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How to start conversation with her?


Steve94

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Hello everyone! I like a girl for over 2 weeks.. She is 28 years old and I'm 25. She's working at a cafe. The only contact we have, is eye contact. Unfortunately, we don't have common friends, so I decided to talk to her via facebook. However, I'm afraid to text her. Some people say, what if she rejects you, just make your move, but I disagree. If I can do something to impress her, to get her attention, why shouldn't I do it? She seems earnest and I want to make the best impression I can. But I don't know what should I tell her, how to start conversation with her via messages… Plz help me…

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Hi Steve,

 

Did she give you her number to text her? If so, then I say go for it! She's obviously interested too. I think she already is anyway, most women who are in a working environment won't be bothered to make eye contact for any length of time or accept your friend request on social media and carry on a conversation with you if they don't know you first. Most of us have more of a "it's that creepy guy that is always staring at me at work" attitude towards guys that do that.

 

Just text her and say "Hey! It's Steve from the cafe. Hope you're having a great day". I'm of course assuming she doesn't already have your number and it lets her know you're thinking about her. When she responds just let the conversation flow. When the time feels right ask her if she wants to get together for coffee, drinks, something to eat or whatever.

 

Good luck! And let us know how it turns out!

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Hi Steve,

 

Did she give you her number to text her? If so, then I say go for it! She's obviously interested too. I think she already is anyway, most women who are in a working environment won't be bothered to make eye contact for any length of time or accept your friend request on social media and carry on a conversation with you if they don't know you first. Most of us have more of a "it's that creepy guy that is always staring at me at work" attitude towards guys that do that.

 

Just text her and say "Hey! It's Steve from the cafe. Hope you're having a great day". I'm of course assuming she doesn't already have your number and it lets her know you're thinking about her. When she responds just let the conversation flow. When the time feels right ask her if she wants to get together for coffee, drinks, something to eat or whatever.

 

Good luck! And let us know how it turns out!

 

Hello! Thanks for the answer. No we don't have any contact except eye contact. We don't have even made a handshake. I didn't understand what do you want to say with this "I think she already is anyway, most women who are in a working environment won't be bothered to make eye contact for any length of time or accept your friend request on social media and carry on a conversation with you if they don't know you first. Most of us have more of a "it's that creepy guy that is always staring at me at work" attitude towards guys that do that. " and why don't they bother to make eye contact for any length of time? Do you mean that is not a hint?

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If a woman is working they are busy concentrating on their work. They don't generally stop to take notice of anyone or take the the time to make eye contact unless they have some kind of interest in that person. It's just how we are. If she is anything like me (or any other woman I know), she is waiting for you to approach her. We as women are raised that "good girls don't ask men out, they ask you".

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Do you eat where she works? If you are a regular there, since she can see you, it's possible for her to develop a crush on you is she is attracted. If that happens, you don't have to do anything, she'll approach YOU. The fantastic thing about that is, there's no rejection.

 

Sure, guys usually ask out first - except when the woman has a crush on them!

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If a woman is working they are busy concentrating on their work. They don't generally stop to take notice of anyone or take the the time to make eye contact unless they have some kind of interest in that person. It's just how we are. If she is anything like me (or any other woman I know), she is waiting for you to approach her. We as women are raised that "good girls don't ask men out, they ask you".

 

Thanks again! Allow me to tell you how that started. I'm a customer to this cafe for years and I noticed her about a month ago. She passed beside me and she was looking me. That was the spark that triggered it. Then after a few days, I went to buy a coffee. The cafe is small inside, when you go inside is the till point where you make your order and exactly behind it, is where they are making the coffees. I made my order and she was looking again me. By that I mean, it wasn't a looking just to know who came, but a looking for lots of seconds. Then another day I was walking and then she passed as co-driver. She just observed me like every person who passes the road and then she looked away after a second. I went to buy a coffee with a friend just to tell me if her lookings are just in my imagination or not, but he confirmed that she was looking me, however he wasn't able to understand a lot, because her movements were "mechanicals" as he said. She was making the coffees. Last time was yesterday, she was working at the till point and I crossed the street. If I understood correctly, she was just observing outside until she noticed me and she was looking me again until I started moving to cross the road and she turned her head and talked to her colleague.. Of course she maybe thinking "oh that guy again" or "is he watching me?". I really don't know, what do you believe?

