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Girl said she would come over but needed to ask parents first, now silent


OT630

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So I used to talk to this girl and we have recently started talking again. Note that she was the one who initiated it. I asked if she wanted to do something tonight, as tonight is the only time I would be able to see her for a long time, and she said she was babysitting at 4 but would ask her parents when she got home. I then texted her once today if she still wanted to hang, she said yes and she’d tell me when she got home, and that she still needed to ask her parents. Then I asked like 2 hours later if she had talked to her parents, to which she said she wasnt home. Then about 2 more hours later I asked if there was any update. Im very confused? Probably shouldn’t have sent the last text because I might look needy, but like what do I do? So very confused. Do I ask again like maybe she did not see this text? Also I know she is on her phone. Im just mad and confused, because she was talking the other day about how she wanted to see me, AND NOW SHE CAN, and she just flakes? Very, very confused. There is no time to play stupid dating games with her thats the thing, if there was not such a short window, I would not be so persistent, but there is and idk what to do.

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Why is the window so short?

 

Yes, you texted her far too many times. When someone says they will get back to you, that is your cue to let them make the move.

 

Also, having someone come over your house is not a date. Maybe she would be more interested if you actually proposed doing something together. As it stands, you seem aggressive about trying to hook up with her and only concerned with yourself, so I'm not surprised she is uninterested.

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Why is the window so short?

 

Yes, you texted her far too many times. When someone says they will get back to you, that is your cue to let them make the move.

 

Also, having someone come over your house is not a date. Maybe she would be more interested if you actually proposed doing something together. As it stands, you seem aggressive about trying to hook up with her and only concerned with yourself, so I'm not surprised she is uninterested.

 

1. I do not have a car at this very moment.

2. I am basically only visiting for the weekend, and she is busy the next few days so today is like the only day

3. We would probably go out to eat or something, would not just sit at my house

4. The thing is, the entire relationship I was never aggressive at all about hooking up and NEVER made a move really and was nothing but respectful and she got mad at me for that, and I realized how stupid that was so now I am kind of trying to change that basically

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Why is the window so short?

 

Yes, you texted her far too many times. When someone says they will get back to you, that is your cue to let them make the move.

 

Also, having someone come over your house is not a date. Maybe she would be more interested if you actually proposed doing something together. As it stands, you seem aggressive about trying to hook up with her and only concerned with yourself, so I'm not surprised she is uninterested.

 

Also, it should be noted that the relationship ended because I moved away, and I felt really bad for that actually and I am trying to make an effort to see her tonight to basically right my wrongs, because I felt bad about it, so no this is not just about me

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Also, it should be noted that the relationship ended because I moved away, and I felt really bad for that actually and I am trying to make an effort to see her tonight to basically right my wrongs, because I felt bad about it, so no this is not just about me

 

You sure about that?

 

You want her to text you back so you can see her in this narrow window so you can right your wrongs so you can feel better and maybe turn this thing into what you want right now before you go away in two days.

 

Maybe she doesn't want all that, right now?

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WOW - if i was a young lady - and i am sure she is a tween or teen if she has to ask her folks =- it would be a red flag that a dude who doesn't have a car asked me to come over to his place. She said she had to ask her parents probably so she could avoid saying no directly. I don't care if you don't have a car - if you want to see someone - you borrow one, have your parents chaperone etc and you for sure meet in public or ask her to come over with her sister or parent. That way she knows you are not just inviting her over to make the moves on her. If you said "want to go to a movie? or want to go for pizza" thats a date. "come over to my house" is sketchy

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Her parents probably said no. If her parents do not want her dating you, they not only said no, but they forbade her from contacting you. They may have even taken away her phone if she was being belligerent. OR...she knows she will never have any freedom if she goes against her parent's wishes and rules, and as such, she is following their rules. Meeting you comes second choice from getting to meet up with her friends tomorrow or next weekend and many days in the future...you are only here for a narrow window...you are not worth weeks of being grounded.

 

Maybe she's giving you platitudes because she doesn't want to outright say no to you...give you excuses instead of telling you she is just not interested. Parents can be a really, really great excuse for that...and babysitting and job obligations.

