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Thread: He doesnít call enough

  1. #1
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    He doesnít call enough

    So Iíve been dating this guy for six weeks. We see each other once a week.By our second date(second week) things got heavy and we had sex. Iíve always been the one to hold out on a guy but our chemistry was on point so I was down to have fun that night. Iíve always been in serious relationships. We are both 27. I like him and I was worried that he would judge me for sleeping with him too soon but he kept wanting to see me without having sex. 2 times. We go bowling, dinners. Since then Iíve noticed that the calls slow down. Heíll let 2/3 days go by before checking in. I tried to let him do most of the calling to see how invested he is. last night we had sex for the second time and He didnít call me today. Iím upset. Is it wrong for me to want a courtesy call? Itís the gentleman thing to do. Like I said I like him but not sure if I want a serious relationship with him because I want to see him/talk to him more. Do yíall think itís a friends with benefits relationship? Iím not into that, Iím emotional af lol. And I suggested dropping me home after sex at 3am? He agreed lol I was hoping heíll convince me to stay the night but he drove me home. Is that bad?
    Last edited by Bravil; 05-31-2019 at 10:04 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Have you guys had any sort of talks about what youíre looking for, what your intentions are? By six weeks that stuff tends to come up pretty casually.

    I canít help but feel youíre doing a lot of testing but not a lot of talking, that youíve been technically intimate without much intimacy. I donít mean some serious ďwhat is this to you?Ē stuff but just the basic ďwho are you and what are you all about?Ē stuff.

    As for him not calling after sex? Yeah, thatís lame and never the best sign. But as for him driving you home? Not lame, since you asked him to. He maybe failed your test, but he respected your wishes. Could there be any chance that youíre really keeping that ďemotional afĒ side of yourself in a vault and heís just mirroring you?

    You say youíre not sure if youíd like a serious relationship until talking to him more. But to talk to him you have to, you know, talk to him.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by Bravil
    So Iíve been dating this guy for six weeks. We see each other once a week.By our second date(second week) things got heavy and we had sex. Iíve always been the one to hold out on a guy but our chemistry was on point so I was down to have fun that night. Iíve always been in serious relationships. We are both 27. I like him and I was worried that he would judge me for sleeping with him too soon but he kept wanting to see me without having sex. 2 times. We go bowling, dinners. Since then Iíve noticed that the calls slow down. Heíll let 2/3 days go by before checking in. I tried to let him do most of the calling to see how invested he is. last night we had sex for the second time and He didnít call me today. Iím upset. Is it wrong for me to want a courtesy call? Itís the gentleman thing to do. Like I said I like him but not sure if I want a serious relationship with him because I want to see him/talk to him more. Do yíall think itís a friends with benefits relationship? Iím not into that, Iím emotional af lol. And I suggested dropping me home after sex at 3am? He agreed lol I was hoping heíll convince me to stay the night but he drove me home. Is that bad?
    Stop playing games. If you ask a guy to drive you home after sex and don't stay and ask to leave in the middle of the night, he may take that as a rejection , but if he is a gentleman, he will do as you request and drive you home. Are you expecting him to argue with you and say "noo...please stay". Guys are extra scared because of all the "Me too" stuff and if a woman has sex with him and wants to leave - he lets her. To me, YOU should be calling him letting you know you had a great time so he knows all is well and suggest plans for the next date.

    Don't play the game of deciding you won't communicate unless he calls first. Guys are just as nervous wondering if you didn't have a good time because you didn't call him. you may both be hoping the other one calls. So if you want to see him again, tell him you had a great time. Also, how is the date ending? Is he saying "do you like Mexican. What about Friday night?" and then he doesn't call until he cofirms on Thursday?

    Honestly, if you like him and want to see him again, be a bit more responsive than playing games - its time you suggested some dates

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    Youíre absolutely right. We never had ďthe talkĒ I was avoiding that at first because I wasnít sure if I wanted a relationship. again I want more time with him to know him. But Iím not getting enough calls. And not calling after sex kind of made me feel used so Iím a little reluctant to put myself out there

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  6. #5
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    You are right about me playing games. Iím scared of being played so I try to put a guard up. I know itís silly because Iím an adult. Our dates end with I had fun. Text me when you get home. He does and I donít hear from him for two days.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'm a bit confused, I admit.

    In this post you are 27, but in a post two months ago you were 29. And that last post? It was about a nebulous and painful relationshipóright on the heels of an abusive relationshipóthat, best I can tell, ended maybe two weeks before you met the nebulous guy we're talking about here?

    Are you sure you want to be dating right now? It really helps to know ourselves before we start trying to get to know others, and it seems you're in a wobbly enough state that you're struggling to know how old you are, let alone what you want, what you're ready for, and how to go about all that in a productive manner.

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    Yes I made a mistake weíre a both 29. Yes I did go through a lot of painful break ups thatís why Iím confused also

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    I don't know. It seems like a little bit of game playing and playing coy and hard to get. I think you reached a point where you can be equally reciprocal and initiating. I fully agree, you've got to let the guy take the lead at first, but it's fully exhausting to have to be the only one to always do it, and with no real "feedback" or expression of interest by you initiating, he might be growing tired of always having to do all the work and feeling insecure that you feel the same for him. I mean, at this point you should be initiating at least on a 40/60 basis...he still takes the lead. Game playing and being coy only goes so far. You've shared body parts.

    You slept with him, then withheld, slept with him again, and made a quick exit at 3 a.m., making him do the drive. Hint -- have your own transportation or don't plan on sleepovers until you're comfortable with staying until a reasonable hour to be transported home or take public transport.

    I don't know if this relationship has just run it's course, or you are simply too exhausting to maintain.

    Don't plan stories in your head that when you express your desire to go home, he begs you to stay as some sort of demonstration of his undying love for thou...it never works out that way. You wanted to go home, so he took you home, as any gentleman would do. He has seen you once a week. He has taken you to dinner, bowling, and spent time with you, and drove you home at the ungodly hour of 3 a.m. It all sounds pretty great if you would just relax and not place a lot of rules and fantasy on it...just enjoy and let it unfold...this includes you making efforts and reciprocate. Guys need to feel loved and and assured you're into them every bit as much women need these assurances.

  10. #9
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    ^
    I was just about to ask this same question, (above). Hopefully you're not playing us...

  11. #10
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    Iím not. All true stories. I know my dating life is a mess

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