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Do you eat where she works? If you are a regular there, since she can see you, it's possible for her to develop a crush on you is she is attracted. If that happens, you don't have to do anything, she'll approach YOU. The fantastic thing about that is, there's no rejection.

 

Sure, guys usually ask out first - except when the woman has a crush on them!

 

I'm a regular customer. It's only a cafe, not a cafe restaurant. Maybe, I hope so she developed a crush on me. I don't believe any woman will do the first move. Besides if she wanted, she would have approached me. You can read my last post where I explain the details! Thanks in advance.

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Steve,

 

She is into you. I say go for it! You're right, chances are, she's not going to make the first move. But, she definitely wants you to notice her, noticing you. Send her the message! You never know...she could be "the one". :)

 

I hope so. I feel so strong emotions for her. However, as a friend told me, eye contact isn't such a big hint. Also I'm afraid to talk to her because as I said you, I'm a regular customer and I won't go again if she rejects me because I'll feel uncomfortable. Also you said to just let the conversation roll, but I don't know what to say. I feel I can't, I don't know what to tell her to get her attention..

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Ok start liking some of her posts and make a pleasant comment or two.. There is no foolproof way to assure she'll say yes, so hemming and hawing won't work. Also start smiling and making small talk when in person. Even simple questions or comments. If you can't even talk to her how do you expect to go on a date? But don't just lurk around never speaking up, that can seem creepy to women.

I decided to talk to her via facebook. However, I'm afraid to text her.
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Take it from a 43 year old woman, if there is that much eye contact, she's into you. Think about it, how many people do you come into contact with every day? Pass on the street, drive by, walk past/stand beside in a mall or a store and don't even notice? But when someone catches your attention you look at them long enough that they look back at you and make eye contact before you look away. This is human nature, this is a biological signal built into us making sure the other person notices us too, to see if there is a connection.

 

Just message her. Say "Hi! It's Steve from the cafe. I can't stop thinking about you. You have the most beautiful _____ (eyes, smile, hair, laugh, whatever it is) that I have ever seen/heard. I was wondering if you'd like to grab a coffee or drink sometime?"

 

When you get together bring flowers to show that you appreciate her and that she took her time to spend with you. Stick with wildflowers or seasonal flowers, if you decide to go with a rose, just a single one and no red, stick with pink, white or yellow. You don't want to put too much pressure on a first date.

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Take it from a 43 year old woman, if there is that much eye contact, she's into you. Think about it, how many people do you come into contact with every day? Pass on the street, drive by, walk past/stand beside in a mall or a store and don't even notice? But when someone catches your attention you look at them long enough that they look back at you and make eye contact before you look away. This is human nature, this is a biological signal built into us making sure the other person notices us too, to see if there is a connection.

 

Just message her. Say "Hi! It's Steve from the cafe. I can't stop thinking about you. You have the most beautiful _____ (eyes, smile, hair, laugh, whatever it is) that I have ever seen/heard. I was wondering if you'd like to grab a coffee or drink sometime?"

 

When you get together bring flowers to show that you appreciate her and that she took her time to spend with you. Stick with wildflowers or seasonal flowers, if you decide to go with a rose, just a single one and no red, stick with pink, white or yellow. You don't want to put too much pressure on a first date.

 

Ok, but how do you explain when she passed with the car, she looked me like any random guy? And the last time, it would be more reasonable to look at me until she can't anymore. I was on the opposite side of the road. She was looking outside until she noticed me. I was looking her too. Then I had the chance to across the street and she turned her head to her colleague. So based on what you say, she should "eat me" with her eyes right? How do you explain them? Sorry for becoming weirdo, I don't want to go against you or I don't try to say that you aren't right, but I want to be sure. I hope you understand me!

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Ok start liking some of her posts and make a pleasant comment or two.. There is no foolproof way to assure she'll say yes, so hemming and hawing won't work. Also start smiling and making small talk when in person. Even simple questions or comments. If you can't even talk to her how do you expect to go on a date? But don't just lurk around never speaking up, that can seem creepy to women.

 

Most of the times, she works behind the till where they make the coffees. So I don't have the opportunity to do it. That's why I want to text her.

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I do understand. She was likely telling her co-worker "that's him, he's on his way in" when she spotted you. You're over analyzing. You're never going to know unless you put yourself out there.

 

I know. And that's wrong, but I want to be as sure as I can, because if I miscalculate, it will be uncomfortable for both of us to co-exist in the same place. At least for me...

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Put yourself out there and be rejected. Or maybe you'll be surprised and end up on a date. It's not good to overstudy someone's behavior to try to figure out how they think about you. That just builds up your hopes and makes it harder to make your shot, and also stings harder if you don't get the hoped for answer.

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  • 2 weeks later...

The only way you know there is "eye contact" is for you (or the one case of your friend) are looking at her. There comes a point when people start wondering why someone is looking at them and want to see if they are still there. Then there comes a point that it is disturbing. So make up your mind, do you want to have awkwardness due to a conversation attempt or do you want awkwardness for when her manager comes over to ask why you keep staring at one of their employees. That choice is yours.

 

As far as your original question, the best way to approach someone is to say - hello. No need for rocket science to get a conversation started and since it's a regular place that you go, you can follow up to build some comfort. At that point, if you still can't ask her in person, she will at least know you well enough for a social media chat to ask her.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks everyone for your advice. I want to share with you the latest news to give me your opinion. Please be gentle. Yesterday, I went at a restaurant. She was opposite and diagonal 2-3 tables away and I was only seeing her back. I had an eye contact with her sister only because she was looking direct to me. I went out because I wanted to make a phone call due to the noise inside the restaurant. I came back and after a while she turned her body diagonally (and stayed diagonally until she left) and she looked me twice. (For me it was like the first time ok he is looking me and the second just to confirm it, of course I can be wrong). Then I don't know if she tried to look at me again because there were some people between us and I couldn't see. Besides I didn't want to be creepy. After that, they left. I was sitting next to the door, so she was forced to pass next to me. When she stood up, she was looking the infinite and then when she passed next to me, she was looking down. When she went out, before they leave, she looked our table and she left. A friend of mine told me that. Some of you will say that I'm crazy and I have to talk to her but she confuses me with her movements. I can't understand if she is interested or just considers me as a creepy guy who looks at her all time. Of course I wasn't looking her all time because I didn't want to be creepy. I was doing glimpses. What do you believe?

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If she is not smiling or making direct eye contact, she thinks it's creepy. Stop 'glimpsing' at her. Do you ever smile or say hi? If not, that's in the creepzone too.

I can't understand if she is interested or just considers me as a creepy guy who looks at her all time.
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You just came to give us the latest news and there is NO NEWS. Neither of you made any moves. Body movements and eye glances mean squat. The longer you focus on body movements and eye glances and try to read her tea leaves, the more creepy you will seem and the further away from a chance you get.

 

Go smile and say hi. Ask for her number or give yours. Walk away and live your life if she says no. If she has the same interest in you as you do her (attraction) she'll probably say yes. If she doesn't, you will find out quick and can go live your life.

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She's trying to make eye contact and read you as much as you are trying to read her. She's waiting for you to ask her out, just do it before someone else comes along and you miss your chance.

 

I added her on facebook yesterday but she didn’t accept me. She didn’t reject me. Just pending. However she was active because she uploaded some posts. I guess I’m just the creepy guy who looks at her.

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I added her on facebook yesterday but she didn’t accept me. She didn’t reject me. Just pending. However she was active because she uploaded some posts. I guess I’m just the creepy guy who looks at her.

 

How did you add her on facebook? You know her full name? Does she even know yours?

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How did you add her on facebook? You know her full name? Does she even know yours?

 

I do know her name. I suppose she didn’t know me before I add her. But now she knows. And she isn’t a superstar to just don’t check her friend requests. So.....

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I do know her name. I suppose she didn’t know me before I add her. But now she knows. And she isn’t a superstar to just don’t check her friend requests. So.....

 

"Now she knows"... no she doesn't. I don't look that closely at friend requests I get from strangers. If I don't recognize the name I will probably just ignore it. She doesn't know you... why haven't you said hi in person, which is where you know each other? Trying to move things to facebook is the total opposite direction you wanted. You don't want a chat friend - you want an in person date. The best way to ask for an in person date with someone you saw in person, is to ask them in person.

 

I don't mean to be harsh. I've been there! But this whole passive "will she like me" "will she say yes if I ask her out" stuff is hurting your chances. And yes, potentially making you look like a creep. You know you aren't a creep - why are you acting in ways that might make someone think so?

 

The best approach is to be direct and not wait around to see if she'll come to you. You'll miss every chance you ever have this way - and you'll constantly be disappointed because all of the waiting builds up your hopes and expectations.

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