Looking for insight

I’m a 48 year old woman, single. I work in a restaurant and I’ve been working at the same place for almost five years. I like it, people are nice and it’s daytime hours. The last time I was in a relationship was almost three years ago. Generally I attract and I am attracted to men who are not good for me: emotionally unavailable, addiction issues, etc. I’ve been doing a lot of internal work to change my patterns of the past. Cut to a few months ago when this gentleman came in to work with one of his co workers for lunch. I was instantly attracted to him, to the point where I had butterflies in my tummy. I didn’t think much about it but he came in alone a couple of times after and I tried to engage him in discussion: he seems very shy, very sweet. I found out he lives very close to where I live. I obviously have to be professional at work and would never come on to a customer. I found out from a neighbour that he’s in his early 60s his wife passed a few years ago which is heartbreaking. BTW he looks really good for a man that age because when I first met him I thought at the most 55. Anyway the last time he came in with his co worker there was some flirting between the two of us, when I went to the table to take their order he was asking me all these questions as if he didn’t want me to leave. It made me smile. When they they left he made a slightly flirtatious comment and we all laughed about it.....however I haven’t seen him since and that was over two weeks ago. Wondering if I may have overstepped my boundaries?😔 or maybe he’s just shy?

Sometimes people enjoy flirtation for the sake of flirtation. In the same way you assumed it may not be appropriate to make a move on a customer, he may have assumed that it may not be appropriate to make a move on an employee. It is also possible he simply was not as interested as you perceived him to be. He may even have enjoyed the time thoroughly, but thankfully, did not feel inclined to stalk you at your place of work simply because he found you attractive.

If you see him again, there is no reason to not enjoy the pleasant flirtation if it occurs again, but I wouldn't waste a lot of time fantasizing about the guy or wondering "what if".

In my opinion, a lot of relationships that involve factors of emotional unavailability or addiction start because one person is too in their head with a fantasy of the other person, instead of living in the actual present situation. Try to focus your attention on people who are clear possibilities for a relationship, if that is what you desire to have.

Describe the flirting that went on between you.

Describe the flirting that went on between you.

When he and his co worker were leaving I complemented her on her outfit. I said that outfit looks really good on you. He smiled at me and said “ oh I thought you were talking about me.” I said sure you look good too.

Sometimes people enjoy flirtation for the sake of flirtation. In the same way you assumed it may not be appropriate to make a move on a customer, he may have assumed that it may not be appropriate to make a move on an employee. It is also possible he simply was not as interested as you perceived him to be. He may even have enjoyed the time thoroughly, but thankfully, did not feel inclined to stalk you at your place of work simply because he

 

If you see him again, there is no reason to not enjoy the pleasant flirtation if it occurs again, but I wouldn't waste a lot of time fantasizing about the guy or wondering "what if".

 

In my opinion, a lot of relationships that involve factors of emotional unavailability or addiction start because one person is too in their head with a fantasy of the other person, instead of living in the actual present situation. Try to focus your attention on people who are clear possibilities for a relationship, if that is what you desire to have.

I never thought of it that way ...

When he and his co worker were leaving I complemented her on her outfit. I said that outfit looks really good on you. He smiled at me and said “ oh I thought you were talking about me.” I said sure you look good too.

This sounds like flirtation that is fun but not necessarily leading to continued contact. I totally understand meeting someone you like and getting excited, but just remember you don't know the guy (past what others have told you) and that this comment towards you was quite innocent.

This sounds like flirtation that is fun but not necessarily leading to continued contact. I totally understand meeting someone you like and getting excited, but just remember you don't know the guy (past what others have told you) and that this comment towards you was quite innocent.

That’s very true

That is totally NOT flirtation in my book. That's just a joke.

I don't think you overstepped your boundaries. Some people are shy when they don't know you that well yet.

It's not WHAT is said, it's HOW it's said. And all the other non-verbal things like eye contact, smile, etc. If it seemed flirty at the time, I'd assume it was.

Can't hurt to ask the gent out for a cup coffee. As in, "hey, are you free for a cup of coffee on x day at Y? I think it would be fun."

and take it from there.

Can't hurt to ask the gent out for a cup coffee. As in, "hey, are you free for a cup of coffee on x day at Y? I think it would be fun."

 

and take it from there.

I don’t think I could be so bold but then again I would need to determine the situation the next time I see him. It’s a great idea just to even get to know him and find out if it is something the both of us want to pursue.

Good that makes me feel better. And I am very shy as well when I like someone

It's not WHAT is said, it's HOW it's said. And all the other non-verbal things like eye contact, smile, etc. If it seemed flirty at the time, I'd assume it was.

For sure. Body language is more than words most of the time. He seemed a little embarrassed after he made the comment just because I think he really is a gentleman but I smiled just to Put him at ease.

He knows where you work. If he's interested, he'll come back by himself and start a conversation with you. His 'non-verbal things' may be in your imagination at this point.

Unless he asks you for your phone number, you will probably never know.