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I'm afraid of being alone even though I always have been


NovaSim

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This school year just ended and I'm moving schools again. This will be my 13th school and I'm only 17. I always make "friends" but they never get that close and every time with out fail after I move they lose touch. I've gone 17 years with out a best friend my longest relationship was 11 months and he broke up with me in the summer when I said I was moving. I've gone basically my whole life without friends. My mom is always working and so is my dad, my extended family always took care of me but than when I was 12 we moved to another state and I started staying home alone. I thought I was okay with being alone and not having anyone, but lately I just start feeling really upset and emotional and start crying over how lonely I am even through it's all I've ever really known. How do I make it stop?

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Are you planning on going to college? Perhaps you need to work towards independence from your parents, so you can stay in one place long enough to develop relationships that last.

 

Your feelings of loneliness are definitely justified, but I think it's important to remind yourself that your social difficulties are the result of factors outside of your control. We don't get to choose how are childhoods turn out, sadly, and often the lack of choice results in a lot of pain.

 

My only other suggestion (if it is an option) would be to consider seeing a mental health professional, if only for a short period of time. Yes, this would also be affected by a move, but I do think that talking with someone could help you work through these feelings until you can change your situation for the better. Good luck!

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My parents have had me test out of high school to go to college quicker and I'll still be living at home and they don't believe in mental illness so I wouldn't have a way to see a professional I've looked into it and asked but just got yelled at and told that I'm fine and that it's a wast of my time

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Once you are 18 they legally cannot stop you from getting a job. Save up money for as long as you can and then make your move towards independence. It sounds like you grew up in a difficult and controlling environment. The only way you'll be able to break free is to work very hard.

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Damn, I cannot even imagine how rough that is. I have gone through 2 moves basically, and the second one was to where we were originally from and it still sucks. To me, your best bet is probably independence from your parents at this point. Whether its going to college or moving away on your own, because it does not seem like they will budge. Maybe if you sat down and had a genuine heart to heart with them and told them how badly it is affecting your life, because that is truly cruel. It would be different if it was because of work, but it’s because they get bored which is insane.

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Contact the college and ask about financial aid, student housing and whatever other resources and they have to offer. If you don't get along with your parents, you'll have to find a way to live on campus/student housing and get financial aid in addition to working.

 

Start right now by getting a part time job and doing everything you can to feel more independent from and less resentful of your parents. Keep in mind at 18, they are not required to house, feed, educate or take care of you. It doesn't matter what they think of mental illness. You can go to a clinic when you are 18 and no longer a minor.

My parents have had me test out of high school to go to college quicker and I'll still be living at home and they don't believe in mental illness so I wouldn't have a way to see a professional I've looked into it and asked but just got yelled at and told that I'm fine and that it's a wast of my time
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  • 2 weeks later...

Its ok to feel dissatisfied with being alone. You're in highschool and you know it's going to be more difficult in college to make friends. You are watching all those relationships happen at school and not having one, and because you're seeing what you're not getting it's making you sick. You might not even know how to talk to people in a way that they would understand if you haven't been doing it your whole life. You wonder why life exists you've got negativity.

 

But you think a lot. You probably think so much that no one will relate to what you say or your interested in depth of personality rather than surfing the social norm.

 

When I was 17 I did some stupid stuff. I was a straight A student up till then. I got fed up with my lonely life and started drinking and smoking with some popular comical friends who turned out to be degenerates.

 

It made me fail college terribly and sent my life down a dark uncontrollable road.

 

Since your in your last year of highschool I recommend that you put up with loneliness. Everyone's about to say goodbye and they're going to do some really stupid stuff that they didn't have the guts to do earlier because there's not going to be any social consequences. The stuff they do now will make or break the next ten years of their life and will determine if they can hold their head up in front of each other if they ever see each other again.

 

This is a very bad time to start a relationship. Don't let high school get the best of you. Just watch it go and when college comes, you'll have a totally new field without social norms where you can do and say whatever you want without repricusions.

 

I only say that you reserve yourself for your homework.

 

Don't worry at all about homecoming, prom, and the senior retreat. That's all nestelgia and bittersweet bull. You don't need that crap. It's all crying and goodbyeing.

 

When you look back on your life when your thirty youre going to be more uncomfortable with it's existence than wishing you had some sort of memory. Memories are not as important as a stable future. Live in the future, it's much more open than the past.

 

When you're in college. Talk to people all the time. They'll love it. Stay away from druggies alcoholics and homeless people at all costs. Don't let your loneliness get the best of you ever.

 

Most people are lonely even if they're married with kids. You're the most significant person in your life. If you've got to spill don't spill your foundation.

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