 

You moved, you broke up, and now you're breezing into town and expecting her to drop everything to rekindle something that burned out a long time ago, when she has obligations and you have obligations, but for you, you're free and you expect her to drop everything. This in light of the comment above, questioning if her parents do not want you anywhere near their daughter.

 

Until she can remove herself from the umbrella of her parents and forage her own way, I'm afraid she is stuck abiding by the rules of the household. She may want to see you, but in this case, she cannot.

 

Move on. She either doesn't want to see you or is forbidden to see you, or maybe even a combination of both. Don't turn this into some personal attack. If her parents said no or she has to babysit, you really don't have a whole lot of choices. This is what happens in life...obligations can get in the way and we prioritize accordingly.

 

We don't always get what we want.

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WOW - if i was a young lady - and i am sure she is a tween or teen if she has to ask her folks =- it would be a red flag that a dude who doesn't have a car asked me to come over to his place. She said she had to ask her parents probably so she could avoid saying no directly. I don't care if you don't have a car - if you want to see someone - you borrow one, have your parents chaperone etc and you for sure meet in public or ask her to come over with her sister or parent. That way she knows you are not just inviting her over to make the moves on her. If you said "want to go to a movie? or want to go for pizza" thats a date. "come over to my house" is sketchy

 

We have 2 cars, my parents are using both of them tonight- that is why I did not have a car. I guess I should have said that anyways, but that is why I did not have a car. The thing is too, she turns 20 in 2 months, so she’s pretty old.

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Her parents probably said no. If her parents do not want her dating you, they not only said no, but they forbade her from contacting you. They may have even taken away her phone if she was being belligerent. OR...she knows she will never have any freedom if she goes against her parent's wishes and rules, and as such, she is following their rules. Meeting you comes second choice from getting to meet up with her friends tomorrow or next weekend and many days in the future...you are only here for a narrow window...you are not worth weeks of being grounded.

 

Maybe she's giving you platitudes because she doesn't want to outright say no to you...give you excuses instead of telling you she is just not interested. Parents can be a really, really great excuse for that...and babysitting and job obligations.

 

You moved, you broke up, and now you're breezing into town and expecting her to drop everything to rekindle something that burned out a long time ago, when she has obligations and you have obligations, but for you, you're free and you expect her to drop everything. This in light of the comment above, questioning if her parents do not want you anywhere near their daughter.

 

Until she can remove herself from the umbrella of her parents and forage her own way, I'm afraid she is stuck abiding by the rules of the household. She may want to see you, but in this case, she cannot.

 

Move on. She either doesn't want to see you or is forbidden to see you, or maybe even a combination of both. Don't turn this into some personal attack. If her parents said no or she has to babysit, you really don't have a whole lot of choices. This is what happens in life...obligations can get in the way and we prioritize accordingly.

 

We don't always get what we want.

 

No, the babysitting the was not actually a lie, but I guess the rest might be true. I wish she would just be straight up with me instead of just ignoring me, but it is whatever at this point.

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You sure about that?

 

You want her to text you back so you can see her in this narrow window so you can right your wrongs so you can feel better and maybe turn this thing into what you want right now before you go away in two days.

 

Maybe she doesn't want all that, right now?

 

That is a good point, never really thought of it that way I guess. Is there something wrong with that though? I fail to see how that is wrong of me.

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she turns 20 in 2 months, so she’s pretty old

 

- Wow, I feel ancient now.

 

You ask one time for a date. Anything other than "yes" means "no". Find another girl to date, stop letting women walk all over you like a doormat.

 

Google "nice guy". You have some reading to do.

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So you should expect her parents to say "no".

 

Although I do have to wonder why a 20 year old needs parental permission to go out. Is this a cultural thing?

 

She probably is using them as an excuse -- shifting the blame because he won't take "NO" for an answer from her.

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That is a good point, never really thought of it that way I guess. Is there something wrong with that though? I fail to see how that is wrong of me.

