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Thread: How do I end an online friendship?

  1. #1

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    How do I end an online friendship?

    I have read posts concerning this issue but none of them would apply to my situation and I kinda need an advice on how to end an online friendship. I got to know this girl 5 years ago on an online forum. She was the one to message me because she saw that we had a very similar taste in movies, books etc. and wanted to be friends with me. I didnít care too much at that time especially because I never had any internet friends before (not actual ones anyway, I would usually just talk with a few people but those relations soon faded away after a few months).

    We started talking but even then she came off a bit childish and self centered. We started talking on skype after a year of acquaintance and followed each other on social media as well. I guess my inital reluctance to keep in touch with her disappeared after getting to know her better and I started to think of her as a friend. But then things soon went downhill because she would keep having these depressed thoughts and would constantly talk about how she didnít want to live anymore and I would spend literally every night talking to her and trying to help her the best way I could. I always tried to be there for her and support her and reply as soon as she sent me a text. We donít live in the same country but we would always talk about meeting up some day.

    Later on she got better and was no longer in a bad place, but now she would just forget about answering my texts and would only reply months later. Whenever she needed support or advice she suddenly showed up and then disappeared when I wanted to talk to her. She would say how busy she was but she was never busy being active on social media all day long or playing videogames. Every time we spoke she complained about her other friends at school even though the way she described their arguments made her look like a bully but she never even realized that. Everything was about her, she would speak for hours on the phone but wouldnít listen to me, she would want me to adapt to her schedule and her needs all the time.

    After putting up with her for years and trying to salvage the friendship I realized I grew tired of her and now I donít want to keep in touch with her anymore. She never realized how many times she hurt me, not even when I tried to make her understand and talk things out. I guess I never wanted to hurt her feelings but I no longer think of her as a friend. I have no idea how to end things with her though. Should I just cut her off or should I say something to her? She messaged me a few days ago when she saw on my momís instagram that I visited the country she lives in (my home country though Iíve moved away years ago) and wanted me to go and meet her. Sheís not aware of her behavior or how many times she upset me, according to her Iím her ďbest friendĒ. I feel a bit stressed, not knowing how to end things for good because I donít want her in my life anymore.

    What should I do?

  2. #2
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    She is an emotional vampire. You should have ended this five years ago. And, stop playing people's therapist.

    She is not your friend. Just block her.

  3. #3
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Well, it seems that it wasn't all one sided. You obviously enjoyed the online friendship, becoming upset if she didn't text you back immediately, wanting to talk your problems over with her and being disappointed when she wasn't there for you.

    I think you've just grown tired of the friendship. You can either fade her out of your life gradually or confront her all at once and tell her that you're no longer interested in continuing this relationship.

  4. #4

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    Thank you for the answers. I've felt this way for a long time now, but I guess I just have this stupid fear of not wanting to hurt other people's feelings, and I was always unsure how many chances I had to give to her.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Agree with the above poster in that she is the emotional vampire variety of person. Yes, she shows up when she needs something from you, but disappears when you are no longer needed. These kinds of things are always one sided and only way to deal with people like that is boot them from your life.

    You are a giving person, so she latched on to you. You can talk to her until you are blue in the face about this concept of reciprocation and that you need her to be there for you as well, but guess what - she doesn't and will never operate that way. What you expect in terms of give and take going both ways is normal and healthy, but you will come across people like her in life where it doesn't work like that with them. They are all take and no give. It's important that you learn to recognize these people early on and cut them off early on.

    The good part is that getting rid of these parasitic kind of people is actually easy. You simply stop giving, stop talking, stop listening to them, stop interacting with them. Just cut them off. No explanations required. Yes, they might realize they've been cut off and give chase, but don't confuse that with caring. They only care in terms of losing a resource they can use, they don't care about you as a human being. You are to her just free therapy and attention when she has nothing else going on. These types of people tend to use a lot of people and rotate them in and out, precisely because people do get sick of being used.

    So how? Simple. Remove her from all your accounts, block and delete. That's it.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by doravee
    Thank you for the answers. I've felt this way for a long time now, but I guess I just have this stupid fear of not wanting to hurt other people's feelings, and I was always unsure how many chances I had to give to her.
    That isn't a stupid fear. If it's important to you to say something before officially ending the relationship, then do so. I would keep it to a brief message, however, and not allow a response before blocking her.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Yes she's an emotional vampire. If you really think you have to say something to her before blocking her, tell her you are moving on as the alleged friendship is not working for you, and leave it at that. Block her immediately so she cant respond to you She had no qualms about not replying to you for months, so you dont need to feel bad about ending this pathetic friendship.

    If you dont want to say anything to her, just block and delete her from reaching you ever again.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    she would just forget about answering my texts and would only reply months later.
    Just do what she did, only skip the reply.

  10. #9
    Gold Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Don't give nor make any excuses. I wouldn't just cut her off. Remain diplomatic, kind, well mannered, polite, respectful yet firm. Tell her you will end the online friendship and this is the last message to her. Should she continue to contact you, she will be ignored permanently. Keep it simple. Get it over and done with. Then proceed to move on with your life without her.


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