else a couple days after breaking up telling myself I'm going to just move on but it didnt help at all. Even if were not meant to be together I at least want to be friends or something. I'm thinking of texting her and saying I dont hate her and how I still want to be friends after about 2 weeks of no contact. I just miss her so much. I feel like if she wasnt pregnant and a rebound from her kids dad we could have worked and I keep beating myself up because I didnt ask her out before she met him as she liked me for about 4 years. Also should bring up how after she told me the kid wasnt mine I did lash out bad mouthing her and her mom for getting sued and her getting her car repod before I met her in response to her moms opinion of me and that was the last time we spoke.

[abitbroken]

1) Use a condom. Don't trust a woman who says "i am taking the pill on time" Do it for your own safety
2) Do not get involved with pregnant woman. Do not get in the way of the child's father
3) have a DNA test done on the child if she accuses you of it being yours
4) if a woman is not right for you now, she won't be right for you down the road. This woman does not care about her kids because she is sleeping around and purposefully getting pregnant.
5) STAY FAR AWAY. Count your blessings that the kid is not yours. let the man she just had sex with and is the kids father have her

[Clio]

You wrote that you are only 22 and still in college. You ARE too young to become a father. Use condoms and get checked for STDs. No condom = STDs. As for that girl, she kept lying back and forth and she kept dropping you at the blink of an eye. Why would you ever even want to be friends with a liar and a user, let alone being tied with them through a kid? Don't you want the best for your future kids? How is a liar a good partner and parent? When people show you who they are, you should believe them. If you want to waste your life on a liar who is capable of dropping you at the blink of an eye, keep going.

[Gary Snyder]

You need somebody with integrity to have a good relationship - she's not it.

In time you will get over her.

[boltnrun]

I have to wonder how it is that a woman can treat a man this horribly, be this much of a hot mess, and the man is trying to figure out a way to be with her.

Why do you want to tie yourself to such a hot mess? Besides, of course, "but I LOVE her!!!"

[Bulldogge]

I have to wonder how it is that a woman can treat a man this horribly, be this much of a hot mess, and the man is trying to figure out a way to be with her.

Why do you want to tie yourself to such a hot mess? Besides, of course, "but I LOVE her!!!"

I never said I want to be tied down to her. I'd just like to keep contact with her. The closest thing to being romantically involved I want would be to have sex again later down the road but at this point I just want to be able to have her see whats going on in my life. I've been seeing other women but they dont make me stop missing her at all. Yes I'm still in college I have another year left for my STEM degree and I run a pretty successful business in my field already and am finishing my degree so I can always fall back on a good job, I could of afforded a family money is not an issue for me but thats not the point. I dont plan on making her my girlfriend again. I just want to be on good terms and her to see what I have going on in life and be able to talk to her once in a while. I repeat I do not want to be with her. I have other exes I'm still friends with and it brings me a lot of comfort as they're someone who knows me in that way and can talk with me about relationship problems. I have had only 1 ex completely block me on everything that wanted nothing to do with me.

[Bulldogge]

1) Use a condom. Don't trust a woman who says "i am taking the pill on time" Do it for your own safety
2) Do not get involved with pregnant woman. Do not get in the way of the child's father
3) have a DNA test done on the child if she accuses you of it being yours
4) if a woman is not right for you now, she won't be right for you down the road. This woman does not care about her kids because she is sleeping around and purposefully getting pregnant.
5) STAY FAR AWAY. Count your blessings that the kid is not yours. let the man she just had sex with and is the kids father have her

I know its not my kid and I dont intend on being in a relationship with her. She isnt trying to claim it is. She didnt say she was on the pill. I've used pull and pray with many women a couple not on birth control multiple times and never got them pregnant and it looks like I wasnt the one who got this one pregnant either. They are still broke up and she got pregnant like a week before she moved out of his house and didnt know she was pregnant when we were dating.

As for her lying about when she last saw him (he confirmed he didnt have sex with her since before I started dating her) I think its cause she liked me for so long and didnt want me to think I'm a rebound relationship even though the truth is I was.

As for STDs I've never had one and pretty confident I still dont have one. I dont like the feeling of condoms so thats my risk I'm willing to take whatever your opinion of that is. Pull and pray has worked for 8 years for me. Yeah I had this scare but its really not my kid shes too far along, she got pregnant BEFORE me and didnt know until she tried getting the bar.

[abitbroken]

I know its not my kid and I dont intend on being in a relationship with her. She isnt trying to claim it is. She didnt say she was on the pill. I've used pull and pray with many women a couple not on birth control multiple times and never got them pregnant and it looks like I wasnt the one who got this one pregnant either. They are still broke up and she got pregnant like a week before she moved out of his house and didnt know she was pregnant when we were dating.

As for her lying about when she last saw him (he confirmed he didnt have sex with her since before I started dating her) I think its cause she liked me for so long and didnt want me to think I'm a rebound relationship even though the truth is I was.

As for STDs I've never had one and pretty confident I still dont have one. I dont like the feeling of condoms so thats my risk I'm willing to take whatever your opinion of that is. Pull and pray has worked for 8 years for me. Yeah I had this scare but its really not my kid shes too far along, she got pregnant BEFORE me and didnt know until she tried getting the bar.

There are many STDs you can have that you don't "feel like you have one". Some are in your body and you don't have symptoms for a long time, but they are wrecking havoc on your immune system. STOP STOP with the "pull and pray" method. if you don't like condoms, a) stop having sex until you meet a woman you want to marry b) try non latex c) get a vasectomy. you are gambling, here, with your life. d) get a vasectomy e) KEEP YOUR PANTS ZIPPED

And stay away from pregnant women!! If the baby wasn't even born yet, not enough time has passed for her to have been out of a relationship and not be on a rebound and once the baby is born she is likely to reconcile with the father or should try if he is a good man and no doubt will be communicating with him about the child. find a woman who is not so entangled!

[Bulldogge]

There are many STDs you can have that you don't "feel like you have one". Some are in your body and you don't have symptoms for a long time, but they are wrecking havoc on your immune system. STOP STOP with the "pull and pray" method. if you don't like condoms, a) stop having sex until you meet a woman you want to marry b) try non latex c) get a vasectomy. you are gambling, here, with your life. d) get a vasectomy e) KEEP YOUR PANTS ZIPPED

And stay away from pregnant women!! If the baby wasn't even born yet, not enough time has passed for her to have been out of a relationship and not be on a rebound and once the baby is born she is likely to reconcile with the father or should try if he is a good man and no doubt will be communicating with him about the child. find a woman who is not so entangled!

I must not of stated it clearly in the OP. I started talking to her the first time at the beginning of 2018 and she broke up with duyde in January of that year. We talked for 2 months then in March she found out she was pregnant with his kid and I stopped talking to her and they got back together after a few months. Her first kid was born in October 2018. I didnt talk to her cause I assumed they were still together but in February she started liking my posts again. Mid March I messaged her and we went on a date the next day (which turns out to be a week after they broke up and she moved back with her mom while she told me they last had sex in November which I'm assuming she did to do to look more desirable) and had sex on the second date. Two weeks into the relationship she tried to get birth control. Week 4 she tells me her body rejected the bar and she scheduled an appointment to find out why. Then she started the idk what I want stuff and we didnt talk for about a week and a half and I left a letter telling her I still wanted to see her and she started talking to me again that day. The following Monday she called telling me that shes pregnant and she thought it was mine and we had a good relationship for about 2 weeks after that then her Mom says she doesnt even want to meet me cause she looked up I was in trouble as a teenager (even though I have no criminal record as an adult and even have gun permits which tells you I'm clearly not a hardened criminal) andn it went downhill from there. We got in an argument the last week about her mom and she started saying that I cant go to the ultrasound and all this so I messaged the first kids dad and then she tells me at the ultrasound that shes 3 weeks too far along for it to be mine.

I did not know she was pregnant and neither did she. She didnt seem to like him from the beginning and he like let her use his vehicles and stuff so she kept me a secret the whole time but hed call while I was there asking if she was on a date and who she was with that type of thing. They still havent got back together and when I messaged dude it was more of something like "Hey I dont know what angle shes trying to play with you but shes pregnant with my kid and yours will be mines older brother so I dont want to have problems with you" and dude was sitting there talking to me wanting to know the truth about me and her and told me the truth about them and they still havent even had sex and its been over a week now. He told me how they broke up which was her saying she didnt know what she wanted to him and moved out a week before she started seeing me. Her reasoning she told me is that he was mentally abusive and like put holes in the wall and leave marks on her when hed get mad plus she said he was horrible at sex while I was the best she ever had (her friends confirmed to me she said that about me after the first time)

I did not enter this relationship knowing she was pregnant, she had the one kid who was 5 months at the time we started dating and I thought she hadnt had sex since November. I truly dont believe that she knew until she told me and I doubt she was trying to get child support or any of that out of me, I think she truly doesnt like him and wanted it to be mine.

But anyway the relationship is over and there is no way I'd be in a relationship with her while shes pregnant and its not my kid. I just want her to at least follow me on social media and stuff so I dont have to have her totally out of my life like we never met. I know shes not the one for me, maybe she would of been if I made a move in 2017 before she got pregnant the first time but now she has 2 kids I dont think I want that when I dont have any of my own. I am searching for someone better but I still want her in my life to some extent, even if its just seeing each others posts on social media. She used to like all my posts and stuff since like 2014 (and I turned her down in 2014 because I had another girlfriend, said ex girlfriend is still on good speaking terms with me to this day).

[Wiseman2]

Run. Date girls who aren't in complicated messes.