 

It absolutely is. you are expecting someone to jump for you. That doesn't show you really want to see someone if you make them do all the work. What if you were at work (do you even have a job?) and someone came to town and said "you are not a good friend if you don't come see me right now" and expected you to drive 20 minutes to see them in the middle of the workday. NOPE. if they had said "i am only in town for a day and i know you are working "i can come meet you near your work for coffee at 6-7, but if that doesn't work, we'll catch eachother next time" Which is actually polite?

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Yes, don't play games. Next time ask someone you're interested in out on a real date in advance. She may have previous obligations or plans. "Talking and hanging" is not that enticing. Nor is being your chauffeur. She probably made up the parents thing to let you down easy.

I then texted her once today if she still wanted to hang, she said yes and she’d tell me when she got home, and that she still needed to ask her parents. Then I asked like 2 hours later if she had talked to her parents, to which she said she wasnt home.
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She probably is using them as an excuse -- shifting the blame because he won't take "NO" for an answer from her.

 

Jeez, youre acting like I cant read this stuff! The thing is, she has never actually said “no.” If she had flat out told me no, I would have backed off, but she hasn’t, and then she came back to me at first, and literally said she wanted to see me, so Im not exactly sure how that is her saying no? I mean, I guess that could be a possibility but she got back to me today and said her parents probably would not actually care at this point honestly, and that she “forgot” about it because she has a lot on her mind, which is probably the real lie. Her parents are very protective, I think its a southern thing? I do not really know, her parents track her on her phone too, its actually really weird. She feels that, since she is still under their roof and they are paying everything, and obviously they track her, that she cannot go behind their back.

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Yes, don't play games. Next time ask someone you're interested in out on a real date in advance. She may have previous obligations or plans. "Talking and hanging" is not that enticing. Nor is being your chauffeur. She probably made up the parents thing to let you down easy.

 

Well the thing is, it was not really a date, more of a let’s catch up sort of thing, and I had no way of actually getting over to her because, like I said, I am only here for the weekend and the cars we had were occupied. And the reason I could not ask her to do something in advance was because I literally found out the day before I was going back to my old town, and I told her, and she wanted to meet up for a day or something, very casual, nothing serious.

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- Wow, I feel ancient now.

 

You ask one time for a date. Anything other than "yes" means "no". Find another girl to date, stop letting women walk all over you like a doormat.

 

Google "nice guy". You have some reading to do.

 

Lol I did not mean “old” but I more meant as in she is not a kid anymore. And she never actually said “no” thats the thing, she wanted to meet up with me, or so she said. And you are right, I am a total nice guy which sounds like a good thing but in reality is actually a bad thing. Im trying to work on it.

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It absolutely is. you are expecting someone to jump for you. That doesn't show you really want to see someone if you make them do all the work. What if you were at work (do you even have a job?) and someone came to town and said "you are not a good friend if you don't come see me right now" and expected you to drive 20 minutes to see them in the middle of the workday. NOPE. if they had said "i am only in town for a day and i know you are working "i can come meet you near your work for coffee at 6-7, but if that doesn't work, we'll catch eachother next time" Which is actually polite?

 

Well no the thing is it was not like she flat out said no, she said she would do something with me that day, then did not respond. If she had said right off the bat she was busy, I would have backed off, like this weekend, she said she was doing something so I backed off. Again though, there is no other time that I could possibly meet with her until like next fall, so “catching her another time” was not really an option. And yes, I have 2 jobs, back in my home town- I am only visiting for the weekend. Again, very tight window.

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Ok, before anyone else comments on this thing, need to get some things straight that maybe I did not mention in original post.

 

1. I am literally only visiting for the weekend, and I just wanted to catch up with this girl, who I used to “talk to” or whatever and we planned to remain friends and even visit each other at school.

 

2. Again, I had no means of transportation on this one night, and this was the only night she was free, and she literally said she wanted to see me, but then did not. She initiated the conversation and mentioned it first that she wanted to see me! That is what I was so confused about. So the people saying “she is not interested,” maybe this would help clear it up. Idk why she would say all these things if she was not actually interested in seeing me?

 

3. I do not plan on dating this girl, we have already realized, with everything going on, that dating, at least for the time being, is not possible. Literally just wanted to see her one time, and she gave all the signs that she did too, then stopped responding to me